I didn't understand a single thing you just wrote in this post, so please go and leave this thread and never come back and never reply to me, thanks.
Let's see...I said you didn't have to drink. Nothing in my posts told you to fit in by compromising yourself. Not only do you suck at life, you suck at reading. Good luck with your problems, and keep reading the lurid accounts of other people's lives.
Not sure if it has been mentioned, but do you attend religious services? If so, does your church have a singles or young adults group?
Dang man. If this is the attitude you have, you could very well be forever alone. Or more likely just settle big time. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to go out to clubs. If anyone tries to make you feel like **** for it, they don't know what they're talking about. Similarly, there's nothing wrong with people who want to go out and have a good time while they're young. Simply put, some people are more extroverted than you are. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. And you seem to be one. I would recommend reading a recent book, The Power of Introverts. I haven't read it but I've heard good things. A little story about my lifelong friend (since 1st grade) and his soon-to-be fiance: They've been together about 4-5 years and he's going to pop the question soon. In the years before they met, she was a partier. I knew her back then (we were in college together and occasionally crossed paths). Her weekends pretty much meant staying out until 5 am and sleeping until 3 pm where she would get up and start planning the next night out. I don't know her well enough to know exactly how long she carried on this practice, but if I had to guess I'd say it was about 2-3 years. Flash forward to present day. She is great from my perspective (meaning, she isn't too attached to her bf and will let him have time with our group of friends), and they couldn't be happier together. She's got the partying out of her system and is now a great combination of sociable and mature, understanding partner. Point of this little story being that you shouldn't dismiss people so easily. My friend is very much an introvert - he's never been to a club in his life. He's also never smoked or drank anything. And if he had been so judgemental, he wouldn't be with the woman he'll likely spend the rest of his life with. As far as meeting women, I would suggest getting a job. That's a great place to meet women and depending on the type of job you might have plenty of time to talk to a particular woman and spark some interest.
For someone not offended you certainly sound like it. As I said before what works for some people doesn't work for everyone. Invisible Fan's advice isn't incredibly stupid as for many people that is a legitimate route for finding happiness for many that is not. It probably won't work for you but you did ask for advice. I don't want to pick on you but if I can offer you some frank advice. that this statement tells me a lot about why you feel forever alone. That you call people who do enjoy to get out and party sheep and think they have no opinions tells me that you both are judgmental but also are harboring some bitterness and resentment about your situation. The way I read this is that in your mind you are looking at it as you are better than those people and that you could do that but you won't because you don't want to debase yourself. For one you are stereotyping but two that makes a convenient excuse to blame others for your own lack of success in social situations. This doesn't mean that you should go out and get drunk or be a douchebag. For someone your age I salute you for not drinking. What you should do though is have more of an open mind about people rather than just presuming that all those people out there at bars and house parties are sheep with no opinions. The truth is I have had some very deep conversations with both people over beers at bars. This makes you sound like as much of a sheeple as those you criticize. Have you considered that you have such a negative view of girls who party and drink because your primary experience with them is reading websites like misc. where people go to b**** about women like that? Do you have much or any first hand experience spending a lot of time with women like that? I am not going to sugar coat things and deny that there aren't a lot of shallow party girls out there who for lack of a better word are sluts but not every girl that likes to drink and have a good time is going to be that way. Let me give you a personal example. One of my best friends married a sorority girl he met at a fraternity party. He got very religious (Buddhist not Christian) and gave up drinking. She once told me that she wishes I would get him to drink again because she felt that he had become very judgmental about that she still liked to drink occasionally. Now she isn't some air head party girl but a loving wife, devoted to her kids, her parents and her husband. She is also vice president for an organ donation association. In many ways things like this become a self-fulfilling prophecy if you believe that all those people out there at bars and house parties are sluts and douchebags that is likely going to be the reaction you are going to get. If you approach it with an open mind you might be surprised about who you meet.
Actually (1) I'm not white either (2) I am talking about OkCupid and (3) my wife is neither racist or a whale. You're discounting a lot of great advice in this thread. FWIW, I hope you get past this funk. There is plenty of happiness to be had out there.
Just to add to my last post. Optimal I am not saying you should go out and hit the bars and house parties but you should have an open mind about things like that. It does sound to me like you are taking the position of "woe is me that all these people just want to go out and party while I am better than that so I am all alone." You should stop worrying so much about what other people are doing or what you think they might be like and focus on improving yourself. Not that it never happens but finding the perfect mate is rare and meeting people and relationships take time and work. You also have to consider why would anyone want to meet or go out with you? The best thing you can do for yourself is making yourself a better person. You are young so few things are fixed and who you are now need not be who you will be in the future. That said if you don't want to be the same forever alone guy when you are 40 you need to start working on that now. Anyway I don't want to get down on you as I've felt like you have before especially when I was your age. I am telling you though the same things I would say to my 19 year old self if I could.
The answer to your question probably found somewhere in this video. <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Vhf5cuXiLTA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> justttttt dddannnnceee. i.e if you want to get out of your shell, you need to stop giving a f**k what people think about you, work on interesting things and get involved in life, and just introduce yourself and get conversations flowing. get comfortable being uncomfortable. volunteer, work, live. get a black belt, or if that's not your thing, learn French. do something every day you wouldn't normally expect yourself to do.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/t08vfFUC01w" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> social network through a screen at first if you don't like doing it live.
