Could have gone about it in a less douchie way, but as someone else pointed out, OP needs to get used to it.
Yeah, I'm nothing compared to the hecklers at the Improv. Thick skin is key one, and don't take yourself too seriously or you'll get ripped apart.
Yeah pretty much, I thought it was terribly unfunny, but then again, I wouldn't be caught dead doing a comedy routine in front of 5 people that I know.
What worked for Dave Chappelle? It was his act that sold the material. The material wasn't all that great. Carlin had good stuff too. Both of these comedians were being themselves when they were up on stage. I would aim for creating a good routine. Try not to be fake, and people will genuinely like you. I don't expect you to be half a Aziz Ansari, but I'm sure your crowd will find you if there is one. People want to see average guys stand up on a stage and tell jokes. Try telling jokes they can relate to.
Yeah, so instead you spend 17 hours per day talking to dull minded 15 year old idiots on internet message boards. I guess you have more indie cred than the standup comic who had the balls to show his face in public and on youtube. Where's yours?
How many times do you think Carlin did one of his routines live? What about Chris Rock's "Two Types" routine? I would say each of them did it live over 50 or 60 times. They mastered routines because they heard what worked for them live. If something didn't get a response one night they might take it out and try something different the next night. Keep practicing. As you progress off stage, you will improve on stage.
Never ever listen to a comedian named Jake Johannsen. He ends everything with a deep, heaving "uuuuh" or "ummm...". I think it's some kind of nervous disorder. Of course I heard part of his routine a few months ago and it seems he had sought therapy for it because I didn't hear it. If you ever hear him on XM, you'd want to shoot the damn radio. Ummmmm.
Right now you're trying to get comfortable on stage, your material has some cool elements but in my humble opinion you need to trim the fat on the bits and establish what mood you're in when you launch a joke. It's hard to be likeable guy and and do rant-observational material. That has to be set up like you're pissed at the Maury show because of whatever your opinion of it is. IMO, I think you should stick to the college stuff because it is what you are living..or your "voice". When you get into broader subject matter its going to be difficult for you to win because there are so many people who have probably written a better and more familiar joke about your topic, in some cases you might hear a better version of your joke just before you go on stage. My biggest problem still is attaching the mood to a piece. Recently I've started writing down what mood I'm in when I write a bit, and I catagorize my set that way. It's EXTREMELY effective. You were pissed when you answered Moes and created a great one-liner. Re-create the situation with another set-up and attach that same anger, I guarantee you will have a winning piece. Most importantly, connect with the audience. I felt like you were seeking approval as opposed to sharing your thoughts and allowing the chips to fall as they may. You obviously know how to structure a joke and I think you're off to a great start. Good luck man and I hope to see you around soon. One more thing: Try to write clean material. For one, clean comics gain respect from their peers a lot faster --and it's alot easier to write clean and go dirty than the other way around.
Props on having the ballz of going on stage, that in itself is a great achievement in my books. Seemed like there weren't too many people in the audience though, was it your friends that were laughing at all your jokes? You killed the atm joke, giving an anecdote with no mystery about what's to come is not funny. Also Libya....labia.. wow.
Thanks BDW that was really good feedback man, like always. The bit about the angry one liner, would you analogize that to carlos mencia type presentation? He seems to have that angry type of routine. Let me know what you think. And props to the rest of you as well for your feedback