thread is depressing the crap out of me. should we start a cf.net support group meetup? i'll bring the scotch.
Pretty good post, dmc. We have a fundamental disagreement. I don't believe mid-life crises arise from a failure of the mind but from its intelligence as a function of its maturity. We all know life ends, but when you get to the halfway mark you start to think about it a little more seriously. We live in bodies whose prime directive is survival. And yet we know we will not survive. We live our lives and build our edifices, whether of bricks and mortar or of spirituality, to help us avoid the fact that our lives will end, because there is a primitive survival mechanism, that lives in our snake brains, and it says survive. Mid-life is a common time to realize for real that that prime directive will eventually break down. We will not survive. Unfortunately, for me, the meaning of "mid-life" keeps changing and catching me unawares. When I was a teenager I never thought I'd make it past 21. Then it was 25, then 30, and on and on. Now I am 43 and I never planned for that. I've had those particular existential crises most of my life and I've grown bored of them, accepted them I guess. So I am beyond aspiration though I continue to work and create. I have accepted what I guess is the first principle of Buddhism which I believe is that "life is suffering." I'm without material want. If I had a million dollars to spend on myself I'd just leave it in the bank or give most of it away. The way I see it, the crisis of life (whenever it occurs and it makes sense that mid-life would be a common time), has passed for me. I will continue to live until I die and I will do my best to enjoy myself while I am here and to try to lend a hand to anyone that needs one for the duration as well. But I'm under no illusion that any of this matters, or that any of it will continue to exist (as far as I'm concerned) when I no longer do. It's just a ride, as Bill Hicks put it. So okay. Now I'm on the ride. Might as well try to enjoy it.
Mid-Life crisis plus losing family and kids hit this guy hard. He shot his two children, one died and the other is in critical condition, then shot and killed himself. Don't understand how people could do that to their kids. http://news.yahoo.com/mass-dad-shoots-2-kids-1-fatally-kills-152205402.html
Early on in our childhoods, many in the west were told that they were "meant to" do something. Those with regrets that arose out of those beliefs could manifest later on when thoughts of mortality suddenly hits them. I'll likely have my own bucket list. It'll definitely be meaningless and trivial to others, but I like to think it'll have some encouraging goals to look ahead, like seeing a school built in some far off nation or making an impact here, elsewhere, or everywhere.
For me, the mid-life crisis doesn't have anything to do with being flashy or cultural image. My mid-life crisis started sneaking up on me, beginning from when I was a child. I grew up thinking things like, "I'm gonna dunk a basketball someday" and "I'm gonna learn Japanese and go to Tokyo someday" ...even something as simple as "I'm gonna get in really great shape someday".... It starts young. And you build up many of those things. ...and then, when you hit 40, you just barely start feeling your body giving out on you. And one day you realize: I have a wife and children now. A house and a responsibility to the well-being, development and future of my family. I have to give 33% of my life to sleep and 40% of my life to a full-time job. The rest, I must give to my family.... ...so when am I going to accomplish all those things? No, it's not impossible for me to do those things in my 40's and 50's... but it's very improbable. And if I do, I'll only get one or two of them done, and the rest of them, I'll just have to give up on. ...and that's where things get sad. Feeling like you have to give up on the dreams you've held onto (even simple ones) for so many years because you must now be a responsible worker, husband, and father. It feels like you have to give up on your life. It feels like a part of you is dying. Now maybe, in the case of the fisherman, he never had dreams of what to do in his life. Maybe he's has always been and will always be happy being a fisherman and having that life. But I've had dreams and goals all my life. I've always had aspirations. And while I've accomplished great things, I always want to do more. Be more. Make the most of the time I have.
You can still learn Japanese. One of my half-assed thoughts of the month was to learn 5 Chinese words a day. Won't mean much if I don't use it, but if you retain 20% of it, that's 365 words in your vocabulary. Enough to know if Japanese people are talking **** about you. :grin:
Yeah, I'm not saying I can't. It's just that there's all these things that I've said "I'm gonna do someday"... and you realize that 'someday' isn't going to come 9for most of 'em). That was my point.
I feel ya. I hit 30 and I'm still wondering if I'll accomplish the goals I set out when I graduated. But there's no such thing as an old dog can't learn new tricks. It's just that tricks take time to learn, and sometimes you wonder where the time goes.
I guess I had a series of crises when I was in my twenties. I was bitter and blamed many of my problems on other people. To quote Uncle Bobby, I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now. Something clicked and I stopped being so self-involved and self-absorbed. I never believed there was some answer, or truth to life that was universal. People have to define their own meaning to their lives and go for it. For me, my fulfillment comes from my family, learning and teaching. I'm glad I have the responsibilities of being a husband and father. I'm glad I am needed to keep our home together. I like the responsibilities of my job. I don't believe in God, or country, or materialism, but I do believe in looking after people, particularly my people.
As I mentioned earlier in this thread, I have not experienced any sort of mid-life crisis, nor do I expect to. I am happy with my life and had I not followed the path I took, who knows where I would be today, thus I have no regrets. Death is inevitable so there is no reason for me to dread its eventuality. As I continue to grow older, I look forward to watching the grand kids grow up and seeing what they can accomplish as well as seeing what my children continue to do with their lives. The only thing I do not look forward to experiencing are the health issues and death of my friends and family. While I have had some failures in my life, I'd rather dwell on the successes.
I guess my 57 years don't buy crap these days. Just how old do you have to be to recognise a mid-life crisis? I saw it in my customers when I was in my twenties as their bartender. I saw my Dad divorce my Mom for a girl 2 years my junior in my thirties. What more experience do I need to understand that a person who stays active in body mind and spirit can easily by pass the "mid-life crisis". Actually, the more I think about it the more I believe that, like most things, is just an excuse to act foolish. And BAT, you really don't know me much. So you and your dog can both take a hike.
I just turned 35 but I can relate to this. I don't see me ever having a mid-life crisis and think that the people who do are weak minded and pathetic. The best thing that anyone can do is come to grips with the fact that you are just another cog in the world. Most people do not have the balls to do things that are different or unique yet expect their life to be different or unique. Even if you do something unique/different you still have to know that when you are dead and gone, you are just a pile of dirt. Your parents did you a disservice by telling you that you are special. You are not special just because you were born. This is where Christianity/religion is such a load of bull****. "Jesus loves you and wants a personal relationship with you!" "God knew about every hair on your head before you were even born!" Bull****. You are one of many billion of people that exist right now yet most people feel that they should be special. When they don't meet this ridiculous (and very unlikely) expectation, they get all butt hurt. As Logan Ninefingers says, "You have to be realistic about these things." It's about the ride. Do your best. Love your wife and kids. Try to experience as much as you can.
LOL @ people just growing up and realizing stuff calling it "mid-life crisis"... :grin: supdudes, right on, brother. Good stuff.
I don't think I'll ever hit mines. I really don't care that I'm getting older. My life gets better the older I get. If it starts to get worse? Oh well. I've experienced a lot in my life and I can't say I haven't lived. There are lots of people worse off than me so if I go, I'll be perfectly content.
Wow, this really got me thinking. I just turned 21 but I'm starting to think about my goals in life and I realized that I should really start planning things out. Getting an education and a degree has been so structured that I haven't really needed to plan anything. But this thread made me realize that I eventually too will age and while my mind will be stronger, my body will not. With that said, time to train and complete my first dunk!
