I know plenty of kids with divorced parents and the kids are fine. You are all acting like these kids are going to be ruined and won't have a life after their parents divorce. A lot of times, divorces makes kids even stronger and they are able to face life better in the future because life in general can be cruel. If they guy is no longer into his wife and he wants to train triathlons instead of doing his fatherly duties then props to him AS LONG AS he continues to be a father to his children after the divorce like get them every weekend & child support or whatever the agreement is. Life is short, sometimes people get married when they shouldn't, sometimes they make mistakes. Get out of it if you aren't happy.
I think you need to do something radical to wake him up to what he's gonna lose. Sit him down, and tell him that you've been schtupping his wife while he's been training. After he tries to kill you, tell him the truth and that someone else (probably FFB or MacBeth) is going to rail his wife and it will be his fault. This is a great plan (if you survive).:grin:
I used to work with a lady whose 2nd husband loved running marathons. They have 2 children together but he always put running his marathons over what she wanted to do as a family. Now granted, I can see that living with her would be tough because she is a grade A drama queen but still, she didn't deserve to be passed over for marathons.
True but it does not make it right or even a smart decission. As a man, if you take on a family you have accepted an obligation. Everything in life is not perfect but you better take care of your family or one day you will have major regrets.
True, but how does raj87 telling the guy to quit triathlons make it better, when his heart is not in it? He should get that focus from his own desire and not do it for raj87. He will end up just postponing the inevitable, because he was only doing it to make raj87 happy.
Sure... and pray tell how you intend to make him do anything. If his heart is not in it, then he shouldn't go through the motions. As far existential "crap"... let me make it simple: he drops the triathlon training he is not happy, and he will lash out........... he keeps training, and he is happy, but his family is not... saying "kids come first, etc. is a great concept, but it does not always happen, and you don't want someone just going through the motions.... now feel free to go back to your world of absolutes.... maybe I will join you someday.
I'm not telling him jack. I don't intend to tell him anything, largely because I don't know the man. At some point, it's time to put on your big boy pants and be a man. There are all sorts of things I don't necessarily want to do...but I do because it's my responsibility. It's called being a grown up. Chief on that list: Taking care of the children you conceived. All the rest is selfish excuse cloaked in dripping bullcrap so that it appears to be "enlightened."
Be a man and take care of your family. If you can't derive happiness from that, then you probably made a poor choice in getting married and having kids. And if that is the case, and he still chooses to put himself ahead of his children, then he's selfish and irresponsible.
My point was that he knows that already and has made that choice....go ahead and have the intervention, but he knows danged well what he is doing, and the consequences.... I doubt it changes anything. DD
I completely agree with you. The guy staying in an unhappy marriage will only make it worse. Raj87 will be happy, but the husband will be miserable. It's just like Arnold Schwarzneger. He checked out of that marriage long ago, and has at least 2 love children. He could be "staying in the marriage" and finding another woman to make him happy. Then, he will have another set of kids to worry about and an even messier divorce. It is even harder on the family than a divorce, before the cheating. Then, the husband is unhappy with a messier divorce. Then, the wife feels betrayal for infidelity. Then, the children feel betrayed that their dad has fathered another child. Then, Raj87 runs to his wife and wonders what went wrong for his friend and is unhappy about the divorce, too.
It is not their duty at all, it is their choice to insert their own views upon him. Not saying it is wrong, but that is what is going on...they are taking incomplete information and trying to impose their beliefs on him. Personally, I believe that Raj is right, but that doesn't mean that this man agrees..... DD
It's not a matter of opinion whether putting your family before yourself is right or not. I have no problem with someone "imposing that view" on him. And yes, as friends and family, it is your duty to intervene when you see someone behaving in a manner that is detrimental to themselves. Otherwise, what good are friends and family for. When you talk like this, I hear nothing but defeatism and excuse making for the offending party... sad.
