So my oldest daughter was supposed to stay with us until she finished graduate school next year but she decided to go ahead and get an apartment…part of the reason for her early than anticipated decision is that she and her younger sister (my other daughter) have been bumping heads on things such as their boyfriend choice, clothes, feeding the dogs and various silly things, But the main reason is she says she needs to grow and this will be something that helps her ,.. After both my wife and I asked her to think it over for a couple days reminding her of the money she can save, etc .,she decided she’s going to go ahead and go with the move out in the next 30 days. She talked about where she’s going to stay and it’s actually is a nice area only 30 minutes from us (and closer to her work) she showed us the apartment booklet how they have a nice swimming pool and a gym and invited us to come over as often as we need to.. I was completely OK with the discussion (I had no negative emotions) but all of a sudden 24 hours later it hit me like a ton of bricks and I could not stop crying. I know I am being selfish, After all I was on my own when I was 19 or 20 years old (she is 24 now) and there is two voices in my head, one that says it is only natural for this to happen and the other voice that literally can’t handle this… This is absolutely the worst pain and I just can’t stop crying I feel like a complete idiot because I know I should be OK with this. Obviously she said she still going to come over often and we are completely OK to come over there but I think I was going to be more OK with this next year it’s just the fact it hit sooner than I anticipated and it really sucks. My youngest daughter is still with us but it just feels like I’ve lost something.
Ugh, I'm sorry bro. It will probably be an uneven effort to stay close, but keep it up, because remember when you were 24, it was all about you...which is perfectly natural and OK. You are just going to have to make that effort. Personally about to deal with this, my 18yo is going 'off' to school 30 minutes away in in a couple of weeks. We still have our two younger boys here and since our oldest is staying at a place we own which is too big for one person, and he's going to be the 'caretaker', we can visit any time. But it's still going to suck. He was our first and our baby.
It sounds like you did a good job and she is making sound decisions. Congrats. I am sure you will get used to it and hopefully yall see each other all of the time. Mine are 7 and 3 but I am dreading the day they leave.
for me it's just my son and i (he is about to start HS in a matter of days) it will be rough once he goes to college. it's a whole thing when you have just one child and you do 99% of the parenting duties. add to that I have been in grad school off and on for the last 4 years and have 2 classes left for an MBA and him playing 4 sports along with soccer out of state and Europe 3 times it's been quite the ride. I have almost lost my sh*t a few times but hopefully worth it in the long run.
We went through this with our son 2 1/2 years ago. It was extremely difficult to deal with the first 3 months or so. IMO, your feelings are normal for any parent with a good relationship with their child. You won't wake up one day suddenly at peace. It's a slow, gradual process of acceptance.
Appreciate your words and everyone else included here, The good news is she’s going to compromise and move closer to October or even November instead of next month so that way it’s kind of slower transition instead of so soon plus her pending roommate also needs more time coincidentally. …It will still be likely this year instead of next year but at least it’s kind of a middle point compared to what we anticipated prior. I’m taking this harder than my wife. But I’m better this afternoon/evening compared to this morning when I felt like I was literally losing it and crying nonstop like a complete fool - I felt even better talking to my daughter as she got home from work today as well and she mentioned she does intend to come over once a week ..we will still take trips together, holidays, etc- We will still catch a movie as a family just like we did when we saw Deadpool & Wolverine last Tuesday. - She has been my anime/manga/video game/movie sidekick so I was relieved to know we will still have that type of relationship
its different with daughters ( I don't have kids but a sister), the closer you try to tug them the further they get. Being a father to girls is one of the most difficult thankless jobs in the world. Gotta protect them from the world because only you know how other dudes think Be a strong father figure that she can always look to, she will find her way back and alot more frequently than you wouldnthink
I hear opposite - daughters are normally closer to parents than sons. But I guess it's different here. I fully expect to be an empty nester when my son goes away - he's gonna start his own family.
As someone whose parents told him he could always return to the nest or stay in the nest for however long he wanted, I can understand this. As a kid, I wanted to get out, but something told me to hang out a while longer. Financially, it was the best decision I made because I could start hoarding money and led to earlier financial freedom. As an adult, I won't feel what you're feeling since I don't have kids, but I can kind of understand. The best thing I can say is just let her know your doors are always open in case something fails. I have a friend who is still very close to her two sons and still struggles with not being around them though they left the house long ago. It's only natural, but you eventually have to let go. But from what you typed, it doesn't seem like a situation she wants to "just get the hell away from you", and she still wants to be around. lol. It's just life. It's awesome to see you're still close with your kid, though. Hopefully if she needs your help in the future, you'll be around and the bond between you and her will be strong for a while. Strong families are a beautiful thing that distances can't break.
Whether they want to completely disconnect or mildly disconnect, and both are absolutely normal, I think the thing you can do to maintain connection is to take them to and pay for an event they like to do near where they live. There is a good chance you will be able to share an experience. This does not include going drinking. But it does open some doors that might otherwise seem closed.
She’s probably leaving because she can’t handle the Dad jokes anymore. All daughters go through that phase.
You're a good dude and a good dad @ROXRAN. I think we all kinda secretly dread this day as parents. Especially fathers of girls.
You feel you lost something . .. . . because you have BUT would gained some things too Feel what you feel. . .. let it all come out Loss and Fear . . . .. . . You feel like you lost some ability to protect her you lost seeing her and interacting daily I think every parent goes through it. . .nothing wrong with it When My sone decided to leave the country . . . . I tried to be supportive but i was concerned. I threw it up to my own ignorance about traveling and encouraged his courage and sense of adventure But you got this . .. . make sure you keep in touch and be there when she needs you Rocket River
A bird that refuses to leave the nest is called a turkey. Sounds like you didn't raise a turkey! Sounds like you raised a smart, strong, independent woman which means you did your job as a father. Of course you're going to be sad - it's the end of an era. But you really should be PROUD. She's leaving the nest. Now you get to watch her FLY. We have twins going into the 7th grade. So 6 years from today, we will be sending them off to college. It's going to be double tough for us going from 2 to 0 overnight.
not to spoil the mood or anything . . . but we've got two grown daughters, 27 and 25 years old, and we both absolutely LOVE being empty nesters. I think it was originally hard for my wife, especially with the older daughter going first to California and now Alaska (we're in NY). Younger one is right here near home. The younger one moved back in with us for almost a year after having some roommate problems. That was hard, even my wife was glad when she moved back out. Now both daughters have partners and don't really bother us with their problems. Having modern phones and photo-sharing ability keeps us all in touch pretty much on a daily basis. We'll see the Alaska child in November when she comes east for a wedding.
