<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/c6qaloHXFW4&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/c6qaloHXFW4&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> (at 4:08.. thats when I had her go with me to the Utah playoff game that we won last season, I threw that hat on her at the last moment before the picture haha) Well to everyone in that last thread I thank you all for the support, un-fortunately it seems as if it's a done deal. I'm young in my life, an aspiring EMS Pilot, guys I had it all and now it's all ripped away. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my family and so for them I'll move on physically but never move on in my heart... The pain inside-- that feeling of losing your family I couldn't even try to re-live it. If I were to ever fall in love again I just wouldn't be able to go through with it, what if that one gets lost also?? Being apart from one is enough could you imagine two? Any advice on how to get through this? I have taken up so many hobbies~finding so many outlets to take my mind away but there's just too much time in a regular day that at some point I gloat and am torn up. I keep hoping on something hopeless like when I wake in the mourning kids will be crawling on top of me and my lady will be there for a kiss with a smile on her face. There's nothing to look forward to anymore, I just breathe to 'live' and 'live' to die. It gets worse every mourning and nothing..no hobbies..no outlets will make it go away. No fulfillment's I've tried taking up coaching youth soccer, wanting to fly ems you have the fulfillment's of saving lives but at the end of the day I just want my heart to stop beating some-point in the middle of the night. To feel as some other guy will get to wear the shoe's I've worn, to be the dad I am and the husband I was going to be knowing he wouldn't ****ing cherish it as much as me is detrimental. I sit as a broken shell at night, I live as a man on a mission at day.
Realjad you have major cajones to pour out your info like this. I respect that . I was in a similar situation like yours 5 years ago, but I didnt have kids with her. It was painful I'm not going to lie but like many others will tell you Time Heals All.. Keep your head up bro I'm here for you middle_man_rt@sbcglobal.net
First and foremost, Bob Sura isn't dead. Secondly, getting through breakups isn't formulaic. It isn't identical every time for every person. For a lot of people what makes breaking up hard is that he/she spent so much time, and expelled so much energy defining himself/herself with the relationship instead of knowing himself/herself well enough. The best way to get over someone else is to realize what you love about yourself, and just yourself. When you say you have nothing that inspires you, it doesn't always mean you're uninspired, it means you don't know yourself, and above all you don't like yourself. Look, as William Blake said, cultivate your garden. No one else can do that. When you say that you have nothing to look forward to, nothing to live for, what you're saying is that you only like yourself when she's around. I don't care who she was, she could be Heidi Klum, no woman is that amazing. You once lived for yourself, find what you like about yourself. Look in the mirror and find that thing, tell yourself how awesome you are. No person can hurt you, and no person can help you, you let other people do that. The best thing you can do, is find out what you love about yourself, trust me, i went through what you're going through, it was hard. I tried Christianity, i tried playing more soccer, i tried dating other people, nothing worked. It's all because I didn't value myself. I though my life was all about her, all about making her happy, and that is sick. Don't do that. Trust me, you'll never ever love another woman as much as you love yourself. You just don't realize it yet. If you're bored, read this, this is my take on how to be happy and in love: http://thealanshow.blogspot.com/2007/02/my-red-jumpsuit-apparatus.html
People will always tell you that time is the healer of wounded, and that no one dies from love, but it still hurts, every damn day it hurts. The only cure is another woman, one that will make you forget her. She is out there realjad. But until you find her, let us all mourn our past loves. THis one goes out to tiffany, J, and rachel. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1hK-xWNhxYA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1hK-xWNhxYA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
my dad'd married twice. both times, the lady in his life left him. the last one just got on a plane, told my dad she was going to visit family, next thing he knows, he's getting divorced. now, he's looking for his third wife.
Damn, you sure are taking it hard. Keep your head up, bud. The only way I get through life is by realizing the Buddhist saying that "everything is impermanent." Once you can understand this, things will get easier for you. Its tough to realize it. At least for me it was. I don' know if you follow any philosophy or religion or whatever, but look into reading some Zen Buddhism literature. It helps sort things out in life. Its not religion really, its more about philosophy.
It's a lemons and lemonade situation. Such is life. The only thing we're in control of is how we let things affect us. God could open up the sky and drop a giant boulder on your noggin, but the only person or thing who controls how you view that is *you*. Easier said than done, but true empowerment is found in the ability to control your own emotions. Sadly, love is the opposite of controlling of your own emotions in many cases... not that it should be.
Time and friends help... I would add that finding a way to give to something that doesn't directly benefit you could as well...if there's some cause you believe in that's bigger than you...or if you can find a way to help those less fortunate than you...those things help add perspective. Praying for you.
