[Bro Help] Rebounding your life after a serious relationship

I don't mean to hijack your thread. But I had a very similar experience recently but was hesitant whether I should post it on the bbs. Maybe you can offer some bro help?

I also dated a girl (for two years) long distance, we live in different countries actually but saw eachother relatively frequently (about once a month). We even spent a couple entire summers together. Like you, we also broke up 6 months ago. We are of the same age.. 28 now. And were also serious. I loved her to death and treated her how I felt a lady should be cared for and treated, while still being a man about it not putting the p on the pedestal and being a doormat.

Because of our age, and more specifically for her; as "30" is approaching she started feeling the pressure to get married. But we were not ready, because my work is here and her work is in her country.

When we broke up, lets just say she left me when she found another guy (a local guy) who probably charmed the heck out of her. We never had an actual closure. I just let it be, for pride or to salvage my dignity I never contacted her once I found out what had happened (and neither did she). It just kind of ended. She even went on to change her number probably her way of going "all in" with this new guy.

It was really really hard picking up the pieces because I really loved her. But the way she did me wrong really hurt me and it took a long time for me to finally feel normal again. We never talked and had a closure, but eventually I found closure within myself.

Fast forward six months to last week- I am doing well living my life, not thinking about her constantly like I used to. I get a call from a number I didn't recognize. I missed the call and no voice message so I called back the number. After it rang a few times my ex picked up. There was a few seconds of silence before she said 'Hello?', and as soon as I heard her voice I hung up. She never heard my voice. I was doing fine until she called but the past few days I can't help but wonder why she called me, can't help but be curious what she has to say? I am guessing they probably broke up and now she is feeling lonely or misses me. But I can't take her back after what she did to me. I am still curious what she has to say, and maybe that pride part of me wants to hear her story and her admitting her mistake. But at this point I think it would be weird for me to call her back several days later, like some pathetic chump. So I'm just letting it be for now, who knows maybe she will call again and maybe she won't since I hung up on her last time?

I guess all I can say is, keep your head up, and I feel your pain.

I totally understand you when you say you feel like you are restarting again. I really thought we might have a future together. I feel like I know exactly what you're going through right now.

-///Bro help

 

Win Mega Jackpot and watch her beg to come back.

 

go to a rockets game, get fukd up, meet some broads. it works, better than barhoppin it, **** and at least you'll find a chick into the rox as much as you.

 

nothin wrong with pof.com ... lots of friends i know use plenty of fish and date very regularly. nothin wrong with mixing in some more tail...

have fun with it. you'll find out more about yourself (what you like, what you dont like) as you date different women.

once you conquer a few wenches, you'll be back in no time.

good luck, i know exactly how youre feeling right now. hang in there... it will get better.

 

It takes time. THe sooner you try to rush into the things, the worse situations you will find yourself in. bars/clubs its bad news for you coming out of a relationship of 7 years.

Like someone said. find some hobbies. spent time on your own. you'll learn to be with yourself. you will find someone just let it happen.

 

Snoopy I am on the tail end of the exact same verbatim situation as you. The details are eerily similar, down to the letting it go and never getting closure. We were tight like bread and butter. Then one day, another guy, and poof I was done. The real difference is that on my return call I told her not to call me unless she wanted to reconnect, I didn't have the heart to play more games. She never called back. And she's still with the same guy. It has now been longer than we were together.

Didn't seem to help me much.

People say 'just forget about her'. That's not necessarily realistic. But I don't believe in "the one" type of talk, so I'm sure I'll find someone else eventually, it's just a matter of figuring out how to give myself enough chances.

 

What was her reason for calling? What compelled her to call you 'out of the blue'? Was she and the guy on a break?

I'm curious what my ex had to say. Probably nothing? Just feeling lonely so wanted to hear my voice/see how I'm doing; but short of saying anything really substantial like she made a mistake or wants me back.

 

Best advice, and I didn't read past this.

 

Wise mind. Trust me, especially if you are young (like younger than me, in your 20's, early 30's) there is another. I was fixated on my alleged "one" for years. met her for dinner last year after catching up on FB, had that high school connection but really nothing more. She did though, weird.

