[Marriage] Prenuptial Agreements - what does CF think?

^ Correct. Quoting for FOREVER immortal future.

 

what's the difference between a marriage certificate and a prenup then? both are contractual agreements, no? why do you need a legal document to solidify your relationship? because someone wants assurance the relationship will last forever. well, the other party also wants assurance that any assets acquired prior to the marriage won't be taken from them. anything earned together should be split. that seems fair to me.

 

This place reeks of self righteousness. I'll step out before getting drawn into this world where every marriage must work.

 

And what's wrong with that? By the time a pre-nup is exercised, the marriage is over. At that point, you should focus on what's best for you, not what's best for both you and your ex.

 

Actually the prenup is done before the wedding, so in reality your looking out for yourself from the very beginning. Before you say your vows and and end with "I Do", you've essentially said these vows don't mean jack and I need to plan my escape route.
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I, ______, take you, ______, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

If one can't live by these vows, don't get married. One is still promising to love one's spouse even if he/she divorces you. It doesn't change if one or one's spouse changes.

The attitude that love and marriage aren't forever is contradictory to what one vows to do. That attitude is best suited for couples that live together as long as both of their wants are met. Granted, this might be why so many people write their own vows today.

 

A prenup is basically saying, "This stuff is mine and you can't have it". I don't know how a healthy marriage can exist with that mindset.

But if people want to agree to it, who am I to tell them not to?

 

Except people have been getting married since before things like taxes, insurance, estates, etc ever existed. People don't get married primarily for any of those reasons. Marriage isn't caused by some kind of social engineering.

 

That is such a load of BS. My parents were married for 17 years. It wasn't a mistake for them to get married because they changed over those 17 years.

 

I'm going to say it again: "people change over time" is nothing but a cop out and an attempt to avoid the responsibility for what happens in your marriage.

The problem is that
- People don't want to concede that they have to consciously, willingly change things about themselves that they'd rather not for the sake of their spouses

- People think love is how you feel about a person, rather than what you do and give to a person.

- People don't know what becoming "one" means. There is nothing my wife and I don't do together. Even if it's my thing, it's still our thing. That's why the list of things I'd hesitate to let her take over in my life at any time is exactly zero. If over the course of your marriage you're becoming less alike rather than being more like the same person, you're doing it wrong.

 

I think this is fundamentally true. There is a romantic notion of love as some vague concept you fall in and out of.

Love is something you wake up and do (or don't do) every day. It's easy to be "in love." Love requires something of you. Or maybe all of you.

I have no problem with prenuptial agreements. I understand their use...particularly for people getting married later in life after having had kids with another person. I have no experience with them except for being involved in their drafting and speaking with clients about them as estate planning tools. I got married young and neither of us had a dime to our name, so they made no sense for us.