I'm not sure what the pros/cons are to marriage. I've been married over 3 years. It has been stressful and fun. I find caring for our children and money to be the leading causes of stress for us. Our marriage is more open than the typical marriage. We've had sex with more people post marriage than we had before. We don't focus on what society says we should be. We do what we want to. If it weren't for having children, our lives wouldn't be grounded at all. Marriage doesn't have to be what you think it is.
I know what you mean. If my wife is out of town, I sleep on the couch. I can't fall asleep in the bed without her.
Marriage as an institution, with all sorts of made-up, unnecessary, and ultimately subjective rules meant for social utility is useless. Marriage as a partnership between you and someone you love, as a symbolic expression of your sincerity... is beneficial I think. Doubly so if you have kids. Someone who likes the idea of the former without understanding the latter is doomed to be unhappy in a marriage. Someone who grasps the latter is probably willing to work with the expectations of the former inasmuch as he/she is better grounded to what actually matters.
speaking as someone who is going through a divorce I will probably take the stance that is somewhat unanticipated. I loved marriage. I felt it helped me mature. I love the aspect of two working in harmony as a team to acheive a shared goal. I love getting to know every aspect of your partner, both the good and the bad (we all have faults and accepting your partners is part of the beauty). I love being able to anticipate your partners needs. Surprise them with something touching. Being parents together and sharing the joy of children. Being there for each other when you are down. Being there for each other when you are up. Sharing triumphs, defeats. There is so much to a committed relationship that generally does not exist without the commitment of marriage. I clearly remember the difference between me and my soon to be ex from when we were living together (firmly commited) to when we were married. It pulls away the zip cord and binds you closer than before. I would not hesitate to get married again. I would hope that my experience will provide me with a level of maturity that enables me to better vet my partner, but if it hasn't been obvious from the other thread, it's not that I blame my last partner blindly. We are all human and each of us contributes to the health and longevity of our marriage. If anything, I take from this marriage a higher appreciation of the institution and am more committed to finding someone with similar values and the ability to communicate and not just avoid conflict. Conflict resolution is one of the key's to marriage.
Works for some, not for others. I know a lot of couples that became either bored, miserable or both after the 5-10 year mark, but stuck it out because of kids, shared history etc. That's commendable I suppose, I mean, my parents did just that. I'm glad they still have each other. Even though my mom initially stuck it out because she liked feeling taken care of. I know a few very healthy marriages, but those always seem to be amazingly well matched couples (like, they look like twins). I've always found that to be an odd phenomenon. Marriage is not for me, though. At least, not for 25 year old me. Who knows, I could turn into a raging ticking biological clock in 10 years.
I got married at 13 then divorced at 16 and been married since with 2kids on the grinding. My first child was at 16 and second one in hurricane Ike.
Just stumbled upon this... http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/11/22/new-york-groom-commits-suicide-hours-after-wedding/ Goodness gracious, if you don't want to get married, then DON'T! But that dude left behind a 5 and 2 year old.
If you don't think you are going to get bored with someone during a lifetime of marriage, then you don't have the proper expectations. Marriage is only as good as your the level of commitment you have to it.
