I know what you're trying to say here, and my reply doesn't apply at all to OP's situation now... but statistics show that those that go through pre-marital counseling have a drastically lower rate of divorce than others. But I think most of those that choose to do this aren't necessarily having trouble, just want to make sure they have thought everything through before marriage.
Almost everyone I've ever known that has gone into medical school has had their relationships fail. Medical school and the subsequent internships and residencies leave very little room for personal lives. I wish you luck, but it will be tough. Questions of love are always tough, but my cynical view is this: If you require counseling or at least thinking about it as 22/23 years old without actually being married: probably not going to work. But that is me being cynical.
It's cool that you're considering counseling to try and work things out. However, I think it is too late...i.e. your relationship is doomed. It appears that you two are living together, so you may want to start thinking about an exit strategy.
I agree. counseling prior to marriage can be beneficial when you're not trying to fix the relationship, but enhance it.
Never underestimate the ability of a woman to use any convenient misstep or argument to jettison a relationship that she feels is doomed. You should have seen the number and veracity of breakups and divorces that happened to my classmates during my first year of law school. Absolutely unbelievable. If this relationship is going to end, now is the time to do it. It will be much worse for both of you if this drags on after she enters med school.
You think this is limited to women? Why should someone stay in a relationship at all costs at 23 years old anyway?
Yes, I am just making one last push. I know it will be tough if it doesn't work out, but I will know that I tried my all. She was willing, as of right now she doesn't want to hear or see me. I will find out what she thinks when I tell her that it is either try one last time or end it.
when you have to try to keep a relationship together, it usually means it's over. Or, it's never going to be the same again. and the one who is least interested is the one with all the power. you're fighting an uphill battle dude. good luck.
Thanks for the feedback, I find my self scraping for common ground between our personalities sometimes. She is a kind girl and sacrifices so much for me and I feel I have done the same. As for medical school, depending on where she gets accepted and my job status at the time. I was thinking of following her or trying long distance relationship with frequent visits. We survived LDR during college (different state). There argument is mostly about my personality (ie. she'll receive a text and I'll joke with her and ask "who it is", I don't know why maybe because I want to show her that I get jealous or a machismo attitude SHE HATES THIS) and not spending enough time with her family, she frequently visits mine. Like someone mentioned before, at this point when I am talking to her about something small, she hold it in and builds up steam and unleashes on me. Yesterday was the first time I ever really got upset. Because she didn't want to be near me she asked me to choose a spot to spend the night, the bed or the couch. I didn't respond because I was still trying to get a good grasp of things. Eventually she told me she would sleep on the couch, I responded by telling her that I would sleep there and I was in the wrong so it wouldn't make sense for me to sleep on the bed. She then told me that I was trying to act as if I was the victim in all of this, and I got PO'd and said enough was enough, I was only trying to take the short end of the stick because I made her upset (Men are always wrong). After trying to mediate the situation I told her "fine I will go over there and not deal with you because everything I say is used against me (Miranda rights reference)" and we went on and on arguing. I will admit it felt good to finally raise my voice and shut her up. Which is why I don't know if it is time for me to move on or get counseling.
I hate to say this, but I agree with you. I would kindly give this advice to any one of my friends. However, when it is me that is in the situation and considering the struggles and the moments of happiness we have had together I can't help but to try and salvage the memories we have. One friend told me that I should try to salvage our friendship, he may be right about that. I don't know right now, only she does. So anyone have a good counseling place they can recommend?
Try a couple's support group. Found it very useful as preventive medicine and after the fact. It was interesting and helpful to hear from peers going through the same issues and how they were dealing with them.
i suggest you read the chapter, The Previous-Investment Trap, in this pdf http://www.bazkhani.com/wp-content/uploads/freedom_in_an_unfree_world.pdf it illustrates why salvaging memories is a waste of time. it's a sunk cost. what's important is what happens from now on.
Sounds like she already made that decision for you. Whatever you both decide to do, be honest about it. If she is the one that you truly love, don't keep secrets from her. Put her needs before your own. Search for the St. Francis Prayer and think about her when you recite it to your God. Anything that we get in this world is a direct result to what we give. Good luck!
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Honestly, the first red flag for me was your ages...while there are relationships that have started at that age or younger, and lasted a lifetime, chances are that it's early for the two of you to be considering marriage. The reason being that neither of you have experienced enough to know exactly what you want...and the both of you will change plenty over the next 5-7 years (you, with your career and her, with med school and residency). The person both of you are today is far from who you will be in 5 years. If a relationship is that hard to maintain, then it's most likely just a waste of time for the both of you...and with a new career and her starting medical school, the difficulty of keeping the relationship intact is going to increase ten fold. It wont be until you are 28-30 before you really start figuring out who you are and what you want in your life. My recommendation would be to put marriage out of sight for now...just deal with being in a relationship, figure out your issues with her, then go from there. Good luck.
