Glock17 - 9mm No external safety to worry about. Easy to use, works, won’t break the bank like a nice 1911 pistol
I use to go to Carter’s country all the time when I lived near Spring TX , now I’m in Nashville and while I have firearms, truth be told I don’t have the love to shoot them like I once did. Always think safety and know it’s a big responsibility to own even one gun, but enjoy
I want to bump this because this spawned from the final of two times that I wanted to commit suicide. I subconsciously masked this as a home defense thing, but… I think I know what I would have ultimately used the gun for… I’m in a dramatically better head space now but some reflection on some personal things in my life led me to remember this thread. It’s absolutely scary remembering how I felt and thought then mentally compared to now. I didn’t ever get close enough to get to an actual attempt but close enough to know how much your mental health can spiral in difficult times and lead to lows that can drive someone to regretfully commit suicide. Jesus.
Yeah it’s been a rough past year, culminated with that winter storm. Life is back on track now, think my next journey is moving out of this state though. Want to get out of the Texas bubble and journey to new places.
Holy hell. Glad things are better. Such a fine line when it comes to being happy and possibly losing your s***. When things are bad it seems like it will never end. It will, it does. Something to learn with every situation. Hope you’re well and it continues to tick upward.
If you ever need to chat, you know where to find me. Hang in there. When I finally got help for my mental issues I felt fcking stupid about all the crazy thoughts that had entered my head.
It was just the moment of realization of the pain I had been putting my wife through. It just took me finally having the courage to talk to someone about it…. Well… it actually took my sister and my wife both yelling at me to go see someone to make it happen.
@RedRedemption if you need to talk in a non judgey environment, you can hit me up as well. I think you've mentioned you're in tech? It's not the most glamorous or natural setting to stay connected to the world though ironically the world is still in the process of being eaten up like Pac-Man pellets to software. Having that knowledge means opportunity though. For example, you could probably still get a work visa in Australia (maybe NZ if you know the right people or HR). Though with covid it's harder to backpack a few months, work during the day and take a mini flight elsewhere on the weekends. I guess in the end, it's still about how creative you are with your options vs the most creative you think you can be. It also depends on your present mindset. Developing an early onset of agoraphobia during covid might put a hamper on scheming for a road trip but if you're not looking towards to future put some more chips on the here and now. Hire a trainer instead of doing home gym stuff. Volunteer your knowledge on site to reaffirm meaning in your work and also to reconnect. If you feel social issues like anxiety is a problem, this is probably the best time as other people have accumulated that over the past 18 months as well. During the summer I felt completely out of touch with my work. First i focused my energy on stocks and crypto. Then I focused on getting a new job. What's kind of sad was that I felt energized by all the attention I was getting from random companies because outside of a few events with friends, I couldn't enjoy the life I had pre covid without blowing up my risk. But the shift helped me learn/realize some things and I still have bad habits with other things. It's never a silver bullet, but in this day and age we expect gratification or pure uncut validation from these journeys. We gameify everything and post edit our public record into planned narrative of events. Maybe you visit Australia while it's knee deep in mouse plague season. Doesn't mean you still can't get lucky with a rad Aussie chick. Not expecting anything or a detailed story should be how our brains should be wired, rather than pre-planning a skill tree on where to level up. It makes you wonder how valid dopamine fasting can be. I couldn't last beyond one weekend
As someone who is lost someone due to suicide I couldn’t be happier to see this post. You just gave everyone that loves you an incredible gift by just sticking around. Get out there are see the real world.
Glad you're doing better, I think this last year plus has been difficult, I mean at least in the sense that it's compounded the lows/loneliness some of us face. I've personally lost people like this (I'm sure we all have) and it takes a huge amount of courage to talk about it like you did. I'm glad you're still with us. Keep in touch and definitely reach out anytime you need anything.
Thanks guys, happy to see the outpouring of support here. Friends and family really helped and I'm glad I'm in a position to retrospect and reflect.
