Look man, sorry to say, but teenagers are turds. No offense, but things seem a lot tougher then than they actually are to you guys. I know it can be tough, but you have to find beauty in the world around you. I'm now in my thirties and am similar in some respects as I have a hard time meeting new people if I don't work with them. Not everyone's the same, the trick is finding the things to love about yourself. Don't sweat others, the special ones take a little longer to come around sometimes. Focus on the things that make you happy and what you're good at. Build from there. Confidence is a hell of a thing, but tough to get a hold of for most. Also find amusement in your daily life. Sometimes I get a kick out of just seeing people around me and stupid things they do. You'll be surprised how many people you click with when you're yourself. From your writing and obvious admission to college, you appear to be able to communicate fairly well. Use that and don't worry about what someone else thinks. When you're happy it shows so enjoy the things you bring to the table. I find it also helps to remember everyone has insecurities, even the most gorgeous women. They are human too and get lost in the world like you do. There's no reason for intimidation. If anything, you don't have to sit down to pee so there's one advantage. Like Cometswin says, get out and enjoy some physical activity. You don't have to turn into a meathead, but you'll find that being active perks the mood up. Lastly, there is so much beauty in the world that we take for granted. This phase will pass and one day you'll know great happiness, partly because you knew great sadness. Next time you leave your place take it all in, it won't be there forever.
A lot of good advice here already to the OP and to a certain extent I can relate as I absolutely hated my senior year of high school. Its funny looking back though I can see I wasn't the loser that I thought I was but things always look worse in the present than they do with time. The key thing you need to always remember is that where you are at now (physically, emotionally, financially) is not where you will be forever. You have the greatest commodity available to you right now which is time. There is a principle in Buddhism that is that all things change and while it might not seem like they are changing for you they will. Take the advice here to improve yourself. Sports is a great way to improve yourself physically and also to meet people. Many of my closest friends have come from sports, particularly martial arts. Another way is art. If you feel you are having trouble expressing yourself verbally find other ways to express yourself. I'm going to tell you something else that you may not want to hear but if you want to overcome your social phobia its important. Don't be afraid to be humiliated or embarrassed socially. To put it bluntly humiliation and embarrassment is something that happens but the only way you can get develop good social skills and confidence is to get over the fear of what can go wrong socially. As you yourself said you over think things. That is a common problem and the only way to get over that is to train yourself to act socially without fear of what could go wrong. Let me give you a sports analogy. In basketball you often hear about people playing in "the zone" or "loose" when they are playing well. What that means is that they are playing in a way that they are reacting almost instinctualy and not hesitating or trying to force things. Now to get to that level though it takes a lot of practice and experience to develop that type of feel for the game. Now if people though are afraid of what can go wrong and don't play out of fear of failure they will never get to that level. The same thing applies socially, the only way you can get comfortable socially is to practice and not be afraid of what can go wrong. Of course that means that humiliation and awkwardness will still occasionally occur just like the best basketball players will still get blocked and turnover the ball occasionally but you can never get better without acknowledging that the likelihood of failure exist but accept that and move on. I hope all of this helps and when you are feeling down always remember you have a lot of time in front of you and a lot of things will change for you.
This is a horrible way to choose your major. Choose something you want to pursue instead. Also, ALL majors these days require tons of communication. Unless you're some super-genius, you pretty much have to work with others all the time no matter the field. If anything, I suggest you take classes that involve communication, group work, etc. Trust me, it's much easier to talk to people when you're forced to do so. You'll naturally open up. While I don't have communications problems you do, I generally am not a very talkative person. But when put in a group environment, I can can kind of "turn it on" due to necessity. You don't have to spend a lot of money. Just dress "neatly". Even if it's just very plain. Not sure about Canadians, but Americans certainly don't have much of a dress code. Just don't look like you're a hobo. Don't smell bad, and such. These don't really take much money. I don't really think getting a job is really that important for you, especially if you have duties at home. But restaurant jobs should be easy. At the very least, you should be able to get a busboy job or a kitchen job at a restaurant. Or packing groceries. Not much communication involved, but getting some money is never bad for confidence. Even if it's for peanuts. Since you are Chinese, I think the word in Chinese that describes you is 钻牛角尖。I remember when I was in grade school, I got pissed off at a lot of things that as an adult I feel were just plain stupid. I think some of this applies to you. Seriously, there are crapload of things that can be worse than what you're going through. Specifically, people who can't even meet the basic necessities of living. Not to mention you're going to college. Only 25% of working Canadians have a college degree. Many people don't even have this chance, whether it's because they're not smart enough, or because they lack even the money to do that(probably less so in Canada since they're a bunch of socialists there...)
