How do Forever Aloners break out of their shell?

I recently met a girl in the food court at the mall I work at. I just sat down, not directly next to or across from her with no intention of talking. Sometimes it starts by a meaningless icebreaker like "do you know how the food taste here" or "what's the best value? And morphs into a gradual conversation.

Sometimes they are impressed or intrigued that I write poetry. If you have a visible hobby like that and are a shy/quiet person, people in general let alone girls will get extremely curious about something like that.

You could also:

-Wear a t-shirt about an interest you have and not something extremely popular like one that feature a movie, comic or a pro or a major college sports one (alumni shirt is different). Perhaps something like how you're part of the National Dean's List or something. Even a funny t-shirt like "I support the right to arm bears" (an actual shirt I saw last month).

-Hold a door, there are some that still appreciate chivalry (a dying breed).

-Dress up really nice with a clean look. It catches some eyes (even if they don't make it obvious) and you can actually do it for cheap if you're a smart shopper like me who also dry cleans to keep that sharp look. And match please, you don't have to from head to toe like I did once upon a time but it helps.

-Don't cuss and speak proper to the best of your ability. While some girls don't mind and are vulgar themselves, most nice girls want a guy that's well spoken and isn't a major potty mouth. You can find out over time how much they mind offensive language but early on keep it polite.

-Ignore TV and magazines. The more you watch, the more you get an unrealistic portrayal of what women are and look like. Those types of girls aren't realistic for you unless you have money or they hear somewhere that you've been, uh, blessed.

And these are just simple suggestions in your everyday environments and actions done as a way to get them to approach you.

 

it depends on who you ask. who are you trying to ask? a girl you like? or you just don't know who you like so you wanna meet other people? Do you play ball? or go to college? Go to the gym and workout, ask people for help. or go hoop and make friends from there. then you can join there social gathering. conversations just start.

 

Sometimes it gets worse if ya'll run in the same social circle. If you breakup and you might be stuck having to see them at a party or there is a whole fracture in the circle with some taking her side and some taking your side.

 

First day of school? lol no.

 

Depends on the person. Dude, women are different.

 

Also keep in mind that you only tell them so much of who you are and the things you've done. It leaves room for the relationship to grow in time (i.e. a few months after knowing you, a person may say "oh wow, I didn't know you did that, awesome.)"

Being the strong silent type may be the best way for you to meet others going forward.

 

Is watching p*rn really all that counter-productive to having a social life? lol

 

What type of p*rn?

 

I would recommend against it, unless you have some serious game.

The question your asking doesn't really have a simple solution, and like a few other posters have suggested it's really dependent on you as a person: like why don't you have a range of friends, what are your social skills like, what do you look like, what your personality is like, what age group are you in.

Your question is really broad and picking up women or getting a girlfriend is completely different depending on a range of factors, such as your age. Picking up girls at 16 is different from picking up girls at 24.

I think the first and most important thing you have to do is make some supportive friends. A good collection of friends is great, because they provide you with support when things with the ladies may not be going too well. Best way to make friends is through similar life experiences/interests e.g. work, school, extracurricular activities, travelling etc.

Meeting gfs through mutual friends isn't normally so predetermined; it normally happens organically like at a mutual friends party for example, where you strike up a conversation and you get along.

If you just want a gf for the sake of having a gf then the answer is to ask out people and don't be afraid of rejection. It's generally a numbers game, and as long as your not completely socially awkward or morbidly obese eventually someone will agree to date you.

If your too shy to meet people at bars or clubs, it's best to just join some groups that share the same interests with you (e.g. a painting class or whatever and try your luck there).

The thing is, unless your 16 or something, you can't just go up to random people (like a first day in class) and ask someone out, they need to know you a little bit, and there needs to be a connection before you make your move (imo).

The problem with this question is, different things work for different people, and I don't know you or your circumstances. For instance, my roommate is apparently a really good-looking guy and girls come up to him all the time, so he doesn't have to do anything. That's his style, if you call that a style, I guess, he has this brooding thing happening? My style is completely different though, my strength is conversation - making people laugh etc. So the way I pick up girls is completely different from him.

I'm not really sure what you want. A long term gf or a gf for the sake of having a gf, because they are two completely different goals. For the first, you just need to wait until that person comes along, but put yourself out there, be more social, meet people, make friends, network and eventually you'll find someone. For the second option, you should apply the same advice, but for this option you can just ask out anyone, throw caution to the wind.

The biggest thing though is to make friends and network, have a supportive friendship base, and just put yourself out there and meet people. For example, I went to a party where I knew no one but the host, met some cool people there, they invited me to their party a couple of weeks later, I hit it off with their core group and got to know their group of friends, I started going to all their parties, meet someone else (who was like me (just joined the group)), went to her party and meet my gf of 3 years. It's all about networking. Also, if you network and put yourself out there, there'll be plenty of times where you'll meet someone who just wants some fun for one night

Anyways, sorry for the lengthy post, hope it helps, but main point is: you have to figure it out, as you know your strengths and weaknesses best.

