family affair advice

Wow... I'm sorry to hear that bro.

I don't really have any sound advice, but maybe do all you can do fix the problem with that gold digger without your mum ever knowing?

It's always a risk living far apart from your spouse.

Good luck to ya!

 

For starters, don't do anything. There are no emergencies, take time to think.

The course is probably, talk to Dad first though.

 

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You should change your s/n to doucheious if thats all you got to say. If I were you dude if you do nothing and let your mom think nothing is wrong, its just gonna eat you alive. You should talk to your dad and tell him to tell your mom the truth or you will.

 

Talk to your dad like a man ... Tell him you dont approve... Then keep it moving...

 

17 years apart? Jesus, I'm surprised he lasted that long.

 

Examine the consequences of every possible action (ignore, confront but conceal, tattle) in every context (financial, moral, emotional); decide what's the most important, and then act accordingly. Also, go ahead look at your mom to see if there's any aspect of her character that would cause him to cheat. The adult world is not high school, a sitcom, or a playoff game; relationships matter more than rules.

Also, assuming you're all adult age, you should probably be as tolerant of their behavior as you expect them to be of yours.

 

issues?

So......Moooooommmyy, Daaaaddie's got a girlfriend!

No! first do no harm doctor.

Reacting without thinking it out is the way you f**k up domestic issues. THE #1 priority is the brother, even before the mother, kids before adults, then women then men.
Did you never see Titanic.

The talking, to the the GD story, starts man to man.

 

I think what he meant was don't do anything rash, on the spur-of-the-moment. Those choices are very frequently more damaging in the long term. As the affair has already happened, and the damage is largely already done, there is nothing much to be risked by taking a few days to decide how best to proceeed.

 

I commend your father for taking care of his family. Tough situation.

It's hard to take fault with your dad for being lonely after seventeen years. On the other hand, he should end his marriage first.

As said before, you should cool off, think things through, then sit down and have a man-to-man conversation with him.

If he's fallen out of love with your mother, he should be single on his own for a bit before he settles for some other woman.

Also, given that he slaved for 17 years for the good of your family, I doubt he will leave your brother and mother high and dry.

Good luck.

 

No, Jesus died on the cross, but didn't last too long. R.I.P. Jesus.

In all seriousness, sw847, I'm surprised as to why your parents first had to be apart when you said "due to my brother being disabled, my father and mother have been living long distance (12 hour plane ride） apart"... I don't see that one is the cause for the other, but what's done can't be reversed. Why did they decide to be away from each other, so far, and for such a long time? Was it a big fight?

Also, just speak honestly with your dad. Don't own your mom's feelings, as she may probably also have things she may only want to discuss with your dad and might not want to say them so openly, but it will all come out or she may speak to you knowing you're caring about the situation, eventually. Again, speak with your dad.

 

This.

 

Is it possible that your mom is okay with it? It isn't unheard of.

Talk to your dad. Express your concerns. Don't be too quick in judging his girlfriend as a gold digger. Plenty of girls do actually prefer older men.

The real problem will come if your dad just continues on with the affair and leaves your mom in the dark, after you've talked to him. Will you tell you mom? That will be a tough decision.

 

In my experience, it's never a good idea for kids (or grown adults) to get involved in their parents personal lives.

It sucks what your dad is doing, but you talking to him about it isn't going to stop him. Just tell him you don't to meet her and you don't want to hear about it.

 

This is very sound advice.

DD

 

There is likely a whole universe of stuff about your parents' relationship that you don't know about, so be very careful about how you proceed or you'll be a bull in the china shop. It seems unlikely that a woman would live apart from her husband for 17 years and not assume he's having other romantic relationships. It's also possible that she has other romantic relationships as well. Also, not knowing the particulars here, it does seem odd that a family can go 17 years without finding a way to reunite in one house, unless they really didn't want to. It seems more likely that they are emotionally divorced but keep the marriage together for the sake of their children. Overall, from where I'm standing, it seems like you should not do anything at all about your father's infidelity. If you feel like you have to, you need to talk to your father and learn what the situation actually is.

Then, there's the issue of the gold-digger. Since your father is married, he won't be able to marry her and put his estate (and your inheritance) at risk. The only danger is gift-giving or access to the bank accounts. If you are concerned about this, again I think the answer is talking with your father and getting more information. Does he have any intentions re marriage? Does she have access to bank accounts? And so on. If you talk to him and the relationship is out in the open, you may be able to get to know the girlfriend better and judge better if her intentions are good.

 

This would be my advice as well.

 

Pics of gold digger please

 

Tell your dad to keep said Gold digger as a mistress.

When one marries their mistress they create a job opening.