College is just like highscool except there are more and bigger cliques. You can join TSA or CSA but I think its a good idea to force yourself to do things you aren't very comfortable with.
I feel you bro. I also live in Canada. You situation is not uncommon among new immigrants, especially those from China. I'm not going to comment too much about your past, because honestly, you made it through high school, the worst part is pretty much over. You will probably think about this a couple of years later and laugh because you will realize everyone's got their own insecurities in high school, even the popular ones. Now you don't have to be forced into an environment with a lot of immature douchebags. Right now you really need to focus on your future and say goodbye to whatever bad memory as a kid. Engineering programs at Waterloo is one of the best in the country. The fact you even got in shows that you are a dedicated worker (not surprising considering your background). The course load will be hell, and you need to study pretty damn hard in order to maintain a high GPA. People in college are a lot less judgmental about your accent or appearance. But you do need to be proactive about interacting with others. Don't hide yourself in your dorm, go to social events and talk to people, join some clubs. Usually each engineering program has their own common room where you can chill with upper classmen and make new friends. There would be tons of activities for you to do and tons of new people you can meet. And one tip, as some posters mentioned. It is a lot less awkward for you to go up and meet new people during frosh week. I'm sure there will be a lot of events for first years. Go up to people and introduce yourself, talk about where you are from. Everyone will be looking for people to chat with, there's no reason to be shy. I've never been to Waterloo, but I'm positive there are many multicultural clubs or whatever started by international students. You can find a lot of people that has the same background as you that are also looking for new friends. Btw, I'm curious, what city are you living in right now, Toronto? or on the westcoast.
As talkative as I am, I only have 1 friend and he is my cousin. I choose not to have many friends because I've been betrayed badly. All my friends out of high school just became thugs and pot heads. My best friend home invaded my sister's apartment. You shouldnt feel pressured to make many friends but if you're like my classmates in a medical program where it is your job then you should.
Not being scared of humiliation is not an excuse to go out and act like a dumbass, that'll just make people think you're annoying. If you are around people who like to humiliate you all the time, even if you can take it and are not afraid of it, they are not your friends and you shouldn't even bother talking to them.
You may have an anxiety problem. Anxiety can lead to social phobia which results in low self-esteem because you don't have a social life. Go see a psychiatrist ASAP. The last thing you want to do is waste time.
Its not a matter of going out and acting like a dumbass or hanging around with people that humiliate you but a matter of overcoming the fear of being humiliated. If you over think a situation, any situation, by dwelling on what can go wrong you will never be able to act. That's often referred to as "paralysis by analysis". That applies to social situations. Sometimes you have to take a chance and go out and talk to people even if you fear you might do something wrong or they might make fun of you.
This is the most valuable advice in the thread. There are a lot of people posting well-intentioned supportive things about how life gets better and ways to overcome social anxiety (and I'm sure they speak from experience), but if the problem is deeply rooted or even hardwired as a result of a chemical imbalance, attempts to 'snap out of it' will only make the problem worse. Psychiatric treatment and talk therapy (I strongly recommend both) take a long time to produce a lasting, positive effect (though I expect you will feel much better after your first appointment, should you choose to go, because you will know you're on the road to recovery), and it is important to go as soon as you can. Don't put it off or make excuses: those are symptoms of the condition (if you have one). I wish I had begun therapy 10 years ago, but I am so much better for having begun it 2 years ago. If medication is involved, it could take a while to find the proper meds; everyone is different and prescribing medications to treat mood disorders is unfortunately still a guessing game. Another great reason to follow Mr. Clutch's excellent advice to get on it as soon as you can. The day you go to your first appointment is the day your recovery begins. And taking steps to participate in your own recovery will undoubtedly improve your mood right away.
