Let's define '*******' as someone who's generally insensitive, self-centered, and rude, and who exhibits those traits in an outward and obnoxious manner. The reason I ask is because whenever I encounter a guy who fall under that category, in many cases they will own up to the fact that they are, in fact, assholes, but will then say, "but really I'm a good/not a bad guy." And I'm always just left thinking, wtf does that even mean? How is that possible? Because let's be real, there are very, very few individuals who are truly remarkably good (your aspiring Mother Theresa-types) or bad people (full on narcissistic sociopaths). I'd say I personally know maybe 2-3 people in the former category, 1 or 2 or in the latter. Everyone else is somewhere in between, trending one way or the other. And pretty much all the self-proclaimed assholes I know fall closer to the latter category on the spectrum. So have I just not met the right assholes? Is it possible to be a good guy while at the same time being a selfish, annoying boor? Particularly if we make a distinction between being a good person and just not being a completely terrible person?
To me, anybody who has to say 'but really, I'm actually a good guy', won't be an actual nice/good person. Those people tend to show a great deal of humility, and like to help people because sometimes they place others above themselves, which of course won't happen with selfish, self-centered people. Although in some cases, you might just haven't seen people interact in the right social environment. I'm sure there are people who act like a**holes in the office a lot, maybe because they are very senior, or just personality, but when they get home to their kids and wife, could be one of the nicest dads ever.
Define 'Nice Guy'. Who wants to be that guy? I'd rather prick with the heart of gold who gets what he wants as opposed to the sweetheart who gets run over by everyone.
I mean an ******* could be a good person in terms of he won't screw people over. He won't lie, cheat or steal from you. He's not a nice guy but he's a good guy.
I was talking about this with a friend I have found people are situational in their attitudes Someone maybe an A-hole at work but a complete gentleman at home and among friends You probably would not recognize them outside of certain environments Not unlike have a friend that is a complete sleeze of a husband You know he is out doing all kinds of things betraying his wife . . but you know he would have your back to the end. Rocket River
Not being rude, selfish, and obnoxious all at once. Any one of those things by themselves can be excusable within the right context. All three? To me, that's an *******.
As anybody who grew up near my family can attest to, there is a big difference between somebody who is easy to get along with and someone who is a good person. I've met plenty of people who are seemingly cool, but will steal from you or screw you over if given a chance. Likewise I know some jerks, but they don't steal or screw people over in any way. Just because they aren't friendly that doesn't make them a bad person.
I don't know. To me, treating those around you, even those you don't know, with a certain level of courtesy and respect is pretty fundamental to being a good person. We're defined more by what we do than what we don't do, IMO. It's one of the reasons the internet brings out the worst in people. Anonymity not only removes personal inhibitions, it makes you forget that the people you're interacting with are actually people. I know I've said things to posters on this board that I'd never say to someone in person.
Absolutely, and the fact that they're nice to everyone else reinforces their being an ******* to you; especially if you can recognize and identify the bias behind it.
Would you like to be the smart guy who communicates well and understands others' motives and values thoroughly and compartmentally enough to compromise with a diverse array of people based on partially shared interests?
This. Also, a guy can be good in terms of doing good things like taking care of family and friends, and like volunteering, working and donating to charity's and good causes like needy children, homeless and hunger. Some people can have a bad attitude, be negative and just have a *******-type personality, but still have strong ethics and truly be a good person at heart. Vice versa, people can have a very nice personality, give you good vibes, and be cool but, at the same time could be someone who screws people over all the time and has done nothing for others.
How well do you really know these assholes? Just because someone is a jerk in a conversation, doesn't hold doors, say please or thanks etc and does rude stuff in a social settings like school, work or party's doesn't completely reflect what the guys do with their life's all the time. Most of the time the guys probably are just real assholes, because most people are, but as example in my post you never know.
