To add to that it seemed like most of the time the only thing that held my parents together was me and my younger brother. They saw the bigger picture and put aside their selfish needs and stuck with their marriage. Didn't see that when I was a teenager but as a 25 year old I have mad respect for both of them. I just hope I can be the same. As a parent you have to have the mentality that you are the one made the decision to bring this child into the world it is your responsibility to give that child the most suitable upbringing possible. There are going to have to be a lot of sacrifices even your love life. The only time I see it a necessity to have a divorce is when the marriage actually hindering a child's progression. If the parent is a drunk you can not support the child its time for that parent to get help. If help is not working then its time to leave with the child.
Marriage is an antiquated administrative tool that has been replaced by blood tests, birth certificates and women's rights. Romantic love is a literary concept and no-fault, financial parity divorce is the best thing that happened to Western society.
This is true financial problems number one reason for arguments and divorces. However look at celebrity marriages where there are no financial issues what is the divorce rate 98%? The only reason the divorce rate among everyone else isn't 98% is because you have to deal with all the confrontation of packing and worrying about money since often one partner is the breadwinner it gives you a cooling off period. Marriage goes against basic animal instinct and human nature. Of the few animals that mate for life none live as long as humans or have as complex of lives.
I think part of the issue is that people don't take the time to define what will make them healthy and happy in a relationship before they jump into it. They got with whatever passions they have and figure they can divorce later. They don't take the time to work through issues. Why, when divorce is such an easy option? There have been plenty of times my wife and I have had screaming matches. The divorce word could have been thrown out and easily escalated the situation. But both of us have parents together 40+ years, it's not something that's really spoken. It's almost taboo. So we hold it in and work it out. Granted that might not be enough in the end and then you have to do what makes you happy. But if people gave it more consideration as they did in the past, I think people would find that they could work through a lot of issues they gave up too easily on.
Just hope it isnt some mock sympathy to look like the "compassionate" type about things. Women have SOME some culpability in it as well. Takes 2 to tango. Women now are higher RISK takers and still like the bad boys and deadbeats-to-be. Women have some of the same overconfidence in their abilities as men. You're not supposed to turn a "ho into a housewife", but some women still try to turn "thugs into husbands". Kim Kardashian wouldnt have a "career" if her "beautifully disastrous" ways wasnt relatable to the women of today. Or if people/women actually believed in character and integrity. She just made an absolute mockery out of the institute of marriage with her phoney baloney sham setup. Yet is considered someone that just needs to "figure things out" deserving of a bit of sympathy. She's 30 years old. Are deadbeats what "drive" her to do what she does?
From the time I was 10, I came home about three days a week to a mother who was stumbling around the house drunk or already gone to bed by 4PM. I loved my mother in a bittersweet way but I can't say I wouldn't have preferred to be living alone with my father somewhere.... the daily uncertainty was miserable.
People nowadays aren't willing to work at a marriage. It's a partnership that will not always be perfect and there will be hard times. But as long as you are willing to give and take then things can usually be worked out... (unless she is boning someone else, then you need to bin her)
my parents divorced too. it was in my teenage years. they dragged it on for years, from when I was 11 til when I was about 15. It was a bitter divorce, too, with court settlements and financial battles. Didn't realise the impact of it then, but as soon as I got to my early 20's I realise what a big damn mess it was and really felt the impact of it looking back and really thinking about what really happened. I thank my dad tremendously for sticking by me and caring for me during all this time. But broken families really take their toll on the kids.
Asian families don't do divorces? Really? I'm asian and my parents are divorced. Hate to rant on the internet but my mom was a total b*tch who was never interested in being a mother to me. Every time I talk about it with her she flat-out refuses any wrongdoing and outright blames other people for anything that I accuse her of. Divorces don't have racial stereotypes.
Whatever, my in-laws were married as teenagers and are celebrating their 50th anniversary next year. 3 kids and 7 grandkids later and they've never been happier. That said, my mom is on her 2nd marriage and my dad is on his 3rd... The institution of marriage is fine, it's the people who get married that are imperfect.
Having kids will rapidly reveal who you really are. This is often unfortunate, for the children involved.
i agree. i threw that statement out there because that is what everyone shouts when i tell them about my not wanting kids. kids are not a prerequisite to compassion, generosity, responsibility, unselfishness, or unconditional love. if you never had these traits in teh first place, their not going to grow inside you when you pop out a baby.
marriage is work man. it ain't easy ...and that rate is only going to increase with the instant gratification culture we are currently cultivating my parents never divorced, although they flirted with the idea around high school/college age for me. and I have no delusion that putting 3 kids through high school/college had a lot to do with their relationship going to crap. today their relationship is the best I can remember. they suffered through the hard part and came out better for it at the end of the day marriage isn't the sham, it's the romanticized parody of marriage that's a sham. like anything at life, if you want a succesful marriage you have to put in the work.
