Where is the fine line of living life in fear and enjoying it?

“There are indeed (who might say Nay) gloomy & hypochondriac minds, inhabitants of diseased bodies, disgusted with the present, & despairing of the future; always counting that the worst will happen, because it may happen. To these I say How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened!”
Thomas Jefferson, Letter to John Adams, Apr. 8, 1816

 

not a bad thread to consider but might do better in D&D.

Every day, every decision you make is a compromise between fear and safety, from how fast you drive to going into accounting instead of being a punk rocker.

As a young white male in the 70's, I never even once considered that I might not be financially successful. My parents paid for college, everything was easy. So, I made some decisions that would be totally reckless for young people today. Today everything you do is documented, forever. College can burden you financially for the rest of your life, corporations are stingy with pay, minimum wage won't buy you an apartment and beans.

I don't know whether that means you should live like a monk and be totally devoted to work and money or just live a life of total hedonism because your options are so controlled by outside factors.

I'm glad I'm not young now.

 

F Alse
E Vidence
A ppearing
R eal

 

I guess that depends on whether you have a particular set of skills?

Good luck.

 

why? I have kids that are young and in school etc. I keep seeing and thinking how much better it is now then when I was a kid. I remember being pretty fu**cking bored there for a second and lots of other bad things back then were seemingly a lot more prevalent.

Sure I get nostalgic about the cure and sharpstown mall but when I really dig into the meat and potatoes of then vs. now it's definitely way better now. Even the fact that now I can have this kind of conversation with you is kinda what I am talking about.

 

I think that's a false dichotomy.

If whatever you're doing is scaring you, you're doing it wrong or need to stop.

What type of fears are you talking about?

 

So says the rich white slave owner.

 

perhaps stay focus on the message and not the messenger

 

The meduim is the message.

 

Where is the fine line between anything? Of course it's a gradient and it's personal. The thread title may as well read: "what is happiness?"

D&D

 

I avoid walking in dark alleys and lock my car doors when passing through poor neighborhoods.

Is this paranoia or reasonable caution?

 

It is a good question and ties back to a post I just made in the thread about the Virgin Galactic crash.

There is always going to be risk in life and pretty much nothing worthwhile is gained without risk. For example if you win in a sport it is far more worthwhile if your victory came from lots of hard work put in practice and in the gym defeating a superior opponent than if you didn't do much and just beat someone who was vastly inferior to you. Anytime though you compete against someone who is good there is always the risk that you will lose and maybe all that work was for nothing.

The level of risk anyone is willing to take is going to be different for each person so this really isn't a question that anyone can answer for you but is one that you have to weigh yourself.

To put it in more entertaining format. There is a good Star Trek the Next Generation episode about if you could go back and live your life without taking the risks and played things safe how things might end up.
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Tuition at a major Houston university was under $150 a semester in the '60's, and not much higher during the '70's. Rents were cheap. I had a nice garage apartment in Midtown for $65 a months, bills paid. My significant other put herself through college and shared a large upstairs duplex in front of my apartment (that's how I met her) with 4 other good looking chicks, all paid for on the salary of a part-time secretary with a state agency in the Medical Center. Got a BA and a graduate degree without getting into debt, all by herself. Try doing that today after the Legislature deregulated tuition (thanks so much for that, you ****ing idiots). Universities went for the cash with both fists after testifying that they'd keep increases moderate. I knew that was BS at the time. We're making sure our kids graduate without debt (one down and one to go), but that's not the norm today.

 

Back when I was a kid, my parents never knew where I was. As a teen/young adult no one knew the crazy, illegal stuff that I did. No potential employer knew my habits or beliefs, there were no camera phone pics, no timelines, no social media where the 3 or 4 girls I was working could find out about each other.

We were subversive, wild, free and crazy... but no one knew except your close circle. Maybe it's good you can't have any anonymity now, you won't do things because they have long term consequences.

Back on topic, what brings joy in living and what brings fear? Hedonism and materialism feel like joy in the short term but they never seem to over the long term. It seems the real long term joys are love, achievements and expertise, and giving. Being able to be really good at something, especially if you get paid for it, is highly underrated generally. It is