Anyone ever been a doorman/bouncer?

Winner!

It's not in NOLA.

My buddy needed someone he could trust to handle the money and let people in fairly selectively, meaning no one who looks like they will start trouble.

Meaning: I'm not the muscle. There's a cop for that. But I'm not a small guy by any means, so hopefully someone will think twice before they swing at me, but I have no chip on my shoulder so I won't be some ******* something-to-prove door guy. I don't usually lose my cool, and I won't be touching anyone. Not only is there a cop on the door with me, the place is crawling with cops; It's not NOLA.

The streets are blocked off so Taxis won't be able to make it to where I am, so not sure on calling them.

I assume the cop will have the number of his job. And I assume he will know CPR. I do know CPR, but I'm no longer licensed and don't want to open myself to legal issues if there is a professional on hand who can handle it better than I can.

I used to be able to do a roundhouse kick. I can probably do an awkward white guy kick now, does that count?

 

I'm better at donkey punching.

....

Had my first night last night.

Turns out, I was the muscle at the door since the cops roved around the bars my buddy runs, which are all on one side of the street. Broke up a fight as it started, threw one of the guys out. It was over a girl, of course. Some underage kids tried to come in and I had to tell them to (politely) hit the road, which got some muttered trash talk. Had to kick a drunk girl out who was smashing bottles.

99% of people were nice and respectful, even the meathead Affliction types. Cops were everywhere, and my buddy who ran the bars on the strip I was on would keep an eye on traffic and let me know if any thugs were coming my way, and if they were, to charge them an unreal cover which kept them out.

Didn't see boobie one, though. I always happened to have my back turned when it would happen. Tons of pretty girls though.

Instead of being a long, tedious night of rebuffing obnoxious drunks, it turned out to be a lot of fun talking to people who were there to have a good time. I was completely polite and even thankful to people, which got me some tips, something I wasn't expecting.

There were some funny moments involving ****-face drunk people. One guy absolutely demolished the bathroom with projectile vomit. It looked like there was an exorcism in there; with puke on the freaking ceiling. His buddies carried his limp body down the street. One girl puked in a trashcan in front of me what like everything she had eaten since Thanksgiving. I had fun swaying-drunk watching people almost fall off the two-foot-high curb.

They gave me a sidekick, too. Funny guy, probably 5'9, a little pudgy and sporting a beard. He was hilarious and ****ed with people nonstop. He did most of the ID checking while I loomed and took cover charge.

I made the call on cover. One group of people were all firemen and their ladies, and I let them in free. They came out much later high-fiving me and telling me I was 'the best doorman ever brah'. The budweiser guys came in after they got off and I let them in free, similar exit. The scantily clad beer girls from next door came by and gave me a big tip on the way in. One group of four younger, slightly awkward guys got pissy at the door charge and started to walk away, but one of their buddies really wanted to come in. He argued with them for a couple of minutes, and they started to walk off. He looked pretty dejected, so I motioned for him to come over and told him that I liked his enthusiasm and he could come in with his buddies. His buddies were in awe that he 'talked me in to letting them in, FREE!', and he was the -man- to them for the night.

I can see why Hellboy likes running the nightlife. The bartenders were downright accommodating, sincerely thankful and offering me free (alcoholic) drinks all night (which I declined) and asking me if I needed anything else.

Also, women love authority. I am happily married and totally faithful, but I can see how I could easily get laid on a nightly basis.

In all, it was pretty badass.

If you are in Galveston for Mardi Gras at night and see a largish white dude with blonde hair at the door to a fairly popular bar (I can't really say which), mention Clutchfans.

 

It's a much, much safer party. I hadn't been in 4 years. Yaga's took over the gates and all of the entertainment and it seems more fun than it was before. NOLA is nuts.

Not sure what you mean, but it's not kind of place.. But I'm cool with your life choices if you are.

Arready there brah.

 

Come at me, bro!

 

Pshhhhh. That's what I thought bro.

 

Did my second night Saturday night. A lot of the same, it was pretty fun, although I was getting tired for the last couple of hours.

My cop went to walk the bar, and of course **** started. I had to break up a near-fight in my line. Group of dudes bumped into one of my customers and started talking crap, and I had to jump in fast and back them down. They were pretty cocky for a second but all bluff and ended up walking the way I told them to after a few words.

A very rotund drunk girl walked out of my bar and straight over the two-foot curb and did a face plant on to the street. She was OK other than skinned knees and was doing that drunk girl cry. It was kind of cruel, but once we saw that she was OK, we busted out laughing.

The cop I was with was cool and had been around for a while and gave me some pointers like be careful with military types as they are trained to go full force no matter what. Also, for some reason drunks love to talk to cops. He mentioned it to me at one point, sighing. I guess I got the same treatment to a degree as an authority figure at the door.

A lot more meathead Affliction types on Saturday night, but they really don't have much of a personality and quietly paid up and went in. It's funny how these guys really don't pull much tail.

On that note, it was interesting to watch who did leave with women. A vast majority of the single guys who went in didn't pull any, but the guys who did were average guys who were a little older than the rest of the crowd. Experience goes a long way.

The people who made the biggest asses of themselves in front of the bar were overwhelmingly women. They stumbled around and were generally loud drunk goofballs. Some of them made me genuinely laugh. One girl came up and 'helped' me check IDs for about five minutes. We made a game out of it where I would check the ID and then tell people to show her, and they did with a completely straight face.

As I said before, ladies love the door guy. Made it easier on me, although a few of them were downright rude in that b****y repressed housewife/girlfriend way until I doubled cover on them (which I didn't really charge if they backed down). Had lots of them come back to talk to me all night long. I guess I shouldn't say it's all ladies who love the door guy, as there was one dude who's high fives turned more touchy-feely as he got drunker. At one point I had to tell him to chill as I was too busy to fend him off nicely. There were a lot of lesbians walking around and I got along well with the butches, I guess because their sexuality doesn't bother me and I just treat them like guys.

Again, come see me if you're around Galveston Mardi Gras on the Strand proper next weekend. If there's a cover at the time and you mention Clutchfans I'll let you in. I can't really do much on drinks though, as I'm usually too busy to go in with people and I don't know all of the bartenders super well anyway.

Thanks, man. I sincerely appreciate it and keep it in mind. Being a door man almost feels like a vacation in some ways, so it's tempting to pay a trip to FL where we go my wife's family anyway with some side work, especially for a fellow CFer. I looked up your bar and it seems like a cool joint, popular with the ladies.

 

Last night was pretty busy, so it went by in a blur. the beads were much better though. I saw another boob, but tons of backs of women who were showing.

Nothing super interesting happened. I had to give a few girls the anti-dullard treatment to get them to go away. (google homestar runner dullard)

Protip- if you don't like the cover, don't throw a temper tantrum. It doesn't matter who you know or how often you go to a bar. If you're cool as **** and wait a bit, the door guy might let you in. If you're a little b****, you will probably get charged more. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. This goes for men and women.

If y'all are out tonight in Galveston, come see me at Tsunami on the Strand. Mention CF.