I find this fascinating. I know that this is a common point of view in much of the world, so I'm trying to use this thread as a way to learn rather than judge. It's honestly difficult though, because this way of thinking sounds so incredibly ridiculous and backwards to me. Why would your parents decide who you can/can't marry? Why would your worth be judged on what your father did or didn't do? Why would you marry someone you're not in love with? And I'm not even gonna touch the whole cousin thing. I also appreciate the OP's willingness to share his feelings on the matter.
Culture is a funny thing. It's usually something that people have done together (as a community/region) for so long that they just adopt it as a part of their life (in my eyes anyway). Arranged marriage is more of a suggestion kind of thing that has a lot of pressure involved since they have families there. It's almost like an interview process but instead of 1 on 1 its 1 whole family on 1 whole family (no gang bang). Like someone mentioned earlier, apple doesnt fall far from the tree. I get that, but My father is differnt from my grandfather. I am different from my father. I am different from my brother. So that is only going to get you so far when judging a family. As far as love goes, I am sure once someone agrees to marry someone else and the attraction factor is there, you will learn to love the qualities that said person has. I mean, you learn to love girlfriends anyway since you start off dating them when you like them. I am sure people in the middle east find it strange that americans and other people of today's society date and have relations with people they barely even know or have not made any sort of commitment to. Cousin thing is strictly a reference from what gets thrown out there in my culture. Since overseas weddings are expensive as F&%#, if you marry a cousin, you know the family already, there isnt going to be any feud on money, and you already know the person very well. Yes I am sure that there is a big chance of birth defects since blood is so close. I have been offered the option a few times growing up, but I took it as a sick joke. I really dont have too much to hide. People on this board know me in person, and if this changes how they feel about me as a person, then that's their own test of character.
I am kind of confused by what the OP is looking for. A lot of what you are describing is pretty having your parents set you up with someone that you think will meet your wants. You also say you don't want to be forced into anything. I am curious but is this an all or nothing situation that you if you accept your parents setting you up with someone you have to accept them you can't just see who they pair you with and decide if you want to marry them or not? Also does the woman they set you up with get a say?
You know the real Bob Marley had children with several other women besides his wife Rita and Rita wasn't a virgin when she met Bob.
sin is overrated love is underrated we sacrifice love to prevent sin, we end up loving a figure that may or may not even exist more than the person we're tied to. it leads to incomplete relationships
Funny, I was discussing that topic with someone last week at length. For instance, in India most marriages are arranged where the bride and groom met maybe only once or twice before the wedding. A lot of that has to do with the culture that views marriage not merely love affairs between the two, but rather family affirs. Families are united through marriages, so are the businesses of the families, typically. It is different. Anybody has good satistics showing qualities of married lifes in those cultures as compared to the rest, like divorce rate, family properity, stability? My general impression is that marriages in those cultures are not necessarily lesser in those regards. At the end of the end, follow your heart. Marrying someone is a big commitment. Maybe judgements by your parents are not necessarily bad as they may know about the other side, and have more life experiences than you. But for many of us raised in a different culture, that just seems such an alien concept.
Love is overrated. Lasting marriages are founded on friendship while passion of love typically fades quickly after the wedding.
There is also a religious aspect to that I believe. From what I learned, people in those cultures think arranged marriages have worked for thousands of years, so why take the risk. Free marriage on one's own is also relatively new in the West in the whole history.
friendship and love are pretty much the same thing with your partner, IMO. you love the friendship. the best relationships arent based around the fleeting lusty aspects of love. but then again when its really love it never goes away completely
That's a bit oversimplified. Maybe tangentially, maybe even not tangentially. I cannot even think of logical explanation to support that. Where is the evidence? Quickly, there are plenty of places where non-arranged marriages are the norm are not doing all that well in our standards.
Yeah, but also there is the day to day stuff, like eating habits, hygine stuff, personalities, etc, etc. That to me may be seperable from love and maybe some intel and insight before the marriage is good. I think living together for awhile before getting married is a good thing.
I don't think that India is the best example to use for the argument that arranged marriages are great..... women in India are treated terrible, worse than property.
Just saying I find it interesting that is your choice for a nickname given how socially conservative the values you express are.
I don't trust the life experiences of my parents because they were born and raised in a socially backwards culture and believe it was right.
Following up on Nook's data regarding divorce rates and family stability might be skewed that many of the cultures where arranged marriage is the norm also don't have as liberal divorce laws as some cultures where arranged marriages are not normal. This is one thing I am trying to figure out is are we talking about forcing people to marry against their will or just where people go along with who their parents pick. If we are just talking about the parents picking someone for their kid to marry and neither party minds because they trust and respect their parents enough to do so then I don't think this is to big of an issue. If they are being forced into on threats of violence or other coercion then that is definitely a problem.
