I imagine the more I held myself back as a youth, the harder my mid-life crisis would hit. That's when the dam broke and I decided to live as I please (not as others expect or want me to), and let the consequences run their course unabated. I will deal with them now instead of being afraid of them and regretting it later.
What I'm experiencing has nothing to do with God or religion....or being 'special'...and I don't believe it has anything to do with being "weak minded".
FYI, “mid-life crisis” and depression are 2 separate things. You can’t get a mid-life crisis in your 20’s unless you plan on dying in your 40’s. I’m 42 years old (and I can KICK!!!!) and I can honestly say I’ve never been more happy or content with my life. Got a hot wife, awesome twin boys (11 months), finally have a career path after years of trying to find one, and I play in a kick-ass band on the weekends – complete with a drum-tech who sets up and tears down my gear for me (always a dream of mine….). I don’t think I’ll ever experience a “mid-life crisis” because my life didn’t start getting good until about 10 years ago. I was a mess in my 20’s and early 30’s. I have too much to look forward to now to have a mid-life crisis. Watching my boys grow up, growing old with my wife and someday retiring and enjoying the good life. The next 20 years are going to be awesome. I guess when you’ve had some really bad stuff happen to you like we did a few years ago (stillborn in 2009), you learn to not take a single SECOND of the good times for granted. Soak them up like a sponge. Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s meaningless in the big picture. I guess if I had to change one thing about my life, it would be to have a more exciting job. I make a comfortable living but my job itself is incredibly boring (in case you couldn’t tell by my post count). But even that doesn’t bother me too much because my home life is so awesome and I’ve never been one to let my job totally define who I am, like some of the poor saps I work with.... Work to live, don’t live to work. Unless you’re the lotion-boy for the Swedish bikini team. Or the drummer for Rush.
Regrets and grudges are two things not worth holding onto in life. They are weights that slow you down. When the consequences come, take them as inevitable and not personally. Glad to see someone else breaking through that wall same as I did and am trying to do, especially at a young age.
Like this post. I wasn't the most responsible (to society) in my 20s and 30s, but I did favor what I wanted to do versus what society expected. And much like you, when I finally grounded myself the world became my oyster. All the toys I have now are toys that I had before the suspicious mid-life crisis...they just cost a bit more .
lol @ tough-love life coaches. You have no idea. When I was a kid I was told that I would never amount to much. People predicted a lifetime of chaos and failure because of where I grew up, my hyperactive behavior...and my excessive use of commas. I was able to channel my hyperactivity into a better than mediocre career that has exposed me to long therapeutic drives, a bit of celebrity and an outlet for my creativity in front of small audiences all over America. In my late 30's my ambition settled into the realization that I'd never be a household name which depressed me considerably, but then I took comfort in the fact that I was never afraid to put myself out there - win, lose or draw. I'm now 47 with 2 really productive kids and a wife who loves me. My career has lasted longer than those of Lawrence Taylor, Heath Ledger, New Edition and Yao, and I am still creatively optimistic about the end result of my work. I think I was able to plow through my mid-life crisis because I always feel like even when/if I'm too old to make a difference in my life, I'm never too old to make a difference in someone else's. That's worth something. , ,
That's a great post, AB. And the punchline has a lot to do with the sentiments posted by MadMax on the previous page. For anyone facing some disappointment/frustration/weirdness in their 1940's, may I humbly suggest an old book called Seasons of a Man's Life. It's basic developmental psychology, and it's a pretty normal thing for a 40-something male human to experience one of two things: (A) Wow, I didn't quite accomplish what I thought I would/could by now, or (B) Okay, I did it!... Um, now what? Both can be pretty significant, and it's nothing about "weakness" to go through it or admit it. For me, that book was amazing because it hit, like a checklist, a lot of what I've felt, so it made me feel a ton better just b/c it's so damned normal, and it's not a problem.
I may just read this as a precaution. I've got a while until my 40s, but I want to be ready when I get there. And AB, people finding success later in life isn't unheard of in showbiz. You can catch lightning in a bottle at any moment. It's the exception to the rule, for sure, but hey, being at peace with either outcome is what's really important. Failure/shortcomings seem to be a lot of what the mid-life crisis is about for some people; so that end, I've adopted a "go down swinging" mentality. If I fail, I want to fail on my own terms. Does that make sense? I'm not sure it's the best approach, but I guess I'll find out in 10-15 years.
Great post. With the exception of your age (I'm 37), the ages of your kids (mine are 18 months and another to be born in Oct), and the part about being in a band...it sounds like you described my life, almost to a T. Cheers!
I'm the perfect age for one. What are the requirements? I've spent my life without goals so I don't deal in regrets. Living life one day at a time has caused some troubles along the way but provides the excitement of tackling life's next challenge on the fly.
What I'm saying is don't judge other people. I get your examples but things can't always be resolved so easily. I'm glad staying active made it easy for you but I've seen bored, middling and active people have trouble. For most of them, it wasn't "an excuse" to do anything because they rarely acted out. I didn't have a "crisis" but I see no reason to be harsh on those that do. To younger members, don't read too much into this thread. For the vast majority of people this isn't a big deal at all.
I'll be 37 in just over a month from now. I'm already dealing with early onset arthritis in my left knee and right hip (all due to 33 years of soccer) and am in pain daily due to a problem with the IT band in that hip. I'm overweight (but working on that). I have a career path that is crumbling before my eyes. I still haven't achieved things that I would have liked to by now. I find that where I live probably isn't where we want to be any more. That said, I have a wonderful, beautiful, supportive wife. I have 2 great kids (3 & nearly 7). Debts are finally getting smaller after years of struggling. We've traveled some and are looking to do more. I can understand fully why a mid-life crisis can hit and hit hard. I'm doing what I can to avoid it. I need some changes, though...probably starting with a new career. I've got good and bad going on right now. I'd like less bad.
If my opinion leads to me being called judgemental well, who is EVER going to win that game? Btw, I have never ever met a person who was active, enjoying his life and not seeing his life as an unwanted rut/routine experience a mid-life crisis. Ever. And I'm tired of the fact that every time we have a issue, we have to find a technical name for it as if it's some kind of excuse for the behavior. BS. But all this is just my opinion. So crucify me. And, if you want a mid-life crisis, have at it. I prefer my life to be enjoyable.
Tend to,weigh opportunity costs such as yours stated, usually most ignore these things. Has not much to do with other than was wondering how you decided. Interesting n cool, because life's just a ride man it's got ups n downs, but it's just a ride! Cheers mate
