Hey all, I called Ms. Cleo for a vision of what we can expect in the future from your favorite and mine Chronicle editorialist , Fran "The metaphoric man" Blinebury . As expected, it was chock full of bad metaphors, exagerated arguments, and anti-Rocket propaganda. I also wanted to post an article of his after Yao's first good game, but either he didn't write one, or Ms. Cleo was just too drained to see it. Anyway, enjoy. LP PS. Woohoo! Post 500! The Houston Chronic Big Ming plays rather small by Fran Blindebury Catching the ball with his back to the basket. A fake to the right. A spin to the left. Pump fake. Pump fake. A spin back to the right. A fadeaway. Clang. 1 for 8 for the half. It was a move that showed the grace, agility, and quickness of a Dreamshake . . . Performed by Shawn Bradley. Yes, I'm talking about the 7'5" overly hyped #1 draft pick from the Far East. Yao Ming. On a night when his shot flew as straight as a rickshaw with one wheel, he finished by going 3 of 12 from the field, for 7 points, with 5 rebounds, and 1 blocked shot. On the other end of the court, rail thin Marcus Camby put up an impressive 15 points and 9 rebounds along with 2 blocks. Of course, this was a player that the Rockets management passed up along with the #7 overall pick which turned out to be the impressive Maybyner "Nene" Hilario who has drawn comparisons to Hakeem Olajuwan. Another brilliant front office move that must leave the likes of Rashard Lewis feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Of course, Ming's numbers in the 97-105 loss to the abysmal Knicks aren't far from his season averages of 10.1 ppg, 6 rpg, and 1.4 bpg. Numbers that are respectable. For a 6'11" underachiever. But enough about Kelvin Cato. Speaking of KC and his Sunshine Contract, if Hakeem was the Dream and Cato is the Hallucination, I suppose that makes Ming the Delusion. The Delusion that Ming would be the biggest thing to come West from China since gunpowder. However, Ming has lacked the "bang" that many thought he would. He has not been an impact player on offense. He has not been the defensive juggernaut that was expected from "The Great Wall" as some called him earlier in the season. He has not been the “Shaq-stopper” that many of the slower fans had hoped he would be. Speaking of the latter, the last time they faced off, O'neal was neither crouching nor hidden, as he pounded away on the bamboo thin rookie for 37 points, 15 rebounds, and 3 blocks. One of those blocks was an embarrassing facial that crashed into Ming harder than a U.S. spy plane in China. Indeed, the only real quality that earns Ming the nickname "The Great Wall" is the number of bricks that he throws up each night on a less than spectacular 44% field goal percentage, a number that should be inconceivable for a such a big giant, albeit with a little heart. Of course, the loss cannot be totally blamed on the rookie. Indeed, the same boring isolation oriented offense of Cuttino Mobley and Steve Francis has given the fans a first hand experience of what migraines really feel like. As they incessantly dribble the ball trying to send Morse code messages to China on the other side of the world (perhaps: "Give us our draft pick back"), they totally remove the other three players from the offense. This invariably leads to a bad shot or a turnover, also known as an assist to the opposing team. About the only way either of them will ever increase their assists per game numbers would be for a breakthrough in cloning technology, so they could legitimately pass to themselves. And then there’s Rudy Tomjonovich. Hey Rudy! Look here! This is an “X”; this is an “O”. Now that you have learned that fundamental concept, go draw up a play! Confucius once said, "To make a mistake and not correct it: this is a real mistake." The Rockets have been repeating the same mistakes for the last three lottery plagued years. This is a real mistake.
Damn, that was hilarious and well written at the same time. The only thing I didn't like is that there is a possibility that he may have to write an article like that for real
that was awesome! you unfortunately sounded just like him. i'm sure he'll find a way to bad-mouth the hakeem-less rockets no matter what we do, but hopefully it won't relate to us taking ming.
Thanks for the compliments To answer your question prettyricky, no I don't work at the Chronicle. Unlike a lot of the writers there, I like to put a little thought into what I write
Damn....sweet lyrics! I actually started shaking my head and rolling my eyes like I do when I'm dumb (or bored) enough to read Blineberry's column. Too funny!
A great parody! However, Fran has already thrown down on the side of Ming. He too is desparate to turn him into another Olajuwon...off the basketball court.
Yeah, I caught that article before, but I'd never put it past ol' Franny to blatantly contradict himself in articles down the line
That article sucked! I only got half way through and quit reading because it reminded me too much of Fran Blinbury. Well at least we know who Launch Pad really is now.
Great work..............everything from "He has not been the “Shaq-stopper” that many of the slower fans had hoped he would be. Speaking of the latter, the last time they faced off, O'neal was neither crouching nor hidden....." to "Confucius once said, "To make a mistake and not correct it: this is a real mistake." The Rockets have been repeating the same mistakes for the last three lottery plagued years. This is a real mistake." Excellent work.............very, very Franesque. Keep this article so we can compare to Fran's next season when Ming goes through the month or two of a rookie slump. Assuming we do get Ming........
Funny stuff; in all honest, I will bet that Camby will score at will on Ming when they face each other.
Huh? I don't think Camby has ever scored at will on anyone in his life. Besides, in the article he only said Camby had 15 points.
Let's see: 2000: Steve Francis and KT 2001: Eddie Griffen 2002: Yao Ming and #15 Even if Yao is a bust. . . .How can you say that the other two drafts were weak People need to get beyond the 1999 draft. Sh*t Rocket River
I think Jason Collier was our draft pick in 2000 (and Francis and KT were our 1999 draft picks). That (the Collier pick) was a clear mistake then and an even clearer mistake now. I can also see Fran calling EG a mistake - especially if he never puts on weight and his temper returns (although maybe a pop in the mouth would get Mobley to pass the ball).
This is a vintage BlindBury article. . . . somewhere Fran is copying and pasting to his lazy *ss won't have to write it later But I would not call Collier a bust. . . just not all world. Rocket RIver
