Private Swimming Lessons

http://www.wikihow.com/Swim

 

What's your ethnicity? We have to know to determine how long it will take and how high the risk of death is.

 

Oh, you know how to swim, trust me..you just might not know the proper technique and whatnot.

 

I am CWS1 qualified as a swimmer. Its pretty intense. That statement is about as untrue as it gets. Ive seen guys without any gear on get in the pool and straight drown. They let you go under and pass out before they pull you out so its not like you dont have incentive to float.

Id do it but I live in Humble. If you feel like making the drive up here on the rare occassion Id be more than happy to teach you. My neighborhood has a really nice water park I go to quite a bit.

 

I can.

I charge $25/half hour.

Basic qualifications: Swimmer all my life, varsity freshman year, 3rd at state, coached for 10 years including many collegiate swimmers and one olympian. I also coached children as young as 3 and adults as old as 68, as well as special needs children.

 

Good pitch.

 

Lol at the tag.

 

yo i teach u how to swim but u gotta be completely nude and willing to buy me frozen yogurt for that day..

 

Just Youtube how to swim. That's how I learned to ride a bike when I was 5 years old.

 

I'd be happy to teach you for free, but I have a couple requirements -

1. You must be fully covered in baby oil, and this should be applied in front of me so I know you didn't cheat

2. Waxing of entire body is mandatory. I am willing to do this for $10

2b. Swimming gear consists of a speedo and nothing else. Long shorts, anything baggy, body hair all create friction in the water and slow down optimal efficiency levels.

3. There will be lots of physical contact to ensure your body movements are correct. I will be in baby oil as well so I will keep a firm grip of you, otherwise it will turn into a slip and slide - very dangerous.

4. Lube up your anal cavity to ensure everything goes smoothly.

5. Remember to smile - I can't have fun if you aren't!

 

I didn't know you were a switch hitter. Explains some things.

 

Which state? No college swimming?

 

I still can't understand how people don't know how to swim. I seen some pretty bad swimmers, but never seen someone who just can't swim and sinks.

 

Out of around 95 recruits in bootcamp, probably 15 failed the swim qual.

In my last unit of 180, probably 10 would fail every time. Water just freaks some people out.

 

You're not fooling anyone you Indian! Just give it up man, it's not in our blood.

 

I can do a few swimming strokes with flawless form but my main problem is treading water and staying above water level at a constant rate.

 

Some people have naturally denser bodies. When they asked me to do the starfish float in swim class as a kid, my face was a foot under the water. If I let the air out of my lungs, I just sink right to the bottom.