Arranged Marriage vs Traditional Marriage

I suppose it just depends on your purposes in marrying. If it's to find the person you're most compatible with, to have an engaged personal relationship with someone you love then arranged marriage isn't for you. If you view marriage as more of a partnership where assets, culture, and such are the predominant reasons for marriage then arranged would probably work for you. I think as Americans and our views on freedom of choice, we don't think too highly on arranged marriages though I've met several Indian and Asian couples that made it work.

 

nothing wrong with marrying your cousin

1/4 of the world's marriages are between cousins

As for the arranged part, I would write down why you want to get married and decide if an arranged marriage meets that criteria.

 

Don't pretend the atom bomb didn't save more than it destroyed.

Your "we conquered Korea" post was easily the most vile thing ever posted on this forum. ATW and texx can only dream of achieving your level of atrocity.

 

good luck with that

 

First of all bro who gives a rat's a$$ about what is socially acceptable or not in the states. You should be getting married for yourself, not for what is socially acceptable. Ten years down the line when you will have 3 kids and a nice house in the Burbs (InshAllah) you think you will be giving a damn about what was or what is "socially acceptable"? Of course not, you will be busy raising your kids, taking care of your wife, etc.

And another thing. If you do marry a girl from back home do not think at all that she will be your, "personal maid, housekeeper, nurse, cook, wife, etc." that stuff does not fly any more bro. Those girls are more modern and westernized than you and I can imagine. She will leave you quicker than a female from the West.

Lastly if you feel you want to find your wife by "everyday interaction" then sure go ahead. But like Swishh said keep it Halal. If you spot a potential mate then try and talk to her father or her uncle or an elder in the community.

 

When WNBA was dancing around proclaiming that Korea has never been conquered because of some nationalistic fervor, I pointed out otherwise. I didn't say it was a good thing. I didn't say we should do it again. I said we did it. The wording was wrong, but a large part of it was sheer losing my temper because one other poster aside, WNBA is the only regular poster here who I have utterly no respect for. And I shouldn't have fallen to his level.

If you want my thoughts on Imperial Japan, it's this. I don't think it was evil. I don't think any state can be evil, or good - I don't think North Korea is evil, nor Iran, nor was Soviet Russia. A state is simply a state, an institution of power outside the boundaries of good and evil. But there were evil men in Imperial Japan, and they did terrible things, and as a result, Japan deserved everything which happened to it. The only thing I have an issue are the Tokyo and Nuremberg trials, which I do believe were mockeries of justice and law - but I think the proper course of action would have been to just shoot the Tripartite leadership without a trial.

And that's all I'm going to say because this is derailing.. You want to whine more, dback, make a new thread. I'll respond there.

 

Good luck finding that in the US (if she has no 3 anywhere). Maybe make a bunch of money first and have servants and maids to help with most of that.

 

Also you're not living under the caliphate anymore, you can marry whomever you want as long as it is permissible under local laws.

 

Happens for thousand of years in many cultures. Do the clicks.. who knows... maybe click to them is different than to others.

To the OP, I went through (I'm not from your culture) some of this... my own take is

1- I see relative of mine doing it and they seems happy enough. However, I've noticed it's somewhat of a last resort for some of them. Can't find anyone here to their desire and so arrange it goes.

2- I can't get myself to. Maybe, just maybe as a last resort, but no. It would looked at as being somewhat ok with my parent and older relatives, but out of the mainstream for the younger relatives and most of my friends. Most importantly, it's not who I am. My culture (my personal one) is a mix of old (from parent) and new (here in U.S.) and that means... no arrange marriage - take the time to get to know someone.

3- Cousins - other have answered this clearly.

 

I don't think arranged marriages would be shunned in the US, but if you were with some people and they asked how you and your wife met, it would possibly make things awkward if you said that the marriage was arranged.

But then again... that might never come up. I have two good Muslim friends who both met their wives in Egypt, and I have no idea (and don't care) if their marriage was arranged or not. One of them is very happy and the other one is... normal.

My personal opinion is to just go out and meet people in a social environment. You'll learn more about exactly what you want and in the process will likely find a best friend and someone you would love to spend the rest of your life with.

And for god's sake man, do away with that checklist.

 

Arranged marriage is so 1500s.

DD

 

Marrying a first cousin is weird and raises chances of birth defects in your children.

Arranged marriages are fine. I think the chances that they succeed are higher than other marriages in the states.

 

Many people start to question the dictates of their religion/culture in their early 20s. If anything's going to change, it's going to change with you soon. If nothing changes, chances are good that you will continue to believe the things that you believe right now until the day you die.

 

1) It may get some "raised eyebrows" if it comes up in conversation. But most folks won't get upset about it or whatever - just they won't be able to relate.
2) Not a good idea, generally speaking.

For the bigger issue (should you follow your "culture" or do your own thing):

You have to be the one to figure it out. But I would think something as important and major as your partner for life should be something heavily predicated on your input. There are a lot of dumb things we are taught to revere or respect as children, discerning which of these are acceptable to you and which are intolerable is part of what defines you as a person. If all you ever do is what your friends/family/culture expect or demand...well, I'd call that a helluva waste.

 

I know a number of people that have had arranged marriages.

Honestly, they did better at marriage than most non-arranged marriages.

I don't know how this would play out for you, her, or your families, but seems reasonable to meet, and then decide whether or not you want to spend your life with this person.

 

1st cousins is weird. By 2nd cousins, you are fine from a scientific point of view. I guess I'd prefer to not know if my wife was some distant cousin, even though it isn't necessarily wrong.

 

Go to Queens and sow your oats before settling into an arranged marriage. You may find a pretty social worker to fall in love with and marry.