 

let me tell you something, i had the similar fear that you have just last semester. so i decided to just man up. i was standing next to the girl i liked and i asked her about if we had any homework and the conversation began from there. turned out she wasn't from my class, so i walked her to hers. And she wasn't from any inner circle. oh and don't forget to get the phone number - i forgot but i met her again later.

Conversations can began from anything. If you are in class, and you don't understand something or you do but you wanna act like you don't, you can ask the girl for help. If she doesn't know either, ask her if she wants to work with you to figure it out. and bam, you can start other conversations from that.

note: you can walk to class like 5 minutes late, look around for the girl you wanna talk to, and sit next to her or one seat away. that way she thinks its not cause you wanna talk to her or anything but because there are not many seats available. then you can start a conversation by saying hi or anything like 'hey do you understand this/' and ask for help.. etc..

study groups and other stuff works but you'll need to make friends in class to make study groups. so you can use what i told you above to make your study groups.

 

My first piece of advice is that Clutchfans Hangout is not a good place to get advice regarding picking up women. There is no fool proof way of picking up women and if the advice on clutchfans was so good there would be a lot less talk of fapping.

As other posters have noted different things work for different people but if I can give one piece of advice that will be helpful for a lot of other reasons than just picking up girls is to work on your own self-improvement and self-confidence. The more you feel like that you are just a loser on the bottom of the social ladder the more self-fulfilling that will be. If you feel that you can improve and get better the more likely you will actually improve and get better. This isn't some motivational speakers secret but something that is well known. Exercise and learning for learning sake will help you with this a lot. Since you are in school spend more time at the gym, check out talks on campus about subjects that aren't in your field, participate in discussion groups and etc. A lot of this will help you physically and intellectually and might also help you meet more friends including women.

Before you do all of that though I think you need to determine why you feel so down and alone. Do you just feel like your problem is getting a girlfriend or do you feel like your problem is meeting people in general?

If you feel like you are having problems meeting people in general you might have a social anxiety issue (something Clutchfans should be familiar with the Royce White saga). If that is the case you should definitely look into therapy. Even if you aren't sure therapy might not be a bad idea rather than looking for advice on Clutchfans. Most schools have therapists that you can visit for free and confidentially.

As a guy who has felt socially awkward and a loser at times (heck I am probably still a loser) I'm rooting for you. Just remember while Clutchfans isn't a good place for advice it is a good place to vent if you need to.

 

We're alike. Except I've always wanted to punch Dakota fanning.

 

Rocketsjudoka hit the nail right on the head.

I really didn't start branching out with people/friends until high school because I was sick of moving every year and having to meet new people (had many acquaintances, but no close friends) previously.

College life is especially exciting because I've met and made friendships/relationships with lots of new people. It actually makes me dread holiday breaks 'cause I miss them so much.

I try my hardest to strike up conversation when the situation calls for it and expose some of the weirder parts of my life.

It's cliche, but clothes do "make the man." On Fridays, I happen to dress up in a suit and tie just for the hell of it; on Mondays and Wednesdays, I dress business casual to get a few looks.

Good luck to the OP. (Sometimes, you just have to act like the typical three-point shooter; don't think--just go for it.)

 

<br>
R.I.P. Aziz Sergevich Shavershian

Son of Zeus, brother of Hercules, father of aesthetics.
<br>

In all seriousness, when did the misc leak over to the hangout

 

The OP is being obtusely vague, maybe he thinks there's a one-size-fits-all answer.

My guess is that he doesn't work since he's at school and probably doesn't have the coin to dress nicer. Dressing nice makes a big difference. I wish it weren't true, but that's life. If that's a limitation, hitting the gym or exercising at home would address some things.

When you get around 20+, you'll have a fair idea where you are on the looks ladder. If you're not hideous, then welcome to the 80% of the population. That just means you'll have to figure out how to differentiate yourself from the 10-50 other men that hit on the girl you like.

There's no formula, dude because it depends on what you value and what others value in you. For example:

If you're smart and analytical, keep a journal with your daily eating habits and your workout routing.

If you're dumb and boring as a rock, cold call the **** out of women since girls can equate that with confidence.

If you're pale, skinny, and stinky...work on that confidence with more sun, a good diet and regular bathing.

See? Advice so easy and useless, and it could still be true.

Take those girls in your class. If you have some personality or sense of humor, just start figuring out ways to talk to them as friends or colleagues. Take relationship out of the mind and even jump into the friendzone.

Why?

Because you think don't have the confidence to talk to them without something "interesting", which is fine, but if you stick like this you could got the whole year without other people in the class knowing your name.

Become friends.

Be yourself. If you're a filthy pervert, express it with funny jokes. If you're some stamp or butterfly collector, make it known. Who cares if that's not sexy. That doesn't make you unsexy. Having an interest beats being silent and invisible.

You're not in high school anymore. You get to choose where you want to be and do. Break free of your own chains of oppression. You do that while you're working on your body, and the confidence will show.

 

He always gets the "yes".