Batman Jones, I feel at peace that I have a flight home. I think my problem was not being there for the last two years, when he got diagnosed. I couldn't deal with not being there. I hid from them. It's like I didn't want updates, because I couldn't be there to walk their dog on bad days or cook or just sit and watch a movie. I'd visit for a week during holidays, consumed by family and other friends, and see them for a good two days or something good, but not quite enough. We'd share raw food recipes and low sugar/starch...I'd make them something, and Art would eat 3 plates. And Natasha would make fun of him and smile. Then I came once on my birthday and he had to go to the hospital the day before for an unscheduled surgery. Natasha was protecting him and keeping visitors away. But I snuck in. He apologized for how out of it he was on drugs and how many tubes there were. But I got him to laugh...then another friend showed up and it was a party! Natasha was able to go home for a nap. Even after that, I leave town in denial. It's like I'm in denial because I'm not there and don't want to think about how much I want to move back to Houston. something like that. ps: I think you told me some of those stories. My best friend in HS (my tennis doubles partner) stabbed his parents to death and was a fugitive for over a year...FBI interviewed me at Kahn's deli during work because he killed again in San Fran...America's Most Wanted did a show about him. I was petrified for my entire 23rd yr of life thinking he was going to seek me out for refuge, since he lived with me after college for 6 mos. I actually got an apartment on Grant next to the Montrose police substation, and had a rehearsed plan if he showed up on my door...."Awesome to see you...I was just about to get some beers. Have a seat, I'll be right back." Yeah, I've learned an unhealthy way of denying reality. And I still have regret for leaving Houston and friends and family.
I've been to more funerals than most people I know. Death sucks. You grieve, you grieve some more, and you try to move forward. Prayers, man.
Wow this thread is really depressing. Is it selfish to wish to die before all my loved ones do? I'm not the type that can cope well with these. At all.
I was the same way when my sister died... in my head I somehow completely disassociated myself from it all like a bad dream... or a terrible television drama. All I can tell you is that at some point it will hit you and everyone processes in their own way. People can give you some pyscho babble about how do deal with it, but everyone has to deal in their own time in their own way. For me, in some ways I still haven't dealt with it. Virtual hugs to you and your friend's family.
Just thinking about my Grandpa's death a couple of months ago my heart drops and the feelings are undescribable. There is no way to deal with death with someone you are close with.. everyone has their on way. The only thing that may help is time. Good luck to you.
Maybe I can lighten the mood with my favorite bathroom wall graffiti ever. Seen for years (now sadly gone) in the upstairs men's room at Rudyards, each line in a different hand. - Kill yourself and tell me what it was like. - No, I won't. - You first. - I did it. - What was it like? - It was like Tron.
I actually talked of death the other night in another thread. I have been around a ton of death, I have stories for days. Like I said before, I will never get used to it. The thought of loved ones dying, haunts me. When I was 15, my best friend was shot and killed. Its been 24 years and I had to identify the body because his mother was too afraid to see him. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him lying on that metal slab, not the way I wanted to remember him. Just last year, another one of my closest friends was shot and killed while he slept. I'm sure several of you are familiar with the case, it was in the news state wide for sometime. I won't go into any of the details. Countless relatives that I cared for deeply have passed over the years. Like I said, I've been around death so much. Point is, death hits me incredibly hard, I'm sure it does most people. It's created gaping holes, given me a bit of a feeling that anyone I love will leave, made me a little overprotective and paranoid that something awful may happen to my 18 month old son. Yes it's done some damage, You'd never know by talking to me, or seeing me in my everyday life. I'm sure I'm not helping, I'm sorry for that. I will say, one thing it's done in the positive is, I take absolutely nothing for granted. I love my family and friends more than they can possibly imagine. Every moment I have, is so appreciated. I'm insanely passionate about life in general. With all of this said, when you experience death, I hope you see the positive, at least as much as can be.
