I totally get where you're coming from. I could easily be earning 40-50k more where I work at, but I choose not to. In order for me to make that I would have to sacrifice a lot of time away from my family, and that's a sacrifice that I'm not willing to make! I pick up my kids after school, and do the Mr. Mom with them (choir/football/band/homework), stuff my co-workers are missing out on! There's a time for everything and right now it's time for me to be a dad. In regard to the question, I make twice as much as my wife... ....... ....... .......
Your opinion is quite rude. It isn't like the OP doesn't work. Maybe he enjoys spending time with his son as well. It isn't his responsibility to make sure his wife doesn't have to work, or only has to work so much unless that expectation was made clear prior to marriage. It is sexist to think otherwise. A marriage is a partnership, and both sides have to make sacrifices to make it successful. Every relationship is different, and has different needs. Personally, I gave my wife the option, but told her she still had to get a degree. She was a homemaker for a few years, failed out of college multiple times, and was generally useless. I was doing almost everything. I still shoulder a majority of the housework, but now she works part-time as a PCT and is 6 months from being a nurse (and hopefully passing the NCLEX). She'll probably start earning more than me eventually, though that is impossible to know. I may open my own firm closer to home (I work about 30 miles from home) to be more focused on caring for my kids.
I have clients where one spouse makes more than 10 times the other and yet they still work, though that is usually the female making more when that happens.
Are we really going here? Edit: Some women care about their children and want to make sure they are raised properly. Mind = blown.
She gave birth to their son, she wants to raise him and is upset that she doesn't get to see him, as he is asleep when she is not working. Many women would be upset or feel cheated. There is nothing rude about my response. If he wants to man up and address the situation, it is up to him. He can find a higher paying job. He can get a second job or he can sit her down and say that he isn't going to work more than he is already and she can either accept it or leave him. Regardless, any of those options are better than a cavalier approach which will just cause resentment over time to reach a boiling point. Yes, every relationship is different. Some women want to work outside the home and their desires should be respected. Likewise, some women want to stay home and raise their children and their desires should be respected.
TexasStake I am not telling you what to do. However you do need to directly address the issue because you don't want it to fester. It is a big deal and can cause divorce or major rifts in a relationship.
Does the guy's desire ever come into play? Or is his only option to "man up" by way of caving to his wife's every whim? I agree it's needs to be addressed, but your solution sounds way too one-sided.
I don't really have a solution for the OP. In my case I made the decision that the financial responsibility would fall on my shoulders, and I spent 4-5 years working two jobs as a consequence. I personally took a lot of pride in being able to financially support my family. However I know times are changing and everyone is different. My only "solution" is for the OP to take it seriously and confront the issue head on. The worst thing he can do is say "Oh well" and let it just fester in his relationship. One of the last things you want is to be viewed as an obstacle between a mother and child. The point made by several posters that she knew the OP's financial situation prior to having a child and she knew his personality are valid..... but I also know that things change AFTER you have a child, especially for women.
I can make her quit but she likes her office job. I CANNOT stay at home and do nothing, I know she would feel the same way. Done it before.
Why would you want to make her quit? "Do nothing all day"? I assume you don't have children....... it certainly isn't an easy do nothing job.
Doesn't she have the weekends? It's not like high paying jobs grow on trees... Perhaps she's not happy with her work and is taking it out on you. If you had to work two full time jobs so she can stay at home, does she see that as a better option for the family? Are you willing to sacrifice 80+ hours a week so she can homeschool the kid(s)? That's not "manning up"... that's becoming a slave to the world IMHO. Sounds like you two just need to sit down and talk it out. I don't know what sort of spending habits you guys have. If she's willing to be more frugal, then it's an option.
Did you ever spend time with your your kids? Did you while working 2 jobs? I know I work during the day, and spend time with my kids virtually every day. I have a couple of hours on most weeknights and all day Saturday and Sunday. I'm still there at every parent event. It is very rude. You are insinuating that he is not being a man, because he doesn't make enough money to allow his wife to stay at home and live the life they are accustomed to. I agree with the sentiment that they need to discuss this, as ignoring it will just lead to more problems, and frankly this should have been discussed before deciding to have a child. Some men want to stay at home and raise their children. The man or woman does not have any more right over the other in that regard. I think it is wrong for his wife to be pressuring him. I don't think there is anything wrong with his wife asking. None of us can give him a good answer on what he and his wife should do. All they can do is sit and talk about what each of them wants and hope they can work something out.
Then she is and idiot by wasting money and time on a degree when all along she wanted to be a stay at home wife watching soap operas all day. Mind=Blown
A person can do very close to nothing while watching a child. Infants sleep a lot, and lots of children easily entertain themselves. I hate to say bad things about my wife, but I saw just how little work a stay at home parent can do. That is why it didn't work with us. Most successful stay at home parents keep a clean house, and are very attentive towards their children. It helps create a more relaxing environment for the working spouse to come to after work.
