So, even though I haven't reached my 40s yet, I've recently been having this weird feeling of dread of my own mortality. It's not a sadness like when you lose someone but just sort of a hyper awareness. I think it's somewhat tied to hitting a stage in life where I think I'm not really looking for something drastically different/new. At earlier stages of life there's always this great unknown. When you're a kid who knows what you'll grow up to be, when you're a young man who knows where you'll live or work or who you'll marry. But, I have a good career. I have a great wife and young kids. I'm happy with my life. Sure, I'll get promotions or pick up a new hobby. But, if I'm realistic, everything from here is just a deteriorated version of what I currently have. I'm wondering if this is something you just shake off? maybe just what it means to get old? Do you just use it as fuel to chase a new goal?
It’s a phase that most men go through. You’re settled when you were always striving for something before. The truth is, to be a good parent you should have a stable life. Your kids need it. You’re learning. I’m in my early 50s with a 7yo, 10yo and 19yo. I learned the hard way with time and mistakes how to be a good parent with the first one. Now I know what to do and that change is constant and I can pivot on a dime with my parenting. This has opened up my time to do other things, like business in things I would previously do for a hobby. So I’m making money doing things I love. It keeps me engaged and my life is dynamic. I stay healthy and fit because I understand my body better and know that it’s the key to good mental wellness, and a long life with great quality of life. I want to see my great grandkids and outrun them at the park. When you’re in your initial family building stage you still live like a 20yo but your body doesn’t work like that anymore, which is why you see so many people in their 30s and 40s that are unhealthy fatasses. Give yourself some grace. In fact, focus on your own happiness a bit more because most people throw that out the window when ramping up their career, kids, wife, etc, and are miserable. You can’t take care of other people well if you aren’t well.
You're still young. Enjoy each day with your family. If your health is good, you've got 40 good years left. I'm 66 and slowly downsizing belongings, even though I know I still got at least another good 10-15 years (even with health issues). Both nostalgic and sobering at the same time. Not to mention, I got stuff in my bottom drawer my boys don't need to see...
I think Awareness is actually a positive thing. General tips is looking at your life insurance. And it's never too early for estate planning and drawing a will in case something happens. Having some of this prepared in advance will make things much easier for your family. Going through probate courts can be a lot of work. There are folks around me who live frugally and pass whatever to their kids, which is noble, but cherish the time you do have. If there is a trip you've been putting off, try to go while you can. When the young kids grow older and become more self-sufficient, you free time also opens for more interests and hobbies.
Not perfect at all and have many flaws, but from my experience I always strive to challenge myself and grow in health, wealth and relationships, learning in those areas. I was always impressed with dynamic older people who would still learn new things, still evolve and be open to changing their minds. The most important has been spiritual growth, which lays the foundation for everything else. Go searching down that rabbit hole, for me the answer was always there and obvious since I was a child it was me who had to grow to recognize it. After that, if you're ever bored, melancholy etc. It's because I wasn't challenging myself to grow. Fitness and nutrition goals, better relationships with friends, family and socially (loving yourself, mental/physical health and your spiritual relationship). Wealth goals for yourself, to leave to your family or help people. And reflecting on things you're grateful for daily and making time to have fun consistently. Lastly, when one has it all or where you want to be, you can grow serving others. You get intrinsic and spiritual value (that word again) from helping uplift others, people really need it and it makes you feel better and become better as well.
Make it a goal to be the best husband and best father you can possibly be. You will never actually achieve that goal...but that's the key. Constantly striving for it will enrich your life. And theirs.
this thread saddens jontro. marvel has taught me that we all will inevitably go, some earlier (blek window, heimdall and jane) and some later (peggy). but the key is to go out a hero.
Absolutely, life as a believer has eternal hope as death has no sting, without Jesus it's just a slow march toward doom.
I don’t worry about or contemplate my own death and mortality. But I often think about and dread the day that I will lose the ones I love around me. I think of the John Mayer line, “one generations length away from living life out on my own.”