One last thing: there is no doubt in my mind that you are depressed. Depression and anxiety are unfortunately closely related and one almost always triggers the other. They can also be serious diseases and, like any serious disease, they require prompt treatment if you're serious about overcoming them.
I'm not against therapy and it is probably a good idea if you are really feeling very depressed but I hope you, Clutchcity3, don't expect some medication to solve your problems. While certainly medication can help but I often feel that in our society we are too quick to look at medication to treat problems when there may be other solutions or those things aren't really problems but just part of the normal variation of human behavior.
Just go to college with an open mind, relax and take it easy. Participate in some activities with international students, they know even less people than you and their English will be even worse. Nothing to lose. Everything will get better. Practice some sports. Get into intramurals.
ClutchCity3, Sorry to hear that you are going through some hard times. I tend to agree with some other people that you are depressed. Do you have a hard time getting out of the bed in the morning? If so, you are definitely depressed. And although seeing a psychiatrist would not hurt (especially if you are having suicidal thoughts), I can't help but agree with Sishir (rocketsjudoka) and feel that some of this is due to your age and that as you get older, your situation in life will change and change for the better. What is your spiritual life like? Are you buddhist, christian, or something else? Regardless of your faith, I do think it can help you get through tough times. There was a German philosopher named Nietzschke (sp?) that famously said, "That which does not kill me will only make me stronger." You are getting ready to go to college and those will be some of the best times in your life. There have been many times that I wish I was still in college, staying up to 3 in the morning playing cards (mainly pinochle) with my friends. You will probably be a late bloomer which there is nothing wrong with. Try to get into a hobby and find other people who have those same interests. Also know that things can always get worse. I'm going to be 38 in less than a month, I have 2 children, including a 2 year old and I haven't had a full-time job since the end of January. Talk about being depressed! I have been on 6 job interviews since that time and well, I am still needing a full-time job with benefits. I have 2 more interviews early next week and I am really hoping that my drought of not having a job will end soon. It has been a struggle and there have been many times that I have felt that I just wanted to sleep the whole day (especially after I have found out that I did NOT get the job that I just recently interviewed for). It has easily been the roughest patch in my entire life. It has affected my marriage and relationships within my family. I have found myself avoiding people in town because I don't want their pity nor do I want their constant interrogation of how I am doing. Believe me, ClutchCity3, you think your life is bad now - it can always get a lot worse! But I am hanging in there, mainly due to the faith I have in God and trying to keep my family together. They need me so much right now, especially my 2 year old son. The way I look at it is that life has thrown me some bad breaks, but there is still TOO MUCH LIFE left for me to live! I will not ever give up nor rest until I know I have gotten myself and my family into a better situation. Don't ever give up hope and don't ever give up on yourself!
Buddy, Life can be tough, but you will be stronger after going through all of this. The people that don't accept you for who you are RIGHT NOW are not worth your time. We were all immature in high school. As you get older, you'll realize that real friendships mean a lot more as an adult than as a child. Take time to find out who you are. Develop some more hobbies and meet people that way. I think motivating yourself to do well in school/work is a good way to expend the negative feedback you receive from others. Good thoughts your way.
Nietzsche was brilliant. But I don't think he's who you want to be quoting. He was pretty much the godfather of nihilism and he also famously said the following: "God is dead." "After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands." "A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything." "Every church is a stone on the grave of a god-man: it does not want him to rise up again under any circumstances." "Faith: not wanting to know what is true."
