Do you believe in spanking your child?

I value the opinions of people on here who actually have kids. Their perspective is helpful. Those people who are talking about what their parents did to them don't have the full context...

 

the most ignorant thing in this thread is determining that a single discipline method works for every kid as if every kid was the same.

 

Thats a broad statement that's just plain wrong in many cases. You see post after post from parents who insist that this is the last option after everything else has been exhausted. A lazy parent wouldn't give a crap and just let the kid do what they want. It's a lot easier to give in to your kids wants and not exhaust every last method of discipline. A lazy parent is someone who wants to be his kid's friend because it's way too much effort otherwise.

 

4, 7, and 15 year old. You can officially value my opinion now.

 

The only time I've "spanked" my daughter was when she was doing something that was one slip away from potentially hurting her very bad and she wasn't listening to me as I ran over to stop her. After her immediate reaction, I felt horrible. Of course, now she knows when I say "wanna spanking", it's something she doesn't want and it works for her to stop her behavior.

My thought is if you are continually spanking your kid, obviously it's not working. I was popped as a kid, but looking back I can recall most instances and know I deserved them. Even the one my dad has removed from his memory (a pretty awesome double b**** slap after I mouthed off to my mom one too many times as a 16-year-old.).

 

I don't spank my kid. Never have.

But I do in fact yell at him. A lot.

 

It's more of a guide as to what happens when you *do* spank your kids.

Whether you're rapping them on the butt or throwing a haymaker, the message remains the same.

If you're going to hit your kids, don't take the decision lightly...

 

Though each has received at least one in their lifetime, I don't believe in spanking my kids. Maybe I've been lucky, but spanking has not been a required disciplinary measure.

Several posters like Juan Valdez, Jeopardee, DonnyM and others have provided well-reasoned and nuanced explanations that warrant everyone's attention. A swat or spanking is not a beating.

Those believing that all spanking equates child abuse need to realize that a quick swat on the butt can produce a purely Skinner-induced change in behavior that might save your child's life in the future.

Or you can let them run out into the street for their own lesson...

 

I have a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old. I spank. The younger one, not yet. I tell him all the time though, "wait till you're two boy!"

I try to be in control, I discipline, explain, and hug it out after. Sometimes I really beat myself up about it, because yeah, it sucks spanking your kid. For some of us, it's the parental instinct that kicks in, and that's what mine tells me to do.

I'd also be a damn liar if I said I was always 100% calm and under control while disciplining my children. It's not so black and white, this way or that way.

I certainly don't think there is one way to raise your children. I just know, that when I say something, my kids listen. If my wife who doesn't do any spanking at all says something, they ignore her. And same goes with all the other kids and parents that I see around me. Friends and family alike.

I just want my kids to know when it's ok to be kids, and when it's time to be quiet and well behaved. Above all, have some damn manners. So many bad kids...soooo many.

 

Don't have kids myself, but I have been on the receiving end. My mom would say "when your dad gets home, you are getting spanked." I prepared by stuffing socks in my shorts. My dad caught on and started spanking me on the hind leg with a wooden rod. I deserved every punishment inflicted; it was completely fair. I am not abusive, and I was spanked a lot. I see myself as more laid back than abusive.

 

I imagine you have to be willing to avail yourself of all options in light of your kid's obedience to you and other elders, capacity for physically destructive behavior and your own time constraints. However, you also probably have to align your disciplining methods with those of other parents, so they don't perceive you as either overly abusive or permissive and then restrict their kids' interactions with yours. At that point you've got an isolated kid who will see themselves as victimized, and might just double down on the crappy behavior.

 

Wow I'm surprised so many people actually approve of hurting your child. Since this question was asked on a American board I expected a pretty high number of people who would approve of it, but I did not expect such a high number. I knew America was backwards on some matters (Drugs, sex etc), but I didn't expect this. I wonder how low the number would be if this was asked on a Dutch board.

If people mean by spanking a slap on the hand of a child when it tries to pick op fire, in order to avoid her getting hurt I can understand doing that. But I’m quite sure that is not what most people mean. The qay i interpate spanking is the act of hitting your child after they did something wrong to teach them not to do it again. So you deliberatly hurt a defenseless child to make a point.

