At the next Rockets practice: Drill 1: Yao should be thrown a medicine ball from a pitching machine until he can catch it ten times without fumbling bumbling bobbling and tipping it. Every time he misses it, he gets a hole drilled through one of his finger nails with a quarter inch drill bit. Drill 2: Yao then should have to hold the basketball in his mits while Jeff Bagwell whacks on it with a baseball bat. Jeff gets to keep swinging until Yao holds the ball in his hands without it being slapped away ten times in a row. Every time Yao drops the ball, Jeff gets to take a whack a Yao's rump. ..............wait a minute, this practice is gonna take weeks. Drill 3: Steve Francis gets a shock collar. We'll have Amechi, Ford, and Ben Davis stand in the lane. Steve will drive the full length of the floor while Piatkowski will stand in the corner at the 3 point line with no defender on him. Every time Steve tries to drive the lane and attempts to shoot over the three big fellas, he gets zapped by the shock collar. The voltage in the collar increases twofold everytime he does it back to back. He isn't allowed to finish this drill until he hits Pike with the basketball ten successive times without trying to dribble into three 7 footers who are standing in the lane. If he dribbles into Piatkowski, he gets hung upside down and shocked with a cow prod. Drill 4: MOT will be given the ball on the low block, he will have Yao Ming and Kelvin Cato guarding him. He will not have on any shoes. Jimmy Jack will stand at the top of the key with no defenders on him. Every time MoT tries to shoot a jumper over the double team instead of passing the basketball to Jimmy Jack, Yao has to stomp on his big toe, the same toe every time. If MoT can't hit Jimmy Jack with the pass ten times in a row, then Yao has to go to the other big toe. The first one will be detached by this time. Drill 5: Back to Stevie. Defensive drill this time. He will be defending Moochie one on one. Stevie doesn't get the ball unless he stops Mooch 3 times in a row. If he doesn't stop Moochie 3 times in a row and loses the game, he can jump rope for 60 minutes in a bucket of wet concrete. If he stops Mooch 3 times in a row, he gets the ball, but he cannot shoot......refer to drill 3 above. Drill 6: Back to Yao. Yao will be given the basketball 8 feet from the basket. He will be guarded by Amechi. If Yao shoots a fadeaway jumper instead of backing down Amechi and shooting over him, Patrick Ewing will grab Yao from behind while Yao is in the act of shooting and slam him to the floor. Drill ends when Yao goes over Amechi 10 times in a row or is in the hospital whichever comes first. Drill 7: MoT, Cuttino, Moochie, and Steve will be thrown a basketball with a defender on them. Shocking collars on all 4. If they do not pass the basketball or take a wide open jumper within 3 seconds, they get hit with the juice. If they attempt to dribble, back to the cattle prod treatment of Drill 3. Drill 8: Team drill. Each member of the team is given 4 toothpicks. One toothpick is placed between each eyelid and their eye socket, holding their eyes open. The third toothpick is taped between their adams apple and their chin. The fourth toothpick is placed between their tongue and their cleft pallet. They all sit in the film room and watch tape of the Utah Jazz playing team basketball. If anybody falls asleep, or attempts to shoot off their mouth, guess what happens......a hole in each eyelid and one in the adams apple or the cleft pallet. By now, it is the summer of 2006. They should be in championship form.
Ahhhh, I forgot one drill. Yao, Cato, MoT, and any other supposed big man who is supposed to rebound will stand under the basket with Patrick Ewing. Their job will be to box out Ewing and get the rebound. Since we need missed shots, we'll let Moochie shoot it. Shot goes up. If Ewing gets the ball, he gets one elbow shot to the solar plexus of whomever he got it off of. Drill ends when Moochie hits 2 in a row or the rebounders keep Ewing off the glass ten straight times. This should coincide with the 2006 date in my first post.
I seriously doubt that. They are more likely to be permanantly disabled (or dead) by all the punishments dished out.
don't know if you guys would have seen but the sth african rugby team was actually subject to similar training before the world cup. according to the west australian newspaper players were forced to pump up rugby balls underwater at gunpoint, were made to strip naked and spend hours in a small hole with the rest of the team listening to the new zealand, french and english national anthems. periodically freezing cold water would be thrown at the team while in the hole. they didnt even make the semi finals.
