This is the first girl that I truly had feelings for, usually I would not care for women I am in a relationship in, but this time it was different, I really really love her. She broke it off last night because she feels like in the past month i've changed, I've became too nice. I know this is true, lately I've became such a wuss and too much of a nice guy towards her. She told me that one month ago she couldn't imagine her life without me, but things have changed. I used to not care about stuff and act like a "badass", but with my feelings increasing for her I became way too nice. I do want to get her back though, anyone here can give me some advice on how to? I know there is still a little part of her that loves me, 2 days ago she was still leaving me little notes on my desk saying how much she cared for me...
she'll come back if she actually truly loves you. if not, trust me you're better off. why would she break it off because you're being too nice to her? that sounds completely backwards...
Good god, dont rationalize her stupidity. So you were nice, big deal. If you have to act like someone you arent to win a girl then she isnt the one for you. You need to be you and if she didnt like it then screw her. Its such a rookie mistake to pretend to be someone you are not in order to win a girl back. Yeah its painful but if she is really judging on such a dumb criterion then she's the problem not you.
The thing is my nature isn't to be that nice, I wasn't myself during the past month because I was afraid to lose her, so I was overly protective and acting like a wuss that was always trying to please her - which I usually never do. And yes, I'm 21.
Sounds like you'll still be trying to please her whichever road you take, wouldn't you agree? If you had already been afraid to lose her, then there must have been some issues already. Sounds like she was just looking for an excuse and she found it.
If "being too nice" was what lost her in the first place, trying to "win her back" could seem like more ingratiation towards her, wouldn't it? How about you just not care about it, and that'll make you seem like a "badass" again. Or even better, get with a girl who doesn't dump you because you're "being too nice". That is some immature stuff right there.
I think the issue is that for most women, being "too" nice comes across as either effeminate or condescending. Again, this is when you're too nice, as in going out of your way to treat her like she's a queen or something along those lines. But if the OP was just being a kind and loving guy and still got dumped, there's either more to it or she's just straight up immature.
This is the reason. There is nothing more to it, we did get into arguments for other things like every couple does but they are insignificant.
I can't understand the logic. But if I can ask, is it possible that you did not make her feel that she is sexually attractive and that she is a person who is generally insecure about her looks to the point where she likes to turn a few heads but more as a **** tease than to actually gauge real interest? That would make the excuse seem a bit more logical, and if true, I think it's probably good that you are out of that relationship.. unless you're able to address the insecurity issues.
(secretly desguised "Is she hot?" question ) There isn't one woman that isn't insecure about her looks. You can ask any girl she will always want to change something about herself. She is very good looking though, and I did make her feel attractive. The issue, and I know its true, is that in the beginning of the relationship i was The Man, I took decisions and didn't give a **** about what her or anybody thought about it, and that turns on woman. Confidence. However, at some point I started realizing about all these guys that were flirting with her, and I realized how bad I would be if I lost her, so, I thought that I needed to take better care of her - thus becoming a wuss and agreeing to everything she wanted - turning her completely off. I'm glad I know the mistake I've made, now the only thing I want is to get her back, and that unfortunately starts by... not giving a damn about her and being indifferent. Its a tough task though. If anyone has any advice on how to get her back or if someone's already been in a similar situation please share! We learn from our mistakes... and from the ones made by others!
The only advice I can give is that in time, women will appreciate you being nice and taking care of them, and unfortunately, at your age (21), a lot of women only care if their boyfriend is cool or badass enough. Unfortunately, for now, you have to put on the badass facade even if you've outgrown it..or find someone more mature which would be hard to do at that age.
If I were a betting man, she's probably lying to you about the excuse she is using to break things off. She more than likely met someone either at school or work who really intrigues her and she wants to test the waters with him. If things don't work out, she'll probably come crawling back.
An old friend was in a very similar situation: -Guy dates pretty girl who's been put on a pedestal most of her life, she finds him attractive because he doesn't do that. -About a year later though, he falls for her and lets down his guard. -She doesn't like what she sees so she leaves him for other men. -He sobs, receives advice, disciplines himself, and forgets her by moving on with his life. -She has another relationship with some other man soon after, he stays single. Many months after, he finds an alpha female who brings back his lost confidence. -The two individual's personalities reach a nice equilibrium after some time, and they're happily married now. Oh, and the old GF never ceases to make moves on him. She always drops hints about how stupid she was to pass him up, and so on. My advice? Move on. Either be yourself and find a woman who knows better than to succumb to evolutionary desires and social pressures like some lab rat in a cage, or act like you don't care that much about your women so you're always perceived as confident.
http://images1.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/4534888/Youre-such-a-nice-guy-Lets-just-be-friends.jpg?imageSize=Large&generatorName=Blonde-b****
If being nice to your girlfriend, wife, or female friends makes someone a wuss, then I will gladly be a wuss. In my opinion, anyone who dumps someone because they are nice isn't worth it.