I cannot understand that a person would deliberately hurt their child in order to teach them a lesson. It is pathetic that some people feel the need to hurt a child who has no means to defend themselves, just to teach them a lesson.

I'm disgusted so many people would approve of this method. If you have to resort to violence you are doing something wrong. For me there is no excuse for hurting your child on purpose to try and teach them a lesson. IMO hurting your child never makes the situation better. The only thing it might cause is that your child becomes afraid of you, and makes sure you do not find out if they to such a thing again.

Normally I can respect the opinion of other poster, but not in this case. I'm disappointed in this board. I have not read the entire thread since I do not want to find out if some posters I respect are people who approve of something so disgusting

If I have offended someone, good, I hope they will reconsider hurting a helpless child.

 

Ofcourse it is dramatic. I know I haven't swayed anyone, that was not my point. I was just upset so many people aprove of this. I thought most people would have left that behind them in the 50's. But I was wrong.

I also do not spank my dog, I just do not see the point of hitting (and trying to hurt them) a helpless person or animal to makle a point. I see no logical reason why that would help the relationship between parent and child, and I also do not see how it would teach a child anything but do not get caught by your parent because they will hit you.

You should explain to the child why it is wrong what they did, and make them understand the difference between right and wrong. Not because otherwise you will hit them. I just do not believe in teaching people by using fear (which is what spanking is).

 

Chill out bro. That's why America has won so many wars, because we spank our kids. Don't you insult murica'

 

Fear is the easiest and quickest way to teach a lesson, our most basic instincts are rooted in fear.

Also, it really depends on the child as well. I was raised in a city where I'd reckon a majority of parents spank their children. Unless your kid is quite smart and actually understand what you're talking about when going on about 'right or wrong', they'll just forget about it in about half an hour. I was spanked all the time, which I don't think was the right way at all, but it did stop me from doing anything wrong at all.

But if the child crosses the line in doing something wrong, then the parent may have to do so as well.

 

Exactly it is the easiest thing to do. Nobody said raising a child is easy. Resorting to pain is IMHO weak.

I agree it depends on a the child how to raise him, But i believe using pain and fear never helps any child. If a child is not intelligent enough to understand that something was bad, she will also not understand why you are hurting her. The only thing you teach them is to fear you.

I believe teaching your child the difference between right and wrong is one of the most important things to teach them. I also believe every child should develop a moral compass for themselves and learn how to judge if something is right or wrong. By using fear and pain you do not help the child understand why something is right or wrong.

Ok since so many people approve of spanking (mostly as a last resort), what are situations that you believe you have to spank your child. Which line do they have to cross?

 

Honestly this thread should be in D AND D not hangout. I'm trying to avoid posting in these kind of threads, id rather stick to hangout and garm. When I reread my posts on threads like this I realize that I kind of come off as deuchey, condescending, and pseudo intellectual. These are all just opinions and id rather not have people form judgments about my character based on these kind of posts so I'm out.

Although I will say that my posts weren't bs. I was just going off what I learned about the subject in school. Those findings were based on interviews and statistics so they obviously aren't proven, but they have some merit.

 

I see you feel strongly about this. However, rather than looking down on our culture, I encourage you to read all of the thread. There were several very good posts by the usual quality posters. They largely said violence (spanking), if used sparingly and as a last resort, could be effective for certain children. Usually it was followed by a sincere explanation.

The sticking point is whether children should be treated as adults - intelligent beings that can be reasoned with. Here, most say no. My parents used various forms of corporal punishment on my siblings and I according to the guidelines in this thread. We kids understood why force was eventually used when polite requests failed. We quickly learned where the lines were, and as we grew older we discovered why those lines were there. And we rarely kept things from our parents, not for fear of violence, but for disappointing them.

An example of a line that was crossed was my little brother yelling and running around in a cinema, despite several warnings from my parents. When the child failed to understand the wrongness of his actions, a swift slap from my mother in the bathrooms quickly drove the lesson home. He nearly did it again months later, but one glare from her and he shut his mouth and stayed in his seat like an angel. Once he grew older, he finally understood why what he did was wrong so corporal punishment was phased out.