Can someone explain to me what the f*** I'm doing wrong here?

He probably just doesn't understand what he is doing to you. I would say just let it go and just come anyways. Bring food and just keep the spirits up. Remember this is about your mom.

 

He probably only has one focus right now, and he's thinking that by saying "don't worry about it" he's lightening the stress on you.

I'd just go when you can and give him a break. Have the sisters offered help? Maybe you could talk to them on the side and see if they'll offer on their own to your dad, without saying you asked them to?

 

Not to sound insensitive...but what is the point of staying with her round the clock if she is in a hospital? I understand if it's just something you feel obligated to do and want to be there. The hospital is treating her and she is in no immediate danger from what I gather. You say you are "watching her" but what does that mean exactly?

I want to apologize to my Mom in advance but I can't do this unless the situation is extremely grave or something.

 

In that case, just go cause you want to see your mom. If you have to ignore him then do so. The important thing is just to show up.

 

Sounds like y'all are all pretty stressed out and deal with it differently...you should really consider letting your aunt help, after all, she is your mom's sister and not a stranger. If she really wants to, even an hour or two here and there could really help you guys out to de-stress.

 

I agree with others. No matter what he says, just show up for the noon-8pm shift, and come after practice, etc. They will soon appreciate any relief, and will probably start accepting gaps in the schedule to suit your needs, as well.

Sounds like telling your dad to go home and rest on his shift didn't work, so I wouldn't say that again, but you can still show up regardless.

You're a teacher, right?

 

Not to be insensitive but why does someone have to be with your mom 24x7? Apologizes to all moms but my mom would hit me with a chancla if we suffered on her behalf. She would be pissed and it would be my fault for going through all of that.

 

Show of support. Also to watch in case the medical staff does something stupid.

 

3 people isn't really enough to maintain a 24x7 vigil. If your family feels they need to do it, that's fine. But, a sustained period of time split between 3 people is too heavy and it'll kill the lot of you with stress.

But, sounds like your father is being stubborn about who gets to participate. I'd agree with the strategy of just showing up putting in work when you can. Don't ask permission from your father for when you can come and go. Say what your schedule is, and have him work around it. He can either accept the relief when it's available, or you both can do a double vigil. If your aunts want to help, I wonder if they might be able to take the same strategy -- just show up and stay, and eventually force themselves into the rotation.

Anyway, it sucks for your family and I'm sorry to hear about it. Hope everyone pulls through.

 

I think this type of family stress is pretty common in these situations.
So not sure you're doing anything wrong...
Or at least abnormal

 

I was referring to your mom's sisters. I'm sure they'd want to help.

My mom stayed with my dad 24/7 when he was in the hospital. She never really asked for help, but she appreciated it when people came by, for nothing more than to have someone else to talk to. My dad was generally awake, but sometimes he was on some serious pain meds, so it helps to have a person to talk to and break up the day.

It gets pretty boring staying in a hospital 24/7 and you can only sleep so much.

 

Doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. But, as others have asked, what is the purpose of someone being there 24/7? I know when my dad was in the hospital with heart issues and my father-in-law with cancer issues, folks wanted to be there, but no one had to be there.

 

Either expecting a lack of grief or guilt from your dad or spending even one minute in conflict with your other work, family or serious volunteer commitments, especially without any new developments medically.

 

Frontotemporal dementia?

Can't imagine the stress you and your family are going through having to be with her 24/7. Visiting her is great, but there it seems a little overboard to have to watch her 24/7 when she is in a hospital receiving around the clock care. Don't forget to take the time to relax and watch your health/mental well-being as well.

 

Your dad sounds like my dad. He has difficulty in communicating things which are hurting him, so he projects things in ways that distance people from him so that they can't get close and see how much he's hurt.

In a situation like yours, I wouldn't be able to recognize what he's doing because I would be so frustrated with how he's acting.

You should go there even if they're there too. After a couple of times doing that, things will go back to him being able to rest and appreciate you as a part of this thing.

Btw it's really great that you guys are there 24/7, shows how much you guys care for each other. Really inspirational.

 

FT

Firstly thoughts and prayers to your mom and family. Hoping she recovers soon and wishing for the best

Why don't you take it upon yourself to talk To your moms siblings and seek further help from them?

 

You're not doing anything wrong. Just a stressful situation. Just do what you can, and remember you're doing it out of love. Hope your mom is out of the hospital soon. Go give your dad a big hug, and tell him you love him.

Hang in there!!