If you've really reached this point, tell her on the phone or in writing not to contact you, then the next time she calls and asks for money try to make a record of it and get the ball rolling for some kind of harrassment charges. Probably want to check with a lawyer first.
lol geez chill its probably not that bad. Hes most likely trying to find out the best way to say no to people. Their is no real right way because each person takes the 'no' differently.
I dont think its about whether they pay back or not and I look at it from a 'need' point of view. How badly does she need it vs. a convenience? If she needs it then you you should help her. If you dont have it then you dont have it. Certainly if its all the time and a lot then you have to asses the situation and see whats going on. I have had family members help me out and I have helped my brothers out as well. In fact I just got a bill from my brother today that I am going to have to help him out on. So for me to you I think you need to look at it as a need point of view. If she doesnt need it then offer to help in other ways and that 'you cant help financially right now but what else can I do' kinda thing. Sure we have to look out for the bum factor and if shes taking you for a ride then yeah you may have to cut out completely. Only you know those thresholds. You know if shes taking advantage.and maybe she is. BUt if shes not taking advantage and if she needs help ..and you can help her ..then help her
You might want to try this.... From now, every time you see her, ask her is she can lend you some money. Tell her that your income is not enough to cover all your bills and it would really help if she could give you certain amount each month. When she says that she doesn't have any $$ to lend, tell her, "It's ok, I will check again next week."
Politely say NO, and if they press why, tell them about their history of not paying it back. If they still press, and you feel weak, ask for collateral.
I don't have the stomach for this since either situation makes me feel like a ****ty person when I refuse or they don't pay back and I'm the bad guy for calling on their loan. Just start bugging her about the money you loaned her. Then she'll be the one not talking to you... Plus, if they're lying and scheming to get at your money, that's all you are to them. I have aunts and uncles who did that to my dad. May he rest in peace, but those ****ers are dead to me. Also, don't let up or compromise. 1) Compromising to them means that you're holding back on them, which means the next time for them is to negotiate higher. 2) You're only "their favorite" until they believe you're never giving them anything. 3) If you're the only one that gets these requests, it signals a lack of respect, some hidden reason that they think you're privileged, or a perception that you can be exploited. Doesn't sound like favorite to me. If it were the opposite, they'd respond to that differently, like talking to you about "other shady ass people" and how they work. If that sounds harsh, look more into their deeper actions than their superficial words.
Can you afford it if they dont pay you back? Are you helping them, or are you continually being a crutch? What are they doing with the funds they have? What happened the last time they were in this situation if it was one? These are important questions for you to know and have answers to if you're going to be shelling out cash.
This is what I was thinking too looking at the thread. Sometimes people really are desperate for money and really do need a helping hand. Is that her situation? Or does it seem like she wants to take advantage of you? I'm guessing it's more likely the latter given that the question is even being asked here. If so, then definitely a firm no. Or perhaps offer help in other ways. Maybe you can help donate some of your time or other ways to show that you wish to help, but simply lack the monetary resources to do so.
No, but my situation was a little different. I don't want to talk to her again, and I don't want her to ever contact anyone else in my family. Without going into detail... she's bad people. She puts a strain on all those around her. Just recently, she had been saying that she had a friend and good job awaiting her in New Mexico but she needed money for the flight. So my sister bought her a plane ticket, drove her to the airport, helped pack all her belongings, found a home for her cat, and about 2 weeks later... she was somehow back in Texas and in need of some more money, and was demanding the cat back.
If you do loan them money be sure its a check and write loan in the memo. That way when you end up on Judge Judy all you have to do is show a copy of the check with loan written it.
I just remembered a buddy once told me that if you give them moneez, you're actually NOT helping them. Instead you're showing that it's OK to leach of people. You're actually helping them dig a deeper hole for themselves. So teach them a hard lesson and let them find out that moneez doesn't come for free and you have to work for it. Basically, like I've said before... drop the family.
I would say don't ever consider any of these questions. The answer should almost always be "no," except possibly in rare, dire circumstances (talking life and death health care costs). Even if you can "afford it" now, that is money you almost certainly will need later. The most you should do is offer advice and try to get to the root of the problem.
My girlfriends brother's both ask her to borrow money all the time. It's funny since she is the youngest one and just graduated college in December. She makes way less money than one of them, and the other makes slightly less than her, but has much less responsibilities they have to pay for than her (doesn't have a rent to pay etc.).
Often times, people are so afraid of being taken advantage of that they miss out on opportunities to help others -- even a family member.
Don't let your heritage or your ancestry dictate incorrect manners of dealing with tough situations. Whether you were born in Germany, Mexico, or Madagascar, you should just be fair and just to all humans, regardless. You mention that they "guilt u", so you already know that's wrong to do. Do you really NOT have the money and don't want to lend it, or are you just feeling like you should say NO just because? If you have it and can afford to lose it and not expect it to come back, give it. I would give it. I always will without feeling guilty, because I can afford to. I think you may have answered the question already... I believe you cannot, but consider that next time. You mention that you're supposed to respect your elders, but you don't clear up if this person is your female cousin, aunt, niece, mom, or grandmother. What is she? Does it matter? I think so, because there's a level of understanding if they are much older than closest relatives. Still, your first inclination is to say "NO", and you're doing well by just refusing. I won't try to change your mind, because that's not what I mean to do by telling you this. Search your feelings and know where you can financially be if you help or if you don't help.
I would do like a few others have suggested. Everyone can have a bad situation where they need a little help. I'd say yes once, and let her know that you're doing it this one time only, and that it's a hardship on you, but you'll do it since she's family. But make sure she knows not to ask again in the future before you give it to her this one time.
A simple No should suffice. Just understand: if you ever do "loan" them money, it is basically a gift, and you should have zero expectation of it being returned.