Sounds like to me you need to stop hanging around losers and get around positive, as well as knowledgeable people. You don't have to go through what I went through and realize 3-5 years later that the party culture, while popular, won't land you anywhere in life and can actually set up consequences that may come back to haunt you for the rest of your life (though other than financial issues, I survived mostly intact). I'm not saying never go to a bar (when you're old enough), party or any similar situation but take it from me: I'm a nerd and brainiac but because it was "cool" and I wanted to fit in so bad, I tried to hang around people who weren't similar to me that only cared about partying, sex drugs/alcohol and money and all it did was lead to embarrassment (trying to fit in), depression over not making any real friends and financial stress which I'm still trying to recover from. It's like they told you in elementary school, 20-50 years from now no one is gonna care who was the most popular in school. They will only care how successful you were and truth be told I can now look back and realize that the majority of the people I wanted to hang around are ones that I want little if anything to do with today, mainly because we don't share any common bonds, not to mention they're not going anywhere in life. As for females: anyone who remembers the movie Coming to America knows this answer. The two main protagonists, who were African royalty, went to bars looking for THE main protagonists queen/wife. Then later, they bumped into a barber shop owner they met earlier, who told them "Well, that's where you messed up son, you can't go to no bar to find no nice woman." He went on to say you can go to places like the library and church (very much true). Other places might be a coffee shop, perhaps a "poetry night" (plenty of intelligent and stimulating people) and school sponsored events about an interesting topic and, as has been mentioned, there are groups to join as well like, for example, Bible study group. The point is though you need to stop surrounding yourself with people who aren't like you and with people who share common interests and viewpoints. It's not to say you suddenly just tell your current circle to F-off but you'll be much happier in the end spending more time with people like you. I know I would have been instead of trying to hang around the "cool" party crowd. Also keep in mind you can't please everyone and people will criticize you no matter what you do so it's better to know who you are and try as best as you can to get along with others then to bow to their critiques for the sake of conformity.
You can still be yourself while still trying to get along with others. There are times when you have pretty much no choice to conform (for example HATING cars, driving, oil companies and the environmental impact of it all but living in Houston) but if people don't have similar interest as me, it's time for me to find people who do even if they are few and far between. At worst, you need to come half way to me if you expect me to come halfway to you so long as what either of us are doing isn't illegal or morally so far in left field that it shouldn't be considered (for example "Hey, I take pride in being a homewrecker, let's go get a husband/wife to cheat with us)." And obviously that's even the most extreme example I could use.
Miss Right vs GF just want to add to this Success are the goals you set for yourself and how you meet them. It can be measured by none other than yourself. If you deem 'finding Miss Right' a worthy goal, then prioritize it. I am positive there are other goals you can pursue in the meantime. You are at a ripe age for exploring your interests and deciding direction. You are choosing to go a different path than the people you know because you think its stupid and whatnot. A smart thing to do then, would be to progress/pursue your other goals [other than finding Miss Right]. Being productive now will pay dividends down the road. You mentioned from my earlier post that I got extremely lucky. That is true. We all need a lot of luck to find Miss Right. If had already found her you would be extremely lucky or unlucky; Lucky because you're so young, or unlucky because your paths may diverge, which would just translate to wasted time that could have been spent furthering your life goals. The reason I say Miss Right and not a girlfriend is because you have made it clear that most girls don't meet your standards and you don't respect most women [because they do things they don't want to door whatever]. Unless you're looking for Miss Right, you shouldn't care. At your age, you usually won't get into anything serious, so why not just find the girl that is fun. That is what a GF is. As humans, we tend to blow things out of proportion. Relax, there are so many things to do in this world, but you can only get through them one at a time. Time is on your side right now. There are many situations you will encounter in life where that will not be the case. Those are the truly sad times. THIS is not one of them.
P.S. stop responding to the people on here who are getting upset with you. To those that do not agree with the OP's viewpoints, he created this thread to get advice. If somebody wants help, and all you do is put them down, what kind of society are we? If you don't like the OP's views either tell him why and how he can correct them, or don't say anything at all.
Wow, ugly inside and out. You have some issues to work out before you try to find anyone. It would be a good idea to direct any potential significant others to this thread to show what kind of person they're getting involved with...as of now it would probably be one of the worst decisions they would ever make...no offense...
Idk why you guys are giving this guy essay length serious responses. He sounds like a completely judgmental douchebag who is so set in his ways that he's unwilling to concede that maybe it isn't the entire world that's wrong, but rather his arrogant sense of self righteousness. And then on top of that he's getting super butt-hurt and raging on anyone who doesn't reinforce his sissy opinions. Like finalsbound just said, you sound like you'd be an incredibly boring person to be around. What girl would want you as a boyfriend when there are tons of exciting guys around who aren't condescending and judge like a kid with an inferiority complex? There are too many realistic viable options of guys who are attractive, have good personalities, and aren't completely socially inept for any decently attractive girl to ever consider you as boyfriend material as you stand now. That's the harsh truth of it all that maybe your coddled psyche doesn't want to hear. You're the definition of beta, brah. Also, as I mentioned to you guys earlier, this is just some lame thread that leaked over from the misc.