When I first got married, I'm not quite sure I fully understood what I was getting into. I didn't consider the pros and cons, all I knew is that I loved a girl and I wanted to be with her, exclusively, for the rest of my life. I've only been married 2.5 years, so I don't have a ton of experience or wisdom to pass along. But I will share a bit about my own experience and why I certainly believe in the institution of marriage: -Companionship: With marriage, you have a forever companion. You have chosen somebody to spend the rest of your life with and they have chosen you. It is vitally important that you both agree on a framework for your marriage that works for you. Not every framework will work with every couple, which is why I believe many marriages fall apart (some people simply cannot live within the expectations of their framework and never really 'agreed' to the framework in the first place). My wife and I are quite conservative in our framework - solely devoted to each other every step of the way - and it works for us. I don't know if this works for every couple. Anyways, companionship is great. It's amazing to have somebody to share every highlight with (and they actually care!) and to have somebody who can't wait to share their highlights with you. While we love spending time together, we also have our own interests that we do completely separately of each other. It works out. It's all good and I can't imagine a better day than my average weekend day which starts with my wife and ends with my wife. Tis bliss, my friends. -Teamwork: My wife is an incredible cook, nurse, and homemaker (gardening, sewing, etc). I try to be as helpful as I can around the house (and beyond), but I'm a long ways away from being a handyman. Somehow together, we get far more done than we ever could apart. We've always got each others backs and we never seem to need to harp at each other to get our way. We just make it happen together and because of this we usually both get what we want. We like to joke around, "you and me girl, the sky's the limit" or "nothing can stop us, babe, we're invincible!" -Special Moments: Maybe this goes back to companionship, maybe not. I don't know. But when you're with somebody that you love and would do anything for (and they feel the same way towards you), there's just magic in the air. As long as you are both fully committed to the institution of marriage and the framework upon which you've agreed to live, then you can live knowing that you have a 'best friend' (and lover) that you can trust at all times and because of this so many special moments can arise that would otherwise perhaps not be so special. Stupid stuff like holding hands on walks or cuddling on the couch make me giddy at times - not because the acts are amazing, but because it's such an incredible feeling to be fully devoted to somebody that is fully devoted to you. Love is so special... and a lifelong commitment to love cannot be described with mere words. Sorry if I started blithering away at all. I hope you understand why I think marriage is so special. As long as both are committed to the marriage and agree on what the marriage should look like, I can't imagine how life outside of marriage could ever compare. But of course that's just my own experience. And with that said, I should add that I would never want to be married to the wrong person (somebody with a personality that conflicts with my own). I imagine that would be a major pain in the ass...
Bingo. Every marriage has rough spots and times where one (or both) want out at some point. We're all too human to never get fed up with someone you share every day with for years. But, that's where work comes in. It's a commitment by two people to always look out for the other person's needs, even above their own, always dedicating to make the other feel happy and loved every day; and know that rough times are just that... rough times. I saw my parents go through some really bad times where I really thought that absolutely hated each other. I even thought they would get divorced at one point and even thought my Mom should divorce my Dad. But you know what? They stuck it out, stay committed to each other and they are happier together more than ever now. It really is quite beautiful, even by someone like me who also went through a rough marriage where my spouse had an affair.
When you're tired and frustrated at work, thinking about that you have a wife and kids waiting at home for you makes all the negative things go away. That's how powerful marriage/love is. That's how marriage should affect your life.
I should clarify, I meant sexually bored. Like couples that haven't had sex in a few months, and resentment builds.
Same thing. If you don't think you are going to get bored having sex with the same person for the rest of your life, you don't have the proper expectations. Its only going to be as good as what you put into it.
I met a woman at a dinner party. She was ok but I had just been dumped by a girl I had dated for awhile - in fact she was supposed to be at the party but when I was dumped the night before so the host called up a girl the day of the party to explain that a cancellation had opened a spot and asked if she would fill-in. I'm still surprised she said ok to being a fill-in. Anyway no sparks for either of us but we just came to know one another and talked frequently. Months later it became apparent that I was her best friend and she was mine but still that level was fine for both of us. Here's where it gets strange...months after that I started to have feelings...feelings for her outer beauty. How do I tell my BF that I'm falling for her and want to date? What if she doesn't have the same feelings? She might cool things and then I lose my BF. It was a gamble but one I had to take and have "the talk". Next March will be our 22nd anniversary. The best 22 years of my life with no exceptions. It's been good to always have your BF around to support you. And here on the mtn, I'm known as Teresa's husband - true story - and it doesn't hurt that she's smokin' hot IMO and I don't think I'm alone on that. But even when the outside fades, and if we both live long enough it will eventually, we still have what our relationship was founded on and that is the key...what you base your relationship on will be the foundation of your marrage...make sure it's a good one.
They did a study on people who were married over 50 years, and the thing that most had in common was the man felt like he married up and his wife was too good for him. I know that's the case for me. My wife is definitely the better half.
I'm torn between what my culture and parents want (arranged) and what I want (love). I was hoping I could find both in one girl. I'm tired of meeting arranged girls...talk about stuck up biches. Arranged marriage is materialistic. I vented to a non-Indian girl and we ended up dating. I may eventually succumb to the arranged marriage, but right now I'm having fun with her. Yes, she could be the one.
I think I married up, but my wife swears she thinks she married up. I think that's a key too... when you both think you're 'lucky' to have the other person.
So the key to happy and long lasting marriage is putting the cat on pedestal forever. That just great Was it not too long ago that it other way around? damn modern time is so backward