What you have to do is........................... 1. Absolutely no contact with her from here on out. None. If she calls, let it go to voicemail and do not call back......immediately. If she leaves you a voicemail, call her back about 4 days later and wish her well. Do not try to talk your way back into her life. Never mention getting back together. Ever! Be nice and courteous but not flirtatious. 2. Find a hottie, go out, and make sure her friends see you being extremely happy with "new girl". And make sure the chick is hot. Dude, Women hate weak men. Women hate a man that becomes dependent on them. They do not want dependents. They want to depend on you. So become totally independent. I know it is killing you inside. But it's your only chance at this point. You have to act like you are moving on and get an alligator skin shell that cannot be penetrated. And I hope she isn't reading this board and knows your user. If so, you're pretty much dead already. If................you have any chance of getting her back, you've got to follow the above steps to a T. If she doesn't come back after doing this, you've got to forget her. The hobby you have to pick up is making it your mission to find the next Ms. ______, except this time do it different so this cycle does not repeat itself. If she does not come back to you after this, she wasn't worth having. Your mind tricked you into believing she was all that. But she wasn't. Women, can't live without them, can't live with them. Thing is, there is way more of them than there is of us. We are the premium count. So, go find one that is better and make sure your ex knows about it. Heck, you may even decide at that point that she's not worth the hassle. It's cruel but it's the truth. All is fair in love and war.
It takes time to get over someone and its ok to feel down. Just don't let it get in the way of the good things in your life. Try to have some fun and things get better eventually.
Im going through some of the same things right now...me and my girlfriend broke up...i thought i was gonna spend the rest of my life with this girl, and i sacrificed so much for her...she was my first everything...but i realized something today through the help of this Pizza_Da_Hut blog mentioned above...love is just all about being in a codependent relationship...the goal in life shouldnt be to find love or a significant other...but to find happiness, i depended too much on this girl and honestly she wasnt worth it...i dont know, this was my first relationship so maybe i am completely wrong but it seems like to me that love doesnt really exist, its just created in our minds to justify the relationship, because in my mind i had this hollywood idea of love that you love somebody when you cant live without somebody but u can actually live without everyone...thus i might really really like somebody but there is no one i cant live without...i thought i couldnt live without this girl but i was wrong...the idea of love is created in our mind, but all love is codependence... I dont know, this is just a thought i had today...i might be wrong...but before i had this idea, i was really sad and tried desperately not to think about her but she is all i thought about for a long time...it messed up my grades in school but i realize that she didnt deserve me...why and how we broke up is really complicated but it wasnt my fault and she was just a b****...lol...as egotistical and selfish as this may sound; i think life is all about you, no one else, just make urself happy without hurting others in the process...dont depend on others and dont live ur life to make someone else happy...i was unselfish to a fault, i tried too hard to make her happy and it cost me soo much: my friends, and my family...hope that helped a little...but i guess u have to find something that gets you throught this...
This. Very seriously, if that video stays up, with your real name, your short term love troubles could spill over into your next round of dating attempts, or next time you apply for a job somewhere,... boom goes the dynamite. God knows I always spend a few minutes on google when I'm hiring.
Send this to her. And loop it, if you can. <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/VpSmnVNnfhU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/VpSmnVNnfhU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
The tip about Buddhism can help if you're in the right mindset, but you have a lot of hurt in the here and now and picking up on Buddhism with a clouded mind might makes its teachings seem trivial to your troubles. So remember this for now: Who you are now is not the same person as you were 15 years ago, and even if it seems so hard or unthinkable to believe you can become another person 15 years later, that too will come to pass no matter how hard you try to live in the past. It's hard to live in a world where control has been ripped from you. It's hard to think of plans you've made gone sour. But that's something almost all of us have gone through in some form or another. I hope you don't limit your options in future relationships and I hope you do not consider this the end-all of your future, but rather something painful to learn mistakes about yourself and not repeat them over again. It's good to cry a little and it's natural to work a lot, but if you're asking us how to live when a major part of your life is temporarily missing, I think a good place to start is to ask yourself what advice you'd give to a good friend should he be in your shoes. You probably have a lot of time to think about it clearly and write it down. Would you give a friend bad advice? Would you let him fall? Also, if you ever decide to seek a new relationship again, or maybe the same one, I still highly recommend that Love and Respect series by Emerson E. Eggerichs mentioned from the other thread. If you really want to work to answer those fears of what would happen if you were to fall in love again, I think that's a start. That advice won't help you now, but you seem in the mood to honestly remember. It may be odd for someone to recommend Buddhist teachings then a Christian oriented relationship series, but you seem like a good guy who has lost a good sense of personal meaning. What religion was originally intended for was to make people think and question. It seems like you've already burdened your mind on thinking and questioning, so all the hard work people complain about religion should come natural to you.
Buddhism isn't the easiest spiritual teaching to embrace especially the Zen variety but it can help. I can tell you from my own experience Buddhist precepts have helped me get through some rough times. What helped me wasn't just that the understanding that everything is impermanent so that pain will also eventually pass but also that I'm part of something greater and my own life isn't the end all and be all. So instead of becoming wrapped up in my own pain but thinking about all of existence. That might not be very easy to understand but I find if you can take yourself out of your own mindset of your own pain, and pleasure, you can get past those things.
