Tough to be certain about most of these criteria in an arranged marriage. Almost all of them require you to get to know the person first. Unless you rely on testimony from people that already know her.
This.... There are a few things going on from my observations and having had friends in arranged marriages and through doing work over seas. With an arranged marriage there is this an understanding that you must make it work, there is no divorce. Similar to a parent and child in the sense that the relationship is ever. The good part is that you are less likely to grow old alone. Also, the dynamics of the relationship are vastly different, in many cases there are "roles" in pre arranged marriages. Also, there seems to be less equality as far as the power dynamics in the marriage, the woman is more at the mercy of her husband, especially if she has been brought from another country. The good I suppose is that you have more of a partner with an arranged marriage and more of a sense of duty. You are less likely to have your spouse leave you and if you are a male you have greater control over the relationship. The negative is that you are not marrying for love (which is great when it works, but it doesnt work more often than it does). I would think that if I were in an arranged marriage, I would wonder what it is like to marry for love.
How is the bolded part good for the marriage? Looks like it is good for the man, but certainly not for the woman.
Why can't she have security including comfort and control? I don't think it has to be an either or. In many cases comfort, and shared control provide more security.
As FB said, why is this an either/or scenario? My wife and I both have security, comfort and control. Also, your post implies that only males can provide security and comfort by being the ones in control.
I didn't say I felt it was good. I certainly do not think it is good for most women. However, I do know that some men WANT that type of situation. The OP mentioned a number of "benefits", including getting a girl that operates as a "maid" and "cook".... if that is what he expects and wants, I find it possible, if not likely that he wants the upper hand in the relationship.
In America . . . *I* am more important than *WE* In other cultures . . . *WE* is more important that *I* That said your marriage can connect you to your culture or It can distance you from your culture That is the crust of the decision IS it all about YOU . . .or is it all about your people which includes you . Rocket River
Who do you think you are? Anne Meagan Riley?! http://bbs.clutchfans.net/showpost.php?p=2158215&postcount=121
No it doesn't, that's your own preconceptions jumping to that conclusion. If you're asking why can't someone have everything they want, well... Life is all about tradeoffs.
So I won't jump to conclusion, please explain what you mean when you say the woman may value security and comfort over control. How is that not saying that she can't have, security, comfort AND control (or at least an equal sahre in the control)? What other conclusion should I draw?
You're legally permitted to wed your first cousin in a lot of US states, primarily in the South and the NE.
I was talking about a hypothetical woman since that who he wants to marry, but a man could also have these needs/priorities. For most of human history, marriages were a means of survival and perpetuating the population. Love or freedom was a luxury that came below security and comfort in the hierarchy of needs. Mutual aide comes first. If you're in a bad situation and someone is offering you safety and comfort and a family in exchange for submitting some authority to them, that could be more appealing than the alternative.
Is arranged marriage any better? She could always leave you after she gets her green card. Everything is just a crap-shoot.
I was raised old fashioned, and I guess you can say that comes from having parents raised overseas (Philippines and Jordan). I feel like I want an old fashioned kind of woman. Someone who dresses like a lady, can take care of the home (rather than work, since I will be providing for the family), and will be able to raise my children well. I know a lot of 20-25 year old women who are nowhere close to what I am looking for, and this is what is a bit discouraging, but a lot more rewarding when I find her. I thought I had found "her" once, but a lot of things have changed since my last talking with her, mainly her, or atleast my perception of her vs how she really is (I may have had that "love" smog blocking out her imperfections). I'm educated, I work, I am not in debt. I can either live a bachelor's life for God knows how long and settle down in my 30s to some 18 year old blah blah or i can get married now and due away with the "sins".
It's also legal for a man to wear high heels in public, but that doesn't mean he won't get clowned for it.
