Yup. When deciding whether to make the loan or not, you have to decide if you will be happier if your decision results in: A.) losing the relationship because you denied him/her something they "needed" or B.) not getting paid back but seeing him/her do irresponsible things with the money You have to realize both of those are likely potential outcomes and decide which is more bearable. The answer is a no-brainer for me, but everyone has to decide based on their own situation and value system.
Don't let them guilt you into saying yes. Keep your stance. If they don't get it, then something is mentally wrong with them. I have family members that make me feel like crap and want me to help them in anyway. At first, I felt sorry but there is a fine line.
It is just money. I mean 500 or 1000 is not a lot in the grand scheme of things. I guess it just depends on if you value the relationship or not.
If the shoe was on the other foot, would she come to your aid? I also come from a culture of respecting elders, and strong family ties, but there also has to be a line drawn in the sand. If you feel like you really need to help them out because they need it, then do it without expecting anything in return. However, if you truly can't afford to take the hit without getting that money back, then you need to say "NO" and move on from the subject. If she's got a husband and two kids, what is she using the money for anyways? Is she trying to buy things on the side without her husband knowing, or do they truly need the help for paying bills, buying groceries, etc? These are questions that you should ask her next time she bugs you.
This is always a difficult question and I think the best thing to do is to talk to the rest of your family about it. If she needs help and you can't afford it or even if this is a bad pattern with her you should check with the rest of your family to see if someone else can help of if your family can work together to address her situation. One thing that I think is a bad idea is having a no lending money policy at all. Besides that it might poison relationships you also have to consider what if you need financial help at some point. How likely are your friends or relatives going to be willing to help you out if you weren't willing to help them out because you ideologically were opposed to lending money to anyone.
Ask her for money first. Seriously, it'll make her realize you're in no position to lend anything, and she'll stop asking you.
Most people I know who borrow money from friends or family are more than willing to explain what the emergency is. Otherwise there may be other problems in their life causing the money mismanagement issues. Whether gambling, addiction, or just general irresponsibility and living outside their means, many of those problems are not going to be fixed just by getting more money. If there was a real emergency, and I had the money, I would help. Someone who makes it a habbit of borrowing money and never paying it back would need to convince me that it was really an emergency though. Otherwise I would tell them that I didn't have the money, and if they kept pushing the topic I would tell them that we will talk about their next loan after they pay back the ones that have already been given.
man i'd get myself into serious debt before i'd ask family or friends for money. and i would absolutely never loan anyone money (who asked, and asking for a donation for something important is different), but then again i don't surround myself with those types of people. i don't really talk to any of my extended family, mostly because both of my parents have been burned by aunts/uncles/siblings taking advantage of them in that way.
I've had ex-girlfriends ask me for money. But at least I can get sex from them later on, if they don't have cash to pay me back.
If you can help them then just give it to them. If it isnt within your means to give then dont. It's family and you shouldnt let something as arbitrary as money come between you and your family. Withholding for no reason other than pride or a "life lesson" is cold imo.
Well try to empathize. I remember when I used to ask for money all the time, I hated it. Part of it was because I lived in the same house so when you've borrowed the money the issue was always there because you passed by each other all the time. Family members think they can get away with borrowing money because the discomfort is short and the reward is sweet. Change that. Start lending them smaller amounts and make the conversations longer and longer when she asks. Also, she asks you and not any of your other family members because you're a sucker and she knows it. She probably also knows you value your relationship and is (hopefully implicitly) using it against you. In that case be very honest - you value the relationship you have with her but every relationship is a two-way street and she has to realize you have bills to pay and you're not well-off either. 'Course, she could just be ignorant and have no idea the stress she's putting on you. That would actually be the best case scenario 'coz she'll be very apologetic and will stop immediately. All the guilt and none of the blame. Good luck!
That's a great way to have family members take advantage of you. In my experience, the more you give the more they start to 'expect' it. And that's when money can come between you and your family. If it happens once in a blue moon, of course...help them out. But if it happens on a regular basis, someone is probably taking advantage of you. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I have had several ask and I used to help all of the time. When I realized the ones that never paid back I stopped. I told them why also. You have to speak up.
That or you could only be feeding their "bad behavior" (whether it be gambling or some other addiction, living beyond their means, laziness or lack of motivation to get their act together, etc.), which only serves to extend and exacerbate their problems, leading to even greater family dysfunction. "It's family" can be enough to let you hear them out and consider lending money, but you should really investigate more before blindly handing out cash.
Aside from sentimental values, most extended family are useless. I also don't care much about those family gatherings during the holidays. If you can afford (financially and emotionally) being without them, then stay away. However that's IF you can actually avoid them. In some families, you have to meet them whether you like it or not, unfortunately. Moving away and not tell your extended family where sounds awesome. I had a friend who did that because she had szchitty family. She was happier than ever... such an envious position to be in.
Dude... ummmm... ...OK... OK... we heard it already. Your family sucks. We got it. Let go of your hate, man. I know a good therapist.
Write her a letter or email getting all your thoughts out. That way she can't interrupt you and counter every point you make.
