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How long do most wait after a breakup before having sex with someone new?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by sugrlndkid, Jul 24, 2012.

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sugrlndkid Member

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TISNF said: ↑

Well, some partners are more aware of others' feelings. She probably just thinks that if you're both "free" then it's just as easy for you to meet someone as it is for her. That's obviously not always the case and can feel like a real punch in the gut -- a sense of worthlessness -- if the other party gets the opportunity and you don't.

Jealousy may play a factor, but that really isn't the full feeling.

I'm in sort of a similar situation with a chick who I presumed, at first, was just a hookup, but she's now madly in love with me. Realistically, though, I don't see it lasting (I'm always a long term thinker, even if it means I may be shooting myself in the foot), mainly for geographic and religious reasons.

Geography can be overcome. Religion...not so much, unless you're willing to deal with constant judgment and frustration from other family members (especially those who are more devout in their beliefs).

Of course religion only really factors when it comes to children, which I'm sure you're aware of.

My question would be: how about no religion? Has that been discussed?

What I can suggest is that from my experience, there is certain things which would be up for compromise, but I would be pretty uncomfortable for a child of mine to be more exposed to/identified with one set of beliefs that I think are silly.

The compromise is: I'm perfectly fine giving my religious beliefs up if the other party is. Otherwise, no go.
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The religion issue is not a big deal for either of us...we would raise our kids with exposure to both...and they would have to choose over time age...
I would be more about teaching my kids good values...and morals over anything..

#21 sugrlndkid, Jul 24, 2012

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TISNF said: ↑

Oh and to answer your initial question...yeah, why wait? If she is going out and mingling, then you should too. It's unhealthy to sit and ruminate.

Furthermore, perhaps a reason why you are hesitant is that you are holding out hope that both of you will either stay together, or at least refrain from hooking up with other people...together.

This is beyond your control.

I would definitely think your mindset would be better if you KNEW the next hookup/opportunity. It's the uncertainty and the unknown of who and when that can be really depressing.
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true...jealousy is a huge part...and sure...absolutely...I really do love her...

second part is that im kinda trapped studying for a major board exam...and well she doesn't have those kinda limits...its hard for me to study, get back out in the scene...I wanna get over it ...but this is terrible.. its really f'd my focus... but thanks for your take...

#22 sugrlndkid, Jul 24, 2012
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ChievousFTFace said: ↑

Don't let her have her cake and eat it too. You have to stop talking to her. Don't hang out with her, don't log into her FB or anything. You must have a clean break. This is the best way to get over her as time will heal. Every time you talk to her, you're just playing with your own emotions.

As far as your original question. You will know when you're ready to start dating/hooking up again. Once you get over her and start thinking about yourself, the switch in your head will go off.

Work out, hang out with friends and family and just focus on you. Tell your mutual friends not to talk about her to you.
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I think thats why this hurts more...the non clean break...ive been thru break ups before...but yes...my good bud told me that is whats holding my mind back...

I got to get to get back to the gym...

#23 sugrlndkid, Jul 24, 2012
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rezdawg said: ↑

Make sure you tell her u love her before she spends the night with the guy.

Anything to keep her from sleeping with him bc then that'll be the point of no return.
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she should know that...
secondly she would rip me a new one for reading her msgs...lol...alcohol does that stuff..

#24 sugrlndkid, Jul 24, 2012
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TdashDUB said: ↑

I think it's all depends per person/situation/context..

I've been in a situation where sex turned out to be very therapeutic in getting over someone I lost. Maybe it was a mixture of emotions and sex was the only way to churn those emotions into something I could stomach...But, Perhaps this could be her last ditch option to turn to??

Your story sounds like a real tragedy in that, really the only things that kept you two from journeying further is something ultimately outside of yours and her power... It's very Romeo and Juliet-like.

At the same time, (in an extreme example) if someone who lost someone in the Aurora shooting brooded over it to themselves in a dark room for 30-40 days, chances are their sadness will only worsen and refuse to fade. But if they leave the house, get fresh air, keep them close to heart but not dwell for that same 30-40 day window - chances are they'll have more room to grow and be able to move on.

My point, I'd tell her that you two need to completely cut ties for a while and let these roll-over emotions subside. I mean 30-40 days of still exchanging sentimental thoughts with each other after a 5 year relay certainly won't help either of you fully continue going forward in separate paths.

I feel for you, man. I hope you both find happiness.
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Yep...general consensus...not as extreme as the poor people that lost their lives in Aurora...but im guessing what im feeling is similar to bereavement...at least i started deleting pics etc...

#25 sugrlndkid, Jul 24, 2012
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sugrlndkid said: ↑

I think thats why this hurts more...the non clean break...ive been thru break ups before...but yes...my good bud told me that is whats holding my mind back...

I got to get to get back to the gym...
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One of the toughest lessons I learned last year was you shouldn't try to be friends with your ex. She's the one with the religion deal breaker. She chose some ugly putz, is talking to you about it AND still says she loves you. Sorry to say, but she's mind F'ing you.

Your good friend is 100% right. Hit the gym, get your swagger, reap the benefits.

#26 ChievousFTFace, Jul 24, 2012
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30 sec...I mean 15 minutes.

#27 Invisible Fan, Jul 24, 2012

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you're too young for this topic kid...

#28 PinoyRocket, Jul 24, 2012
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PinoyRocket said: ↑

you're too young for this topic kid...
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#29 ChievousFTFace, Jul 24, 2012
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Why wait until you breakup?

#30 SWTsig, Jul 24, 2012
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How long do you wait . . . to have sex with the person you just broke up with?

Rocket River

#31 Rocket River, Jul 24, 2012
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Simple.

If you're heartbroken or whatever, just wait that out.

If you're ok after the breakup, it depends on how far the nearest female is.

#32 Brandyon, Jul 24, 2012
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Premarital sex is a sin.

I suggest you stay celibate until marriage. And once you're married, wait at least 40 nights before commencing in any sexual activity with your (future) wife.

#33 Jontro, Jul 24, 2012

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If you're a guy it is a simple equation

(MoR"Months of Relationship" x 4 ) / 10

Take that number and sleep with a girl that many weeks before you break up with your girlfriend.

#34 CCorn, Jul 25, 2012
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As soon as the text message is delivered, take the gun out of the holster and fire away my friend.

#35 Burko, Jul 25, 2012
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I've found it's easier to forget a recent ex by getting with someone new. Honestly, the next day I start looking around and hitting up old fk buddies.

#36 Big MAK, Jul 25, 2012
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Doesn't matter how much chicks you bang unfortunately.. I got dumped last year, banged about 7-8 chicks since and still fall back for my ex each time I see her.

Cruel cruel world

#37 BasketballReasons, Jul 25, 2012
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#38 VanityHalfBlack, Jul 25, 2012

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Man up. The sooner you get some strange the sooner you will feel better.

#39 RocketMan Tex, Jul 25, 2012
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see if you can bag both of them at the same time.. then you'd be a king.

#40 magnetik, Jul 25, 2012

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