Late to the thread, but first off a belated happy birthday to Batman as well. Not surprising that SwoLy is acting like his usual jackass self. That is just the way he rolls, I guess. And I don't blame Batman for saying "**** off and go die" to a certain poster because as hp pointed out, that's his MO - go into a thread and take a giant **** on it because he is also a major jackass. I've had my experiences with depression and still fight it from time to time. Was married for 5 plus years and my wife at the time insisted that I seek counseling and not take anti-depressants. Tried that route and it didn't really work for me. Right or wrong but I believe that I have a hard time keeping my serotonin levels to the place they should be. After I got fired in late January of 2011 and then 6 months later saw my marriage, essentially end, I had to try something else. Was placed on Lexapro and have been taking it ever since. I still have times that are hard, especially when I have to take my son back to my ex but for the most part, I have gotten through. I've been wanting to get off the Lexapro for awhile but I am afraid that I'll need to be on it for the rest of my life. op - as others have said, this is real stuff. Please make sure that your cousin gets the proper help that they need.
OP, if you take nothing else from this thread, go back to Lynus's post and start from there. You know which one. Good luck to your cousin, and everyone else dealing with this very real problem, either now, in the past, or in the future. For the two posters who have made my ignore list as a result of this thread, I sincerely hope someone you love never has to deal with this problem. You would not be much of a support and would probably crumble as your poorly constructed mental castle made of sand melts into the sea. If you ever have to deal with the malady personally; just keep reminding yourself, it doesn't exist.
I feel like **** a lot. I can't manage my stress, I let things escalate. I'm impulsive, and lazy and completely out of control. I smoke cigarettes and weed constantly, they give me release. I get extremely angry over things and respond with violent actions only to feel completely normal within a few minutes. I've already been through one marriage and I feel like I am well on the road to ruining my 2nd one with my bull****. I hate myself. All the time. I can't keep a job, I can't focus any of my creativity into anything that would generate cash. I cannot for the life of my focus on one thing for more than 24 hours it seems. I get a new idea for something in my head daily, and by the next day instead of seeking out that idea I move onto something else. A lot of times, I feel like death would just be easier than going on with all the bull**** life throws at me. I am generally perceived as an ******* who will say inappropriate things. I love my son, but when he hasn't slept more than 4 hours straight for 10 days now I start to lose patience with him, as well as my grip on sanity. I would love to be on some sort of medication for any of this, whether I'm depressed, ADHD, bipolar or whatever... but I don't know what to do and I need help. I need help fast.
Sounds rough, and definitely some things in there I can relate to. I think professional medical help is the only way to get the medication. From what I've seen even once it's prescribed it may be a period of time of changing medications and dosages until it finally starts to help. I've seen some big improvements in people with that. I can offer some advice, but that stuff and how to deal with it is super personal, and pretty much has to be tailored to the individual's needs, creative directions, and crap like that. As a writer, I definitely have problems with coming up with new ideas constantly and not finishing old creative ideas I've had. It's one reason that improv has been so good for me. It's creative all spur of the moment, and long form improv is basically collaborating to do a twenty minute play that is written, acted, and performed once and never again. But since doing that it's been a good outlet, and I've been more disciplined with the writing. It helped me writing out a schedule, and sticking to it. My phone has a voice recorder thing, that I put new ideas into all the time. They're always there if I want to go back and check into them. You're creative ideas may not be anything to do with writing, but I've found that the hardest work, and where the real craft is, doesn't come from the idea, but from the rewriting. I now look forward to that challenge, and try and just spew out my original idea into a draft as early as I can. Then I go back and work on crafting it. But even if your creativity is in a different direction other than writing, I think spitting the idea out, and then working and reworking how to make it the most effective could help. I know that with ADHD or ADD or whatever that can be next to impossible. If there's someone you can collaborate with, it may help. You have another person that you're responsible to for finishing a project. That's helped me ton as well. But more importantly than any of that, is that you need to value your creativity. The fact that you come up with those ideas makes you different than 90% of the population that will never come up with anything close to that. It's special, and you need to know that and take satisfaction in that. It won't pay the bills, and that adds a ton of stress, and knowing how really valuable and good your creative ideas are but not making a living from them or being able to get them out there makes it easy to feel like you're under performing and add to the depression. I know before you were working on quitting smoking weed, and maybe cigs as well. Talk with your medical professional about giving that another try. I don't know what else to say or if any of this crap will help you at all. If nothing else it might bore you enough to get a good sound sleep. Best of luck.
Ignore function is a great thing. I put swoly on it a few months ago. I rather enjoy choosing when I want to read his drivel or not. This thread is proof that I was right. OP, I hope your cousin wants the help and follows through with it. To me, that's the most important thing.
