Manny, go back and read your posts in the past about your wife and about marriage. You never sounded happy and you two were never compatible. You were always doing everything you could to save the marriage and appease your wife. You should be applauded for that and you should have no regrets here going forward. I think you did everything you could, but you two just weren't a good match. You hung in there much longer than anyone else would have. Props, but I saw this thread coming. That is not what marriage is about. Marriage is not about choosing someone, getting married, and then trying to make it work. Marriage is about finding that one special person who was made for you, falling in love, deciding to spend the rest of your lives together, and then dealing with the small bumps that come along the way. I hear far too many people say "marriage takes work". It shouldn't take that much work if you marry the right person. Marriage shouldn't be a constant battle. Life is too short for that and I'd recommend anyone here to stay single forever vs. being in a long battle with someone. The good times should outweigh the bad by 100 to 1. I got married when I was 21 to the WRONG person and I went though 18 months of hell - battling, "working through it", and being miserable. I ended it and vowed that I'd never do it again. Well at the age of 34 after 12 years of being single and happy, I met the woman of my dreams, fell in love and we have been married now for 2 years and it has been wonderful. We haven't had ONE single argument. We don't fight about money, and we don't have to go day to day with people telling us that "marriage is work" or any of that BS. Our marriage WORKS because we truly love each other and are 100% compatible.
FATTYusually speaks the truth. Sometimes people just do not want to hear it. He was a treasure to this BBS community and it is my hope he is allowed back with open arms. I can tell you from personal experience that he is an amazing person.
Man, that sucks. But hey, you'll get through this. And then you'll meet someone better. In the meantime, go be the best dad you can be.
Manny, my son has AS. It's hard for people to understand why a person with AS acts unresponsive to someone else's emotional feedback - especially interpretation of facial cues and non-literal inferences. And really, other than anti-anxiety medication, which he takes, there's no magic pill for this. It's always mistaken as narcissism or egotism by those around him. Because of AS, he also has been classified as having a learning disability, for which we have him on a 504 plan (California). My wife is suffering similar BPD and a host of other psychological issues, for which she takes a lot of medication. I have learned through hardship to put my own feelings aside and concentrate of being the best husband and father I can be, though it's definitely a challenge. I feel for you - I've been married for 22 years now and my son is 17. Here's a good article on AS if anyone is interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
I dont have aspergers or know anyone with it but I read a GREAT autobiography from a person with aspergers. Aside from how amazing his life is at times (the guy is a high school dropout that did things from designing toys for Milton-Bradley, creating the pyrotechnics for KISS concerts, to finally starting a business repairing old high-end cars), he discusses a lot of the characterstics of Aspergers that you mentioned. Specifically his father and teachers used to beat him because he wasnt comfortable with looking people in the eye (people assume you are lying when you dont look someone in the eye) Also I found it fascinating when he discussed the logic he uses when analyzing a situation. Its much more literal than the average person which sometimes makes him look unemotional when really its a different train of thought. More importantly, he didnt even realize he had aspergers until he was an adult but he slowly learned to understand it and minimize those different social quirks. Either way its a phenomenal book and taught me a lot about AS. Its called "Look me in the Eye" by John Robison.
We've actually heard him interviewed on NPR, so I know of who you speak. We're reading another book by him called, "Be Different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian with Practical Advice for Aspergians, Misfits, Families & Teachers". thanks for that info - much obliged
Dang Manny, sorry about the divorce. I, too, remember when you were single, with only the next purchased album and proposed ootp trade to worry over. I'm sure you'll get through these tough times, lord knows you have the music library you need to provide you with comfort and catharsis.
^ What she said. Sorry you're going through this, especially with kids involved and other parts of your life being rough as well. But I know you put a lot of effort into making it work; maybe it's just not going to. Hope things look up for you soon.
Sorry for your troubles Manny. You sound like you have a bleak overview on a relationship level, but the world is a big place with billions of people. This +1. Developing and building a wider support network for yourself is as priceless as the pills and cognitive therapy sessions attached on top of it. Men usually handle the deeper parts of divorces on their own like a physical wound, but you aren't alone and you aren't responsible for handling it alone. Like Bats said, I wouldn't trust a WebMD/wiki diagnosis or a GP entirely. Specialists would know more, and accuracy in diagnosis(es) is definitely a process that starts with your relationship with the specialist. I like that you're trying to understand what happened, and I hope that in seeking more personal diagnosis that you can be among one of the several people with Aspergers who have found relationships and marriages that they are comfortable enough to thrive and grow. Whatever you want is possible. You might need more info and friends with more insight to get there. It's real tempting, so try not to limit your future choices out of what you're feeling right now.
Same deal with aussie rocket. I feel you Manny. Dont hate each other, but not on the same life path at all!! We are 28, luckily no kids.
Science Channel has a series I think is awesome called "Ingenious Minds". It shows the incredible feats people who are "handicapped" are capable of. Many of their subjects are people who suffer from some type of autism. John Robison was a topic of one of their episodes : <iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vpEubnIfZUA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> <iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FoxE8_1eeWk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I used to date someone who I think has Borderline Personality Disorder. It was not fun. It took awhile to get out of the relationship, it was scary. Asperger's...I knew someone with it. I understand a bit of what you're dealing with. Very rough. Keep faith in God, keep your head and shoulders above water, don't withdraw from people around you. You'll make it out okay.
Manny, I re-read your OP and realized you said you'd come to these diagnoses through research. Please see a doc. I've also done research and have diagnosed both myself and my girlfriend with just about half the conditions I've read about. You can't diagnose yourself through research (and certainly not by those internet tests). You can read the qualifications for BPD and be like, oh, of course, that's exactly what she's like. But then you can go read about another personality disorder and think the same thing. I once diagnosed myself with like three disorders from reading about them on the internet and went to report it to my psych who just told me to stop trying to rely on the internet to be a doctor. I (and my girlfriend) match the criteria for all sorts of stuff - that doesn't mean we have all those disorders. And if you think you've discovered you have a mild case of Aspergers, I can think of about five other possibilities off the top of my head that might be just as likely. See a psychiatrist. You'll be glad you did.
That sucks, Manny. It looks like you tried to make it work, but it's better to just let it go then to keep plugging at it for years and years just trying to make it better, or even worse, I've seen couples who despised each other but just kept together for the sake of the kids or something, with the result that no one wins at the end of that. Good luck, man, you'll be fine. Careful with the prescriptions, though.
