There you go, buddy. There's so much to enjoy in this life. Don't allow it to be overrun and ruined by somebody who can't appreciate you and forgive you for the mistakes you make. You obviously cared for this girl and she seems to have actively spurned you. It's time to react appropriately and move on. She won't be your last, always remember that.
It sounds like English is not your first language. The syntax is off. But this sounds like the classic boy/girl power game. She knows you want it, and she wants you to change into her perfect prince to get it. You will end up pussywhipped because you are lonely and horny and don't have the conviction to live like you want; and she will always be a little disappointed. book it.
Ah yes, the same ol' story. Boy meets girl. Boy gets drunk, blacks out and pukes in girl's friend's room. Girl dumps boy. Boy stalks girl. I've seen it a million times. [cut] You're not a match, move on. [/paste]
"This isn't the puker you are looking for. You can go about your business. Move along." Umm...sorry...had to.
I don't know OP.... Your story seems to get to twisted up especially when heypartner is giving you advice. You said she wasn't ****ing you, good chance she's out there with someone else. I know you said you would know about it but I highly doubt it. If you're in a long distant relationship, there's no way of telling who is doing what. You need to remember that. Time to move on homie. Just because you've been together for so long doesn't mean it works.
You exaggerated a bit, right? You said she wouldn't do "anything sexual"....but didn't tell us it was only once and in understandable conditions. It sounds a lot different to say that than, "oh, she didn't want to do it once when she was on the rag". I don't see how theres anything wrong with that...sounds like you're just trying to get some sympathy, un-deservedly. It's hard to believe anything you say about your relationship when we know you're probably going to bend the truth to make her seem like a power play b**** and you like the nice guy.
drumbum, how old are you? what do you mean you are helping her out with a job? do you mean you are providing her a job, at your own place of work, at or below your level? i'm not sure of much of anything from your posts but that sounds like a horrible idea. she sounds unpleasant, but it's hard to tell if this could be a reflection of your own disposition/situation. i feel for you. all in all, you sound trapped. a lot of people get there in serious relationships. many never get out. emancipating yourself not only gives you the best chance to "look cooler" to her (it sucks but girls equal gamess) but is really the only way you will be able to objectively evaluate if that's where you really want to be.
end the relationship. It's obviously not working. You are just wasting time and you already wasted a year after your first breakup. It can be hard to end something so familiar but it's for the best because you will regret dragging things along later. I always find it amazing how clearly bad a relationship is when someone makes one of these threads but they seem so oblivious to the answer. Oh yeah...control your drinking and she's probably banging someone else.
What he said... ah, young love...I had to read it a couple of times to find out what you were saying...at the end of the day, life's too short...withholding sx is a power play and playing games is bs...the one who has the power in a relationship cares the least...sad but true...
Dude, she's not the lynchpin of your life. At this stage (not married, no kids), YOU are the lynchpin of your life. Honestly, you can't be happy with someone else until you learn to be happy alone. Re: Games. Yeah, it's part of interpersonal relationships. Like heypartner said, you can't escape it if you want to get laid. So what do you do? You get better at the game. Here's all you really need: Ladder Theory. Learn it, live it. It works with girls you just met and long-term relationships. As for your current relationship- time to cut bait and move on, partner. Get out of that co-dependent, permanently broken relationship. Look at the big picture- it's FUBARED. You can't make other people do what you want. Fortunately for you, all games aside, women want to meet men and get laid as much as guys do.
long distance relationship + her not putting out any more + her: "I'm just too dependant on you" + her bringing up things from the past + her not wanting to give you "another chance" + you helping her out this summer with her job = she's f!cking someone else. BUT... she wants your help with the job, she doesn't want you completely out of her life after 4 years, and she doesn't know how to clarify her situation without feeling like she's a villain. When she's digging up all that stuff from the past, she's doing it to justify herself for the rotten things she's doing. (i.e. it makes her feel better about screwing around with someone else if she can make you out to be a terrible person). Say goodbye. I know that, after 4 years, it's difficult. But it's time to lose her phone number, DON'T help her with the job, and sever her from your life entirely.
So you were both at this "party" and no one knows where you were/weren't getting sick. Where was she when all this getting sick was going on? Obviously not helping out or looking after you. And who's this mystery flip flop accuser? Doesn't look good, man. I say cut bait.
Relationships are all about feeding off each other's vibes, and right now, I'm not getting a good vibe from you. You're relying on this "magical" summer as being the all-curing remedy to your relationship woes, but that's not how it works. You're trying to prove to her you're this great guy, but if it's been four years, she's probably got a pretty good idea of what you are. From the sounds of it, you're trying ENTIRELY too hard, and not being yourself. You need to learn how to go with the flow, and just let things come naturally. You can't try and manipulate every aspect of your time with her to try and skew her view of you. Let things go naturally, and whatever you do, DON'T push for anything this summer. You keep saying how you think she's coming back, and you just want to get it over with and have her come back now. What kind of attitude is that?? She's not your property, and you can't force her to do anything. It sounds like you're just gonna try and manipulate the situation to go in your favor. Either that's really shady, or really naive. Just be yourself, and if that's not what she likes, then she's simply not the one for you. It's that simple.
Maybe the girl just doesn't want to date a guy who is overly dependent on her, presses her for sex, gets jealous, lives in a different town, and gets so black out drunk that he doesn't remember puking in her best friend's room? Naw, she's probably just a b****.
This sounds like this is all your fault and you have no sense of self-control. Sorry, but that's what this sounds like. And... after one year; you should know how things are going to down by now...
First off as the male in the relationship(eventho seems to me that she wears the pants) you can't show weakness, women will smell it and pounce on it. As for not getting cudi, don't ever pout about it, let alone if she's on her rag. You mustve been persistent about it which made her say you were selfish. Your a sick mofo if you want to stick it in when that's going on. I still don't get why she got upset about you throwing up; I remember that same incident happened to me, had a liquor party going at one of my gfs house, passed out, but in the middle of the night woke up and puked all of it up on the carpet. Everyone laughed about it, no feelings were hurt. In order for a relationship to work out y'all got t have communication. You have to be the one to express your feelings and thoughts, women like to be asked questions, almost seems as of they want you to pick away at them slowly. If y'all can't see eye to eye on having fun, drinking partying etc; she's not even willing to compromise with you honestly **** that b**** and go strap yourself and your willy n go have some fun man.