The bad thing for me is that I have never lost anybody that I would consider close to me. Family members, friends, etc. have all been lost but I don't find myself overly emotional to any of these when they have happened in the past. Now, I do have it run across my mind from time to time about losing a family member and it just causes some bad anxiety. I think I have handled death fine but I am not sure how I will handle in the future, especially when I do lose somebody that is close to me.
this post kind of just gave me a bit of a jolt. i've been to tons of funerals, but when i think about it, i'd put myself in the same boat as you. all of my grandparents have been gone for a while, but the 2 that i was close to passed when i was 12 and 5. great aunt passed a year ago who i was fairly close to, but i've never had like a close friend or family member die, and i am not looking forward to finding out how i will cope with that in my adulthood.
Your post is so awesome and inspirational...I have to quote again. I think Art and Natasha are thinking the positive.....and like you said...that's the best I can do, too. my new bbs hero, mikol13
I've lost both my parents in Texas while living on the East Coast so I was not able to be with them when the end came suddenly. That has always bothered me. June 28th was the tenth anniversary of my father's death. He was in a slow decline but nothing that seemed life-threatening. He'd been living with Parkinson's Disease for 19 years. They checked him into the hospital to check on his kidneys. The nurse woke him at 4am to check his vitals, went out to her cart to get something and when she came back he was gone. He was going on 86. After my father was gone, my mother told me that 5:30 PM CT was the hardest time of the day for her. That was approximately when Dad used to come home. They had been married for about 55 years when he passed. To help her along, I made it a habit to call her almost every day at 5:30 her time to break her loneliness. In November of 2006 she was living in an assisted living facility. I called her at the usual time. She answered "breathlessly." I kidded her about running for the phone. She countered with a dread response that she was feeling a tightness in her chest but "I don't think I'm having a heart attack." She was. She died three days later while on Life Support. I still miss them dearly. I dream about my dad and think about my mom. It took me six months to lose the habit of reaching for the phone at 5:30 in the afternoon. Enjoy your loved ones while you have them.
Agreed. Read some Epictetus. He describes dealing with death very well. With that said, from my personal experience in losing my father when I was young as well as other loved ones, the only thing that's really helped me heal is time.
Death is a part of life. It's something we will all have to deal with and it's something that will happen to us as well. I've lost my father, all 4 grandparents, and stepfather. I dealt with it all well. I was very sad and missed them for the first week, then one day I'd wake up, realize that life goes on, I remember only the good times, and I move on with my life without any more sadness. If you never get over a death, you will be a depressed person. It also kills me to watch people who do nothing with their life. They sit around and drink/smoke weed, play video games, never travel, never do anything they are passionate about and they are living like they will never die. You all have a very short amount of time on this earth and that is certain. Don't waste it. And when someone close to you dies, grieve; and then move on with your life.
I don't why I read this thread... every time I open it I get uber depressed. Drox's comment of being with family and feeling like his mom his going to walk in the door at any moment when she's not for some reason particularly hits me hard, despite still having both my parents.
My friend passed today peacefully at home in his wife's arms surrounded by family. I feel fortunate that she asked me to fly home 2 weeks ago for a get together. He was smiling! I actually thought he looked great, but learned later over the course of the week visiting with him that they gave him a shot for energy for the get together, and he was otherwise in much discomfort and miserable most of the day. Art taught me a lot. And he was easily the most peaceful person I knew closely. They say positive thinking can delay death. He did that. And when he was settled, he left on his own terms. Peace Art! Peace Natasha!
btw: what do you do when you are 3,000 miles away where you don't speak the language, and don't want to go out anyways. "I can't get no r e l e a s e" I do have a train ticket to anywhere.
Almost the same words I was going to use. I can't say the best way if there even is one. But CAN say that repressing it the "manly" way is the WORST thing to do. Do agree that it will eventually come out anyway even when you try to hold it in The only time containment is necessary is in IMMEDIATE emergency situations so you can keep your senses to perform tasks. Other than that, grieve fully and respectfully.
Sorry for your loss Kev. I lost my Grandpa 3 years ago and it was very tough, he was the most important male figure in my life. I was glad to see him go rather quickly though once the cancer spread to his brain. You never want to see them suffer.