Anyways, one week later, I met, or was reintroduced to a girl I knew from 6th to 8th grade. We hit it off on the first date (January 2011), got married in October, and I can honestly say, now at 38 this is my "one". Best friend, hot as ****, plus she buys me beer. I am in man heaven.

 

Don't call her back if you care about her. Do call if you want to spite **** her then dump her.

You could disregard that simple advice and crawl back to her, but right now she's probably missing you and (at best) propping you up as the guy "who got away" or (at worse) plugging her hole with the person she left behind and disrespected but knows and accepts her baggage, aka, the doormat.

You say you moved on without closure, do you still want a sugar coated version from her by talking to her? Do you want something more out of her? Do you want her in your friend zone while she gets intel on how you've moved on with your life?

A recent study claims that people who keep ex'es fresh in their lives (Facebook friends) are less happy than those who clean up their profiles. Partly because you're not allowed to move on. Partly because it causes an unfair situation where you constantly have opportunities of comparison with an idealized past and an imperfect and ever evolving present.

I think you know the answer as you've said you don't want to get back with her. Even the second option in the first paragraph is wrought with pretty ****ty outcomes. She'd have to **** you over so bad to consider it (and by doing so sets more bad (yet totally satisfying) karma in the future). So just be the bigger and better person, and do each other a favor and forget about her in the most simple and effective way: by moving on and not giving her anymore time. Ignore her number just as she has chosen to ignore you long ago.

 

I asked why she called. I said something like 'no offense, but given how open-ended our relationship was, why are you calling me now, 6 months later?' Her response was 'I just thought we were still friends.' And she sort of laughed. ... what?

I'm still confused by that. I don't know if her and her guy were on a break, since they're still together now. My guess is that they were getting more serious and she wanted to compare me to him or something lame like that.

 

Damn. Some heavy stories here. With the exception of my current girlfriend, I've never been with the same girl for more than 2 years, and a few of those were never intended for the long-term anyway. I can only imagine how crushing it could be after 7+ years together.

All I can say is that I agree with some others that there is nothing wrong with online dating. I'm not the best at a bar scene. All the previous girlfriends I've had I've met at work, in a college class or student organization, or online. So, nothing wrong with meeting someone online. Hell, my uncle has found two wives from eHarmony!

 

^ agreed on the heavy stories, but 2 wives on eharmony? Wow! I've had the most success on eharmony, as everyone goes there knowing upfront its about finding the one...womens guards are down and it was pretty easy...much more so than POF or match...

b*tches be crazy...We've all been hurt one way or another and it does take time to heal...but having a routine and doing things to make you forget helps...banging chicks is an easty way to forget, but to have true closure, you have to forgive...

I was with this girl for almost a year and it ended badly...she kept texting and I ignored her which made her text/call more...after about a month, I just texted her back that I forgive her and that there was no need to contact me and haven't heard from her since...

 

After about 28, the men have all the power when dating. Its not high school/college anymore and women are looking for actual mates. Someone in the late 20s/early 30s with a good job, your own place, and a decent car can afford to be picky.

 

Unless if you live in the Bay Area where single men vastly outnumber single women!

 

If San Francisco's reputation holds true, you can take a large portion of gay men out of the dating pool as competition for the single women.

 

I don't know why everyone uses that excuse. It's not like there aren't lesbians to cancel out gay dudes. Plus, everywhere south of SF all the way to Man Jose is all straight dudes (Silicon Valley).

 

I'm sure my bbs opinion on page 4 won't mean too much, but I know there is this tendency to want to be in a relationship again.. because that is what you are used t,o and being alone can suck. You don't need another relationship right away and no need to jump to the next involved deal. take it easy and enjoy this new found freedom.

This is a renaissance for you, and chance to enjoy women while not being stuck in one relationship.

Eventually you and the new her will latch on to each other and before you know it be in a relationship. Try to avoid that as long as possible.

 

Repped for truth.