....should one stop grieving over a loss? What I am mainly asking is there a point where someone should just "get over it"? Like a person still crying over the loss of a loved one 30 years down the road. I was told this by someone today and it made me think. Personally I think there isn't one and that he was being an *******. What do you guys think? Because some major losses stick with you....
If you miss them then its alright, especially if its the death of a close friend or a family member. I don't think you'll ever completely get over something like that. If it gets to the point where it starts to have a negative effect on your work or life, then I think you should seek the help of a professional; like a grieving counselor or a therapist.
There is a certain point where you have to "let go" and move on. But, that point is completely dependent on the person grieving. Never rush anyone.
This. I lost a son in 2004 and my wife now lost 2 sons in 2007. We still have our days where it sucks......but we both have moved on and can still function. My ex-wife though (mom to my son that died)......still has not let go. It still controls her life. Caused our divorce and her to lose many friends/family. Point is......it never goes away. But if I ruins your life......get some help.
It never really goes away but one day it just clicks and instead of dwelling on how you should have spent more time him the person or whatever it may be, that turns into remembering the good times and an ease comes over you. You fully get over it though. I still have to get mentally prepared to go through pictures of me and my grandfather when my mom starts to go through the old albums.
That is really rough and I feel for you and your family. I agree with the other posters. Grieving isn't some set formula that everyone follows. It is different for each individual. There is no right time to let go. What we should remember though is that while we lose people we love we are still here and it is up to us to keep on living for those we have loved. A few years ago the drummer for my band died suddenly and unexpectedly. At that point I wanted to break up the band and just couldn't imagine playing without him there. After meeting with his family and an internal band meeting we decided that the best thing to do was to keep on playing as a band as that is what he would've wanted. One of the realities of life is that there is pain and loss in it. Just because we suffer from that doesn't mean we should stop living.
Wait why was he being an *******? Was he the one still grieving after 30 years the one who said to get over it?
Every situation is different. I used to work with a woman who's son had died from an undiagnosed illness when he was 5. I didn't meet her until about 5 years after. She was still hanging on and still trying to find out what it was that killed her son. She also had this bad habit of injecting the information about her son's death into just about any conversation. On one hand, I felt horrible for her as I could not begin to imagine losing one of my children. On the other hand, still trying to find the cause 5 (and now 10) years later seems to me like she just can't move on. I don't begrudge her for that...but I do for constantly reminding everyone around her and making it one of the first things people learn about her when she meets someone new. It's almost quite literally, "Hi, I'm XXXXXXX. My son died. Nice to meet you."
It's easy to say 'get over it' when you are no the one affected by it. My mother passed away in 2000 and I will never be over it. I don't cry every moment, but I do think about her and the loss all the time... and pretty much every day. It sucks. Its not grief or pity party but just a deep feeling of loss. It isn't any less 'missing her' in 2013, as the day she died in 2000. You shouldnt let it define your every moment and there has been times where my mothers death held me back in some ways ..and the pity party associated with that. But you fight it. The struggle is to not let that define me or 'win' on me, but the sadness related to her and loss is not going away. If you love you parents, they are alive now, and you enjoy them, take a moment today to cherish that. Nothing is forever.
I don't think there is a set time period. Everyone grieves differently depending on the circumstances. For instance, I will always feel guilty that I put off not seeing my grandmother before she died. I wanted to stay in Austin to watch the Tech game with my friends. Of course I knew she was sick, but I didn't think she would pass that weekend. I got a call in the middle of the 3rd quarter. When I looked at my phone and saw it was my dad, I knew what it was because it was a commercial and nothing had happened in the game. I am feeling sick just thinking about it right now. Ugh sometimes I disgust myself.
There is NO TIME defined for these types of situations as they are very personal. *why do people ask these kinds of questions? People deal with these types of situations differently... it's not like there is a law or a requirement by some policy that says that there should be a defined time for this and other similar types of things... like: When should I start dating again? When can I take my kids to see an R-Rated movie? Etc. A lot of these are very personal.* I agree with this. Also, I don't think you should grieve just to show people you're grieving. Do it for yourself. roxxfan, did the person who say "get over it" mention why they had to say this to someone that was grieving? Were they bothered by it, was it something just to irate the person receiving the comment? That's not good, either. Two wrongs don't make a right.
Yes. You have to let go. There are many things where there you can give both a right and wrong answer, but in this instance I truly believe moving on is the only choice. Its the circle of life, its impossible to keep living your own and feel the blessing of what it means to be alive when you are so caught up with other things. I'm not saying its easy, but its a harsh reality of life.
My mom passed unexpectedly in 2002. I still think about her everyday. It's hard.. I have grown into a man and many of life's accomplishments, and strides you've made are bittersweet, because you want her to see how far you've come. I'll probably feel the same way 20 or 30 years from now..