It might sound silly, but what really struck me about how depression can be a real thing was with Billy Joel. Mainly the 80s' Joel. You have a guy who was one of the best-selling artists in the world, married to Christie Brinkley, wealthy beyond belief, daughter, solid circle of friends from all accounts. And I read in an article where he suffered from bouts of depression throughout the 80s. I guess that made it a bit more real for me- you know, the proverbial "person who has it all" thing. Nothing positive that is external is going to help someone with depression. That's what we don't understand- it has to be an internal solution, in the form of ongoing therapy (in which the person specializes in examining things and getting the client to examine things on an intrapersonal level as opposed to interpersonal) or the intake of medicine. I firmly believe that depression is largely an internal function that might be heightened a bit by external forces, but that can affect a person even in the "best of times." It is an internal problem that requires an internal solution.
60 minutes had a segment a few weeks ago about how exercise is more effective in combating MILD depression than just somebody using anti-depressants, I think that does make sense if you wake up and like what you see in the mirror at least your day is off to a good start. Also not everybody can be rich or have a fun job no matter how much they try....But with the right attitude and effort everybody can look decent....
I'm not going to say it works for everyone but just the old adage---eat right, sleep right, work right...can make a ton of difference. Obviously depression runs deeper than that, but it's one way to break the cycle a bit.
Very sorry to hear that Moes. A couple of thoughts. You said you start losing patience with your kid and you feel like your marriage is on the rocks. I am not a parent or married myself so I can't speak to this directly but it seems like the stress of parenthood can often tear a marriage apart. Possibly family counseling might help to resolve some of your issues especially if you feel like you are taking on most of the burden of raising the kid. Working with your wife and even any other family that the two of you have in the area might help resolve some of your issues. As for the creativity part I frequently get frustrated about my creative endeavors and the lack of success I am getting. I often feel like I am not getting enough recognition, money, and gigs for what I am doing while occasionally feel like I am in a funk regarding creative output. As FB said creativity isn't just a matter of inspiration but a matter of craft. Inspiration comes and goes but the more you can polish your craft then the more you creative you will be since the technical side will come a lot easier. Also as FB said rewriting / reworking a piece will often open up an idea that you might not have thought of before. As for the rest getting recognition, money and etc. the cliche that "success is where preparation meets opportunity" is true. We really can't control how much other people will like us and / or pay us but we can make sure that if the opportunity comes we are ready. That again goes back to the polishing your craft.
I agree. I traded my hours spent playing Madden/NBA Live along time ago to actually play those sports in the real world hit the gym etc..I'm by no means a great athlete or close to being a model but exercise and sports are part of my routine and somethings i enjoy most in life. I've seen friends depressed and definitely have had my up and downs as well. The most common thing is we get glued to our couches and isolate ourselves. It's hard to get up and go sometimes but its easier when we eliminate the things that keep us on our butts (TV/Weed/Video Games etc)
I'm going to add something that is going to sound weird given that I am posting this online but if you find yourself spending a lot of time on social media (Clutchfans, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) unplug and walk away from it. I love reading and posting online but it can become a distraction a lot of time or even feel like a chore. Also I've noticed this on Facebook when everyone is posting happy news about their relationships, family, jobs and whatever can get depressing when you don't feel like things are going great for you. Just unplugging and walking away from online for a day or two can help ground you.
Second this. Exercise can help a lot. For me I often find the harder I work out sometimes the better I feel. A lot of my other problems disappear when I deal with the immediacy of exercise. Particularly sparring in martial arts. Sometimes I feel better even if I get my ass kicked in sparring.
As someone who has battled chronic depression, it is definitely real. I completely understand what many of you are writing about. To those, like Swoly, that think depression is as simple as an on-and-off switch, you're wrong. If it were that easy, I know that I would CHOOSE to be much happier. I've had depression relating to severe illness (Cancer/MS), deaths as well as horrible days in which I am depressed without reason. Believe me, waking up and feeling unhappy is awful. To be constructive to the thread, medication helps. Citalopram has helped me immensely. Ask your doctor. Also, I wake up extra early each morning to drink my coffee and do a light work out. I blare my music and I get my mind right for the day. And, believe it or not, those candles from certain stores that have certain scents for your mind help. My girl got them for me. I light one of those babies up, BBQ some chicken, turn on the Rockets, put the heating pad on my knee and relax. If you look forward to the very simple things throughout your day, it helps you get through the tough moments. It does get better, but it can take a long ass time.
I am sorry to hear so many posters here are dealing with depression. For some posters, I guess that explains some of the "moody" posts they sometimes seem to make. I don't have any concrete advice, but I wish you all the best and keep your chin up.
Get help fast. Call your doctor. Get help. Now. Stop bull****ting yourself so you can punish yourself later. You seem like a good dude; seek professional help for yourself and the sake of your family.
