Can't fix anyone. You can only love or not love someone. If you love someone the way they are, suck it up and be a man. If you don't love them, break up with her, but be a man about not doing it in a mean way.
What? It sounds like you just did. An alcoholic depressed girl? Man that makes me depressed just thinking about being around her. I hope she gets well. #bewell
Some people overlook this... but the problem is once you try to save someone then you become more of a father figure instead of a boyfriend and that kills the passion and intimacy instantly. A word from the wise: Don't ever try to help, mentor, or lecture your girlfriend. If so you'll end up with a weird, awkward father/daughter type weird awful relationship and she'll eventually stray.
facebook literally saved me from getting involved with a depressed/crazy girl over the summer. she was perfectly normal and cool in person...and very attractive too. we went out a couple times and i really liked her... then... we became friends on facebook and i saw what a raging lunatic she is. she posts about 10-15 times a day and half her posts are these quotes and "cute" pics from cheesy relationships pages...things your 13 year old girl cousin would look at. but the other half were these sometimes angry/sometimes depressed rants on any and everything...multiple times a day. everyone (espeically sexist white males) are harassing and manipulating her and people are always going around intentionally f***ing with her. i felt really sorry for her, but at the same time i was never so thankful for facebook. zuckerburg literally saved my ass! nothing ever happened b/t us so i did not feel bad about running for the hills there!
I have been in serious relationships with depressed people before. Of course it will feel bad after any break up. Just remember the things you liked about her.... the things that made you want to be in a relationship with her, and realize that's part of who she is too. But there are also other parts of her and things she has to deal with that make it impossible for the two of you to be together now. It isn't necessarily anything you did or could have done. She just has other forces at work in her life right now, and a relationship for the two of you don't work. Understand and remember all of that in the back of your mind, then move on realizing pressures and strains you don't have to deal with right now, and celebrate that. Not much else that you can do.
Most have already hit on it. For someone to be in a healthy relationship, they need to be in a good place mentally first. You can't fix that nor are you responsible for it. Be a friend, make sure she gets help. Then maybe later, try again.
I dated a bi-polar girl once for 4 months. Can't remember what it was called, but she never got the highs, just the depressed states. Anyway, it was nice having, what I THOUGHT was, companionship but I wasn't getting what I needed from the relationship. It basically wasn't a relationship at all as I was pretty much just the person who kept her company. I sure tried though, even going with her to her psychiatrist meeting and support group meeting with her. I thought I was being a good "partner" but you can't lose yourself while helping the person you're with. I wasn't happy. It's one thing if you guys were in a long relationship (2+ years) and or married when she became this way. Then I might suggest helping her out of it. But, if she's like that this early she will likely never change within the relationship. Besides, love is supposed to lift you higher, not bring you down to depressed drinking. You deserve to be happy and feel connected/loved just like she does. I would venture to guess that you might have some things you need to work through yourself since it sounds like you settled being with her. Happy, joyful, confident people usually meet the same (and the opposite are drawn to each other as well because you don't feel you deserve or can get better). I say this from experience by the way. Props for you for at least trying instead of automatically running for the hills, but you two just weren't right for each other. You lost "companionship" but you gained experience and knowledge moving forward that takes you one step closer to finding THE right one for you. Go out, work on yourself, have some fun, get busy with life and you can't imagine the woman (or women) you will be blessed with. That's what happened with me and I'm getting married in May to an absolute gift from God! Good luck!
Had a relationship with a female diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She took at least 5 years off my life in two years. Run, now!
Let me tell you, I know you don't want to listen to your Clutch BBS brethren, I didn't listen to mine, and I am telling you you gotta pay attention this time. When life reaches out at a moment like this it's a sin if you don't reach back, I'm telling you its a sin if you don't reach back! It'll haunt you the rest of your days like a curse. You're facing a big challenge in your life right now at this very moment, right here. That depressed girl loves you she really really loves you. I don't know if your Mother ever did, but she sure as **** doesn't right now. So don't **** this up. Sorry...carry on.
was she an alcoholic or just a drinker? to me, someone who gets drunk 2-3 times per week is a heavy social drinker. she must have been amazing in the sack.
Thanks for the responses guys...yes even the funny ones lol, I feel a little bit better now. Listen Ive been with a handful of girls before but this one felt serious and this had meaning/purpose to it thats why its been hard to let go. But ya'll right she has to fix her life mentally first and I cant be a fixer. This needs to sink into my spirit now. I forgot to mention shes 33, Im 26
Both her parents were alcholics, in her late teens, grandmother raised her when mom was geting help (shes a psycho now and lives 2 states away and she blocked all contact from mom) + father left her when they were young (he recently died)...she grew up around alcohol. So it worries me a little bit when she drinks...and besides she takes 7 anti depressants a day though...that + alchy not a good combo
If you can't justify the relationship in the face of these Billy Joel lyrics below, then move on: Don't go changing to try and please me You never let me down before, mmm And don't imagine you're too familiar And I don't see you any more I would not leave you in times of trouble We never could have come this far, mmm I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times I’ll take you just the way you are Don't go trying some new fashion Don't change the color of your hair, mmm You always have my unspoken passion Although I might not seem to care I don't want clever conversation I never want to work that hard, mmm I just want someone that I can talk to I want you just the way you are I need to know that you will always be The same old someone that I knew Oh what will it take til you believe in me The way that I believe in you I said I love you and that's forever And it’s a promise from the heart I couldn’t love you any better I love you just the way you are I don't want clever conversation, no, no I never want to work that hard, mmm I just want someone that I can talk to I want you just the way you are
In relation to dating the depressed girl. listen to what everyone else is saying. It was that sentence in one of your posts that made me chuckle. No derail intended, but I just want to point out that Catholics are the original Christians.
