gatsby, do you think it might be possible that your girl is more scared of people's perception than she is of losing you?
Your girl is already getting boned. Sleepover with friends? LOL. Now keep it moving and quit being a p***y.
She is free to do that of course, but that's something they can talk about. It's not set in stone. Breaking up is not always someone's fault. Sometimes both sides want what they want and no one should be ridiculed for it. I think this is about both of their ideas about how a relationship should be like, and how tragic it would be if two people who loved being together just because they love being together end up splitting up because of something like this.
You are very kind and generous with your thoughts. I appreciate the feedback and advice. Actually, I've been spending the last couple of days thinking on my own, talking with close friends/family, talking to a therapist, etc. all trying to help clarify my logic v. emotions. I understand the gravity of the situation and truly want to make sure I'm in a clear mental state. I think that's the right thing for both of us. I do have a hangup for marriage — no divorce in the family but the three closest marriages in my life are all unhappy with basically no love. Those have unquestionably set a bad tone for my thoughts of marriage and leave me with more concerns than comforts, regardless of who the other person is. Crazily enough, I do want to be married and I do want to marry her. I am 100% confident that I want to spend all of my days with her. And that's why all of this is so confusing to me.
So without going into the backstory, I live a pretty public life (separate of the username :grin: ). I think she's worried what her friends and family would think if it doesn't work out, but she has made so many incredible sacrifices that shows true love — I think she's terribly worried of losing me. First and foremost we both want each other to be happiness. We've always said we want each other to be happy, whether that is together or separate, but preferably together. ;-) But we truly do both love each other and I don't think we actually want to split up.
Ask your therapist why you are unable to convey this to your girlfriend. You may have issues expressing intimacy.
All of this stuff about missing his ex, and I am sitting over here missing Harambe. Please bring my homie Harambe back!
Dude it's your choice. What you are looking for here is confirmation permission to make a decision. Look. The support of 1000 people don't mean anything when they aren't related to your life. You need to go your own way and make your own decisions. That's called being a man.
Yea, it doesn't help when there are so many broken marriages and people who divorce. I can see where anyone would be afraid of it. But, you seem like a good dude with a good heart and, based only by the things you've said on here, you truly love each other. But why can't you guys be the ones that make it? Why can't you be the ones who have the good marriage that those around you are jealous of? You say you enjoy every day with her and want her to be happy and that she feels the same for you. You're going to go through rough times in a marriage (heck, you'll go through them even if you're not... case in point), but as long as you both remember that's your good or best friend and treasure the marriage as a whole, you can get through almost anything together. Marriage isn't the death sentence society and other people want to make it out to be, especially if you keep those principals. Don't get married out of pressure or to make your life whole or happy. Get married because you know that other person is someone with integrity who you know will be committed and stick it out together with you through think or thin, good or bad. Get married because you know, even though there will be times you fall out of the feeling of love, you know you can still act with love for that person (again which was said wonderfully by Jeaporde). This isn't about other people or their relationships, what society or the internet or the media says about it all, this is only about you and her. I'm not trying to push you into getting married, but what if? Anyway, if you just want someone to talk to or vent to, feel free to email me through my profile. If anything you need to maybe take a break from this thread so none of the nonsense starting to creep in doesn't start messing with your mind. Praying for you man.
I can say, with fairly high confidence, that the decision is obvious. Keep fapping boyz. Dude, bro, ring it. You have been with her for 2 years, lived with her (didn't seem to be much of an issue before this, so there is obvious living compatibility), and she is pretty *fine*. You got it good. And you want to marry her? The right decision is staring you in the face, unless there is something else. You can always text me if there's another factor. Don't be ridiculous. But she probably got hit on 15 times.
I don't have a very high opinion on people who resort to such ultimatums and emotional manipulation. If you are not ready you are not ready. It doesn't mean you are waiting for birds chirping or that you are a p***y and less of a man what terrible advice here. A marriage is a serious commitment and both parties must be ready to take the next step. You are only 27 and you are only together for two years. It's preposterous to resort to ultimatums at that age after such short relationship. You have already made clear that this is a serious relationship for you and that you want to be married in the future. but not now. And that's your right. And should have been enough for any woman. Because marriage for most people isn't just a ring it's starting a family. Maybe you are not ready to become a father. Sorry to tell you OP but your girlfriend is manipulating you right now and blackmailing you and you should be angry. Because if she was as she said ready to knew she wanted to marry you 2 years isn't such a long time to resort to ultimatums or threaten to break up. It's clear as the day what she's trying to do. She's playing with your feelings. When my boyfriend some time ago started discussing marriage I said like you I want to get married but not now because I'm not ready. And he respected that. As any partner should have. No ultimatums and deadlines. If he tried to play that game I personally would lose all respect for him and starting doubting if he is a person I want to share the rest of my life with. Your future wife or husband should not push you or emotionally blackmail you to do something you are not ready to do but wait until both of you are ready to take the next step. Because marriage is a serious affair and if one of the two have doubts or is not ready YET it will lead to problems in the future. My 2 cents.
Who says you should be the man in the house? In this new age roles can be reversed, she has to make the decision, and propose to you. I am half serious here, women these days are independent enough to decide on their own. Maybe she is not sure herself, she is hesitating. Keep your biological clock in check!
Women mature a lot earlier, I think she did the right thing.i can tell she is smart and responsible and know when she stop or move on. the women you meet in your 20s is no much different than the one you meet in your 30s, only insignificance bra size difference but we always hope to find an upgrade on the way . The right women is the one treats you like a handicapped , take care of you, show you how you can't pay you bill on time or manage you expenses ,or buy the right cloth or hair cut , to the point you will be no longer be able to makes those decisions on your own
She came home last night to talk. We had a very positive conversation where we both acknowledged we believe that we're it and want to make it work. She stayed home and slept in our bed. (Will reply to the other messages later today.)
Replies in this thread should start with: - I'm currently married - I was married - Never been married but want to - Never been married and don't want to - Kissless virgin with a neckbeard That way we know how to interpret their advice.
