My views on it: I spank my kid. Never ever as some sort of toughening up device. Strictly as a last resort disciplinary action and never with anything else except my own hand. This way I feel the slap as much as he does. I find that I don't come close to going over the top if I can feel part of his pain. I think if you use a stick or something to spank your kids, you will be in some part be desensitized to the pain you are inflicting. I think it's fine if you don't spank your kids, but please discipline them in some manner. Too many people are too lazy when it comes to this.
agreed entirely with everything you said. I highlighted the part that I feel really needs to be stressed to those of us who spank their kids currently or will in the future. You must explain to the child why he got spanked, and make sure he knows you do it because you love him, not because you are mad at him. If you are seething mad, DO NOT SPANK your child at that moment. Wait until YOU have calmed down, otherwise it is just a selfish outlet for your frustrations.
That's not how I would ever react if I was a dad. I would hate the feeling of feeling like my dad chose his wife over his kids. My mom used to yell at my dad to hit(spank) me or my sister but he would refuse to. He always told me and my sister that people can always find other mates later in life but children were truly special. It worked too. He's never lost the respect of me or my sister. But then again my dad was a wise man that never got overly macho or weird. He didn't have me until he was 42 so he was around 50 during adolescent disciplinary problems.
Kids need limits defined to them. Sometimes spanking is the last resort. Other times you have straight up spawns of hell that can take the pain. When that happens...duck and cover
By the way, I didn't mean to incinuate in my last post that the way you were raised is wrong. I just re read it what I typed and it could come off as condescending. I think they are both just different ways of being raised. I'm sure you're very proud of your parents like I am of mine.
I figured that my post could be viewed as parenting done the right away. I did well in grade school but I don't think that was due to the fear of being hit but more in line of being competitive academically and wanting to get into good colleges. I guess the question is can discipline/obedience be taught without the need for spanking? I'm not entirely sure. Also, I guess spanking and being strict on your kids are two different things. I wanted to run away from Houston as soon as possible. That lead to me being in a college environment at a young age. Partying at a young age.
The friends I had growing up who had similar experiences to you only shared the partying at a young age. None of them graduated high school early and went to Baylor or anything like that. Kudos to you.
Do I believe in it? As what? A good/proper method of discipline? That'd be a no. Do I believe it works? Technically, yes. But there are proven unintended consequences. If you hit your child as anything other than a last resort, you're being lazy and possibly abusive. Hitting a child is an acknowledgement that you can't control or discipline them without violence. The child will take that lesson with them in life and it will irreparably harm your relationship with them. It's a failure on your part as a parent. Obviously, no parent-child relationship is always going to be sunshine and lollipops and corporal punishment will almost always be required at some point, but if you don't feel immediate regret and displeasure at hitting your child, you probably shouldn't be hitting your child. And worse yet, if you feel pleasure or satisfaction at doing it, then you need to seek professional help immediately.
I totally agree with everything you said! (Hispanic) Corporal Punishment Lite.... Spoiler ....... ....... .......
I don't really have a strong opinion about it yet, but I must say I'm surprised by the poll results. Always thought the younger generation (both X and Y) had a much more negative view of it (and I assume at least half the boards members fall in that age group).
it devalues the child and hurts his confidence. It teaches him that violence is always an option (some of the same posters defending spanking are the same posters that defend shooting to kill in self defense). Its proven that it teaches the child that their mistake was getting caught rather than doing the deed. My intro psychology class professor freshman year claimed that children who were praised and supported for doing good things while growing up had less insecurities and more confidence than children who were punished and scolded for bad things. He also claimed that men who were spanked as children are more likely to be impatient, rush to judgment, and beat their wives. Obviously its not a HUGE deal and successful, ethical, intelligent, and moral people can come from a spanking household or nonspanking household, but most of the evidence states that its probably a better idea to avoid spanking your kid.
thx. I try harder when kids are involved You realize that the two are not mutually exclusive right? Also, punishment and scolding is not the same as spanking. Most intro to psych courses (i'm assuming its human development) shows that the "lots of love, lots of discipline" is the best method out of the 4 general paths in parenting.
different kids respond differently to different forms of discipline. Some respond better to spankings and some respond better to talking and other forms of discipline. It's important to find what works for each child. I think one of the worst things you can do when raising a kid is to go into it with some sort of rigid idea of how you are going to raise them. My son actually responded very well to reason as a child where my daughter did not. Strange because I would have thought it would have been the other way. Both responded well to extra excercise as a form of discipline. One thing I do think is important is to have the type of realationship with your kid that he or she is secure about your feelings towards them regardless if you spank them or use some other form of discipline. And I always think it's important to talk to them about their discipline since it's important for them to truley understand why they are being disciplined.
The demographics of this board are probably skewed in a way that impacts the results. Being anti-spanking is a white, middle class and above, young parent trend. I don't know the board's demographics, but my GUESS is that the majority of the white, middle class and up members are probably of the older variety while the younger membership here is more minority. As for me, as a white, young parent of middle class and up economic background, I don't know yet. Get back to me in 4 years. What I will say is that I can't understand some parents total disconnect on violence and violent language. You go to Walmart and there are tons of examples of mothers who hit their children hard, in public or at the very least use incredibly harsh language. I saw a woman grab her kid by the pony tail and pull her towards her telling her to get still before she "beat you in your head." It was crazy.
