Does anyone write poems or read poems for pleasure? Maybe you could post a piece. I am into writing poems and I hope I get one published one day. I am going to post a recent poem of mine that is dedicated to cancer patients and other patients of other terminal illnesses. Tell me what you think. I meant it to be inspirational to patients. My grandfather passed away from cancer, so this poem has a special meaning. Constructive criticism please. Little Susy Little Susy She was always a doozy Getting the lead role of every play A smile on her face throughout the day It seemed like she was never sad Always played with her mom and dad She had lots of friends Sparkle in her eyes through her glasses lens She was very nice and kind Nothing but good things on her mind She won the favor of her teachers She was always the one screaming from the bleachers “Go team go!” She would say Whenever her team got the double play She was such a mature girl for her age Her loving actions were impossible to gauge She was just joking with her teacher, her proctor When her mom got a call from her doctor “I have bad news,” Her doctor said, “There is something concerning in your daughter’s head” So her mother rushed to the hospital to see what it could be When she learned the news that destroys all glee It was no longer a rumor, Her doctors found the tumor. But little Susy did not despair Although she knew she would lose her hair One night Susy asked, “Mommy, am I going to die?” And her mother started to cry Susy said “Mommy don’t cry,” And this caused her mother’s hurt to leaven “Remember? I’m going to Heaven!” Little Susy lived the rest of her life to the best Knowing that she had been blessed Those cells continued to divide And Susy continued with school, Full of pride. It was near the end And Susy asked for a pen She wrote “I love you daddy” Her mom fell to her knees Because her husband was overseas And the time eventually arose And her family bought her a special rose She had a smile on her face to the end Yes indeed, She was always a doozy, This is the story of Little Susy
I don't think anyone here is boorish enough to criticize someone's personal poem about cancer, regardless of how they feel about it.
sad observations in a game of thrones no playoffs, owe taxes, worst things in the world 89 baggies tied to penis, cold shower therapy dick clark is dead what are you listening to?
I write poetry. This poem is good, if you like that sort of style. I am assuming this is geared toward children? I would recommend reading some late renaissance era poets, post Shakespeare. Andrew Marvell might be something you enjoy.
Poetry thread? There once was a man K Martin Just months ago he was a-startin' His shot went ice cold His talent's fools' gold This epic suckage is disheartnin'
Not a huge fan of modern poetry But I do enjoy the Romantic poets, such as Byron and Donne <iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XmnDokAGe1o" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> Seems these days fewer and fewer ppl stress on the poem actually having a great flow and rhythm. I get that personal meaning and interpretation of theme is quite important, but reading poetry is also supposed to be an enjoyment of speech, and the subtle pleasure of forming smooth flowing sounds with one's mouth. My two cents
I like Shel Silverstein. When I read his books to my children, I'm fairly certain that I enjoy them more than they do.
Okay, man. I know this is probably a very personal poem, but I do have a few things to say. There is no metric consistency in the poem. The reason I bring it up is because your poem is on the verge of formal meter, but a number of crucial mistakes throughout prevent it from being such. This couplet: So her mother rushed to the hospital to see what it could be When she learned the news that destroys all glee ^^While it does not even have a consistent syllable count (the first line is 16 syllables and Iambic, and it's only Iambic if I intentionally read it that way. The second line is 10 syllables and Iambic again) in of itself, is almost twice as lengthy metrically as the following couplet: It was no longer a rumor, Her doctors found the tumor. ^^I bolded the emphases above, because it's shorter than the other couplet and is more easily metric than it. As you see, the first line in this couplet is trochaic (DA-dum DA-dum) , but the following line is iambic (da-DUM da-DUM). That is what causes the awkward pause in the rhythm; you have to restart your breath when you get to the second line because there is no flow to it. To remedy this, I would suggest that you immerse yourself in more classical English poetry, and to stay away (for now) from the more modern/post-modern stuff. A lot of people in here suggested the metaphysics, but if you find those guys' rhythm schemes a bit convoluted, you can check out Shakespeare's sonnets, or anything a bit more obvious in the way of rhyme and meter. Study scansion, and constantly be counting syllables when you read poetry and speak aloud. Don't forget to keep note on when and where syllables are emphasized, so you can see if the meter is iambic, trochaic, anapestic, dactylic, etc. Here's a link that I just found on a Google search, I don't know if its useful but it's a start: http://server.riverdale.k12.or.us/~bblack/meter.html Secondly, you mix little ideas with big ideas, and instead of having an impacting effect, it comes across as a little bit weak: Those cells continued to divide And Susy continued with school, ^^Here, you bring up dividing cells, which is obviously big and troublesome, but then immediately follow it up with Susy going on her merry little way to school. I understand that you're trying to create a contrast in order to deliver the impact of the situation to the reader, but if you're going to do that you need to utilize more subtlety. Here, you commit the cardinal sin of doggerel: And the time eventually arose And her family bought her a special rose ^^Why bring up the rose? The rose is never mentioned before or after, so what does the rose have to do with anything? The reader will know very well why the rose has been brought into it--purely for the purpose of rhyme. When you rhyme without reason, you are committing a poetic error/no-no. You commit the same thing when you rhymed "proctor" with "doctor". You already mention a teacher, and I'm sure most schools nowadays don't have specially designated proctors, so why bring up the word "proctor", unless, of course, you needed something to rhyme with doctor. This is the unfortunate curse of rhymed poetry. Sometimes you need to bring up an idea, but that idea involves words that are difficult to work with. If you fiddle around with the syntax a little more, I'm sure you'll find a cure somewhere. I know this sounds like a lot of criticism (and I hope it wasn't too harsh), but there really are only a couple of errors, it's just that they happen throughout. Work more with meter and evening out your syllable counts more, and make sure that you aren't rhyming for the necessity of rhyme, but rather because the words are working well together. All in all, I would say that you have an unfinished poem. It's a solid framework with a solid idea if executed well, but you're just going to have to retool it with a fresh perspective on what poetry is and can be. Uneven syllable counts, awkward rhythm, and the sudden mixture of big ideas/little ideas will only weaken the impact of the poem. Good luck on your publishing goal, by the way. It's exactly what my goal is too! I hope to publish a book, actually. I know, long shot, but we all have dreams, right?
