You may not like my response but here it is anyways. DO NOT under any circumstances take her out for a romantic dinner and all that b.s. and grovel around about how sorry you are. Worst mistake you could make. However, since it's been one day, you should take the bull by the horns and take care of your business. Find a moment when you are alone, and make a simple straight-forward apology. Tell her you won't let it happen again. And be done with it. Then inform her that when she argues with you, it hurts your relationship and makes you not want to be around her. Tell her it's a universal thing with men (because it is). Tell her no man wants to be with a woman that argues and tries to stir up a fight. Ask her kindly not to do that again and be done with it. Then wait to see how she responds. If she responds positively, then you can continue to make it up to her by being nice, etc. But if she acts like a little spoiled brat you know what then she's testing you. Go about your business of ignoring her and start paying extra special attention to other women you are around that are nice and polite. Let her know through your non-violent actions that you aren't going to take any crap off her. If she wants to draw you back to it, laugh at her and say, I already took care of that, grow up and be a real woman. And go back to ignoring her until she comes around. If she doesn't come around and cranks up the intensity by threatening to leave, etc., don't budge. Believe me, she's not worth having if she's gonna play those games. You gotta get her to come straight with the games. Two adults should be able to move past mistakes, learn from them, and bury them. If she can't do that, then she ain't good enough for you. Be a man dude.
Looks like a lot of people are skipping the BOOBs part. :grin: Religion or you saying I'm a "god fearing man" has nothing to do with you needing to talk to a professional. *when have I ever said I feared god?* Again, go talk to someone about that, sir. You're thinking marriage is something that only your parents do and that might be the reason why you need to get it out of your head. But then again, you can't explain it to me, you need someone else for that. Good luck.
Tottaly agree with this and the rest of your response. If you're in a relationship, games should never be played.
You don't even need to be this analytical! Just admit your wrongs, tell her you love her and move on. The good thing is that you were considerate enough to realize your mistake.
You say it is not worth it if she is going to play games........ then promptly instruct him to play games... you tell him to be a man, but I am not sure you know what being a man means.
My parents aren't the only people i know that are married and those others also turns me off to the whole idea. At least it's good for whoever may fall in love with me in the future. Even if i "love" them, i can tell them i don't see marriage as an option and if she's out the door, then good. At least we didn't waste each others time any longer. I wonder how many "love of my life" and "the one" majority have in their lifetime. Especially girls. It's silly to me. Why is that such a problem? Ohhh i need help. You go get help. You're a grown ass man and you still believe in fairy tales and god and i'm sure even santa clause.
So... now you can explain it to me? I wonder what changed since yesterday. Did you read a book since yesterday or take an explanation class, or something? Fairy tales? Santa "Clause"? Sure. I believe. So what? So... now it's about ME, huh? Good... change the subject. I'm not the one posting here posting personal stuff about my parents... YOU ARE, mister confession. Seek help, sir.
Exactly. This isn't 90210, and I'm pretty sure after 10 years hotballa and his wife are beyond getting rattled from these games that guy is recommending
Typical woman's response. I'm telling him to end the games and don't play. Apologize sincerely and move on like a big boy. That's not a game. If she can't accept that like a big girl, then she's the one playing around. Typical woman's response.
Yes. She should apologize for: 1. forgetting what he asked of her. 2. then for lying about it. And it's perfectly fine for her to tell him she does not like being yelled at, that it affects her feelings for him. And he should not yell at her. It's a simple straight-forward negotiation between mature adults. She won't lie about forgetting something. And he won't yell about her lying or forgetting. See the core problem is she is lying to him. It's not that she forgot the item. It's that she's lying about it. That's why he got p..... off. Because lies destroy a relationship. He mishandled it to begin with by yelling. He should have simpy pointed out to her that she was lying to cover up her forgetfulness and that the lie was much more damaging than the forgetting. Then he should have went on about his business and let her think it over and hopefully come to her senses. But unfortunately he busted loose with the yelling. Hopefully he learned his lesson. And hopefully next time, he can address her as a man should. By the way, I've made the same mistake. It takes a while to learn. Doesn't come naturally. It's much easier to yell and scream. But it's a mistake.
You are clueless.... #1 I am a man. #2 You are telling him to modify his behavior, and play games by not partaking in taking her out, etc... #3 Enjoy being alone or cheated on. You must be very young or inexperienced, as Bobrek will attest, life is too short for reindeer games....
How do you know she is lying? I have told my wife things and she has told me things that each of us have forgotten and, at times, eventually remembered. It is not unusual for someone to forget things. Nowhere in any of hotballa's posts does he say anything about her lying about forgetting what he told her. Over the course of 30+ years of marriage, I have never found it necessary or easy to yell and scream.
You may be a man but you have been influenced by "female sensitivity" bologna that prevades our society today. That's all about making men suffer and subservient to women and their "needs", which is really their "wants". And it leads to unhappy men and failed marriages. I am telling him to modify his behavior and think. Yelling accomplishes nothing. He must modify that behavior...permanently. That's not a game. I don't know if I'm telling him to modify his behavior by not taking her out or not. I don't know if he does that now. What I am stating is he should not make a huge deal out of it and let her use this to play him. A man should not do anything out of the ordinary when he apologizes like buy big diamonds (Kobe) or do something extra special for her to buy her forgiveness. That doesn't work. You do things special for a woman because you love them and you want to, not as payment for some sin you committed. Otherwise, you are just creating a spoiled brat little child when you are supposed to have a companion and lover. He should apologize for his behavior and purpose not to do it anymore. But he should also crystalize clearly for her what she did wrong and the damage that she did to the relationship by lying. His response of yelling to her does not justify or make right her lie. She needs to fix that. And if she can't deal with that according to the example he just set for her by apologizing to her, then she's really not on his level, is she? I am neither young nor old but I have loads of experience. Not an expert but I do know a few things. And life is way too short for a man to suffer with the childishness of his spouse not forgiving him for something as simple as this while she hides behind her unforgiveness to mask her mistake and avoid dealing with her own childishness.
I don't know that she is lying. Nor do I really care. He's the one that knows she is lying. And that is what is bugging him. After all, this is the first time he has yelled at her in 10 years. So, he's not normally a yeller. And it's serious enough that he brought it up here. And he obviously feels bad about it. But in the heat of the moment, it got to him......after 10 years. Do you really think she hasn't forgotten anything before? And do you really think he would have yelled at her after not having ever yelled at her before if she would have just fessed up that she forgot it and told him she's sorry? It was her denial that ate at him and caused him to blow. Why? Because he perceived she was bold-faced lying to him and in his subconscious he knows that is an indicator that the relationship is deteriorating. Hence, he yelled to get her attention. Not justified by any means. He didn't think it through. He didn't realize what was at the core of it. Hopefully he does now. Good for you. You must have a pretty easy going temperment to never find it necessary or easy to yell and scream. In that regard, you've got a leg up on most men. But don't condemn everybody else that isn't that way. I'm sure if we examined your life we could find something that is difficult for you that is easy for us too. Remember, you're a faulty human being too. You may have different faults but they are there just the same. So, support your fellow man in making changes just like you have to make changes.
Over the course of 4+ years of marriage, I have frequently felt the need to yell. Got to let that emotion out.
