OK, here is the situation. My girlfriend has a cousin who is married and began having an affair with another woman, a close family friend of theirs and somebody I considered a friend as well. The affair began sometime between April and July of last year and during this time period the friend watched our child for us. I noticed that when she did watch her, the cousin was always with them whether it was home, out or on the go. I think they somehow used her to make this affair simpler to proceed with, I don't know that for a fact but it wouldn't surprise me. Why? My girl's father has warned me for years about the friend saying she is "just a bad person" and "she cares only for herself and what she can get" but I ignored him and gave her the benefit of the doubt but I think she proved it with this action, both of them actually. I am vehemently against this sort of crap because my mother did the same thing to me and my sister when she had an affair about 20 years ago with the father of a friend of mine. That ended up tearing two families apart and friendships as well until later on in life when we were able to reconcile but it didn't last long because my friend died in a car wreck so I think that infuriated me a little bit more. The cousin continues to lie to countless others and tells them that it is not what everybody thinks, the husband even showed up at Thanksgiving and Christmas to play along but he left shortly after coming, but several of us know what is really going on. The husband and wife have separated and have been for months but neither will file for divorce. The husband truly would like to have her back and I think she is just using the marriage as a cushion in case she gets too uncomfortable with the idea, which she had indicated several times before. I have stated my preference for my daughter not to be around either of the women although I am a realist and know that one of them is family and that isn't totally possible but I do not want her around the other most definitely. I was with my girl and several of my family members and we spoke about this a couple days ago and each of them thinks I am being unreasonable because their business is none of mine. I don't think it is either, until my daughter is involved and I would simply rather her not be. I've seen these things turn very ugly and I'd rather not take a chance on my daughter being subjected to anything that I've been through or worse. I don't give a damn what them two do really, but I'd rather both of them not be around my daughter and frankly myself too. Am I wrong for wanting that?
No, sir, you are not wrong. It IS your business, however, because they've sat Lil Miss Pun, and they're doing wrong. If you see wrongdoing, I can see that you're against it, and will not allow it to continue. The reason why it is your business is that, even though one is your family, it makes no difference when they're still doing that incorrectly. If they are still married, then it is wrong and you are in all your right to deny them to sit Miss Pun. Your dad, Senior Pun, is correct. He must be a good judge of character.
Two things. 1) You're not wrong. But you may be overreacting. 2) Whatever Swoly wrote, ignore it. The whole board would be better off if everyone put him on ignore.
hmm I cant find any fault with what you wrote. You are definitely not wrong but agree that you may be overreacting. But I think I would feel the same way as you if I was in that situation but most likely I would just let it go unless it somehow directly affected me. Good luck
Goddamit macalu because of this post I clicked the stupid link and I am now 23.5% dumber for having read the contents.
You aren't wrong. Don't hesitate to cut anyone out of your child's life other than you and her mother. Kids are the most important thing in the world. Your tough love will pay dividends in the end.
Well, imho, you have every right to not have your daughter around them. Think of it this way, you're probably right and they do do stuff while your daughter is there. not in front, but there could be a time when a confrontation happens in front of your daughter and she doesn't need to be involved or exposed to that... Also, who cares what other people think...It's your kid...They're right in saying its their business but when you or your daughter are innocent bystanders to this, you have the right to exclude them...they will suffer the consequences...
I said you may be - it's really hard to judge simply from a bbs post how this situation may or may not impact your daughter and/or family relations.
Well, I don't pay them much attention but when the subject was brought up I stated my preference as to not have her around them. It's not like I am always in their business, wondering what they are up to or anything like that. I just don't want my daughter mixed up in the situation.
"The first reaction is usually the correct one." - you know who said that. You did NOT overreact. You did well. Of course the people who aren't in the situation will always think that those in it might be wrong at their reaction. The truth is that when you have time only to react, you do as your feelings tell you. You did well that time. Stop making this thread about me and your inability to understand my post, gentlemen. It only matters here what Lil Pun thinks of my post because it was a response for him.
Do what you think is in the best interests for your kid. There are people here who might disagree with you. Ignore them. They are not qualified to tell you what's the best thing to do for your daughter. I learned this about the bbs a while back and I never again intend to ask about parental advice here.
You are not wrong for not wanting your daughter to hang around with people you don't morally agree with. To hell with anyone else telling you any different. Seems pretty simple.
You do what you feel is the best thing for your child. I will warn you, though, be careful how you talk to your girlfriend's cousin. You don't want to come across as judgmental because IIRC, you could be accused of bad behavior yourself in that you are living with someone and aren't married to that person. And for the record, I don't care what you do because it is your life. I just want you to be aware that if you come across as judgmental to the gf's cousin, it could come back on you. I wouldn't go into detail in talking to him other than just saying that you are not interested in him babysitting for you anymore. I definitely would NOT confront him about his affair.
