I'm thankful to have been able to get divorced; not that it's an ideal thing, but it gave me back my life after making a big mistake and being with someone I never should have been with. We did not have children, so all that is completely in our past now. I hope things continue to work out with my husband now since we are going to be somebody's parents. Which is a scary responsibility even in the best of circumstances. I expect things will work out with us, and I'm a lot more comfortable in this situation, but if - and of course hopefully this doesn't happen - he ever didn't hold up his end of the bargain, cheated and had affairs, etc. - I would not stay with him just to keep up appearances. I would be honest with myself and my child and he could have plenty of time with his father, but he would also need to know that his mother respected herself enough to get out. Just using it as an example; of course it's not ideal, but sometimes the alternative is worse. (living a lie, putting up with abuse/neglect, etc.)
That wouldn't surprise me...Sad state of affairs...I too agree people get married too young while they still don't know enough about themselves, let alone each other...People grow, we evolve and our likes and dislikes change...things we find attractive change, someone we liked when we're in our teens totally changes and is different when we're older... and who suffers, the kids...Divorce is an easy way to fck up a kid...my $0.02
Not trying to cast stones at anyone here but if you have kids, you have to be less selfish than looking out for your own happiness. And don't give me that crock about staying in an unhappy marriage is bad for kids. It's such a BS way of lying to yourself and projecting your own feelings on someone else so you can justify leaving the marriage. If you have kids, unless there's abuse or infidelity going on in the marriage, you should be forced to stay with your spouse until they turn 18 at least. As it is, I see the impact that divorce has on the kids who work for me because of selfish parents who rushed into things and didn't care enough about the negative consequences on their children.
I don't think you should put up with abuse. Cheating is personal and some people can deal with it and some can't, so I can't say you should always divorce over it. But I think scenarios of growing apart and falling out of love or fighting over money can and should be talked through. And I think most people can make it through issues like that but nowadays they'd rather not bother.
If this thread is any indication, the greatest human need is to publicly declare one's pity for other people.
The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. That definitely says something about our f'ed up culture. http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate
I forgot where I read it but statically the likelihood for divorce decreases if you marry at later age, both individuals are college educated and there are no children till after marriage.
If someone wants out, both abuse and infidelity can be arranged. BTW, you make marriage seem like a 18 year punishment for a youthful "indiscretion". If a couple is made to stay together, their children will equate marriage to siege warfare, which may be worse than divorce in the long run.
Older people are likely to make more money. College educated people are likely to make more money. Delaying the start of a family is also financially prudent.
shrug, actions have consequences. which is better for the kids, a bad marriage and unhappy parents or a bad divorce and unhappy parents? at least the former gives them some sort of structure. the last sentence is just stuff that parents tell themselves so they dont feel guilty about destroying their childrens stability (no matter what state its in) for the sake of their happiness
I admire you for this. personally, after being married and reading about marriage and the history of romantic love, and self-reflecting, I'm just not sold on it all. I think if we were less polyamorous by nature I'd be more sold on the idea of marriage, not to mention cultural impacts on self-identity that can completely transform a person over the years, decades. How can you be with someone and not expect them to change? That's why I can't get married. Because I am never, ever, ever, going to go through a divorce again. And forever...I don't trust. Some people might find that view sad but I don't see why it's so f'ing noble to get/stay married if you're not happy.
Then I am #winning. Some of these responses just make me smh. Lot of lonely, scared, die alone people on the internets.
Keep your head up kiddo. You'll make it out of there and into some form of happiness soon. The thing about cases such as "Isabel", is insecurity. Kids without a big picture mentality latch on to the first person to return their affection and pretty soon marriage becomes a "burden" and "pointless" and one giant b****fest where you're completely isolated from life because of your "responsibility". "I don't really love him, he's no Tom Cruise, but we ARE in a serious relationship technically etc." and loneliness scares me blah blah But just think of beautiful people such as me at times like this. Marriage is a wonderful thing if you're with the right person, or in my case, multiple female persons (a polyamorous relationship, 1 male, 3 females, very popular in the BC times). These girls know that 25% of my attention and love is more than 100% of most guys love and are confident enough in themselves to give into their desires. Whereas the Isabel type is just going to turn into a leathery nag because she is always repressing her natural desire to be with the big bad wolf so she can have a little cattle sheep all to her self. And her facebook friends will accept her as part of society. But for those seeking above and beyond, I suggest holding out as long as possible until you're yin, meets a yang that fully completes the circle. Indecision comes from lack of mental clarity, and when you make decisions without clarity, you're only putting yourself in shackles for the rest of your life. VIva la Ronny.
Most people who end up delivering for a restaurant probably didn't have much guidance from their father on how to be successful and make money in this world. I don't really see why you are so surprised. If you owned a hospital and said "every surgeon who works here has a deadbeat dad" then you'd have a strong point.
I've been married 2 years and haven't had 1 disagreement or argument with my wife yet. It seems easy so far.
Marrying an american woman is work. Marrying a woman who takes pride in being feminine and believes in traditional family values does not take work - it just works.
I don't know man. I've seen a few of my family members go through this and it definitely did not seem healthy for the kids for the parents to be together still. I mean, as a kid, how the hell does it feel when mom and dad do not even talk while being under the same roof. There wasn't even abuse or infidelity going, but these people just refused to talk and acknowledge each other while under the same roof. Just being there as an outsider felt pretty bad.
