I would guess that it is different for women on this than guys. I could be wrong about that but I would venture that more women want to find someone than a guy would. Call it giving up, if you must, but I lost a LOT of money and time being married to the wrong person. I cannot go through that same situation again. EVER. Go from making a comfortable living with no mortgage to scraping by as a high school teacher, living with your parents, and making not one but TWO mortgage payments and you would understand why I feel that way. Nothing against you personally, Isabel, but sometimes the facts are such that you have your reasons to be alone. Reminds me of one of my all-time favorite movies in "Vertigo" - Jimmy Stewart's character tells Barbara Bel Geddes' character that some people prefer to live alone. That's me - my priorities have changed from 5 years ago. Maybe 5 years from now, they'll change again - who knows?
Great post - would rep you but I have to spread it around. Remind me to rep you again sometime in the future for the post I quoted above.
To be fair, your story has to be colored through the understanding that your relationship/marriage sounds relatively new and, before that, your longest sustained time together was 3 months. Didn't all of your friends in their 20's telling you you were crazy think that they had the right one (otherwise why would they say you were weird)? Give yourself 7-10 years and then see if you really picked the right woman. In general, though, it seems crazy to get married in your early-mid 20's. I got married not long after college and now I feel like I was just a kid...what did I know? Of course, I "knew" I would marry her when I was about 21 so that is even earlier. Part of it is I was smart and honest with myself so made a mature decision but part of it seems like luck, too. I LOVE my alone time and never thought I would get married quickly. But then I knew that there was no point in delaying the inevitable and I would not likely find someone better for me. I am...difficult...and particular so I guess that worked in my favor. If we divorced or something I would definitely have other relationships but I am not sure it would ever be the same. New and exciting is great, but competing with that history would be difficult. Even a different relationship lasting the same length of time (if we divorced tomorrow, then I eventually found another woman and went 15 years) there is a uniqueness to the magic of the first marriage, first big experiences as an adult couple, kids, etc. But, yes, a lot of people make terrible decisions for partners. They fool themselves about themselves, their future spouse, etc. Sad. Glad you feel freedom, Manny. I never posted it in the other thread but all of your previous relationship posts were explanatory or apologetic or had a general sense of weariness to them. Plus, this forum creates a weird personal history so I have "watched" you all these years and have a psychoanalytic profile for you and the descriptions (despite how hard they tried to pain positively) of your ex's personality really was a bad fit. Live for yourself now, even if it involves other relationships. Whatever you do, though, don't be like moes. Not about love. Just in general. He still sucks his thumb.
So, I'm 78 years old. Hmmm. I guess it could be worse. I could be as old as Dr. of Dunk. (For all you newbies, DoD's age has been a long running joke on this board....kind of like rimbaud's posts.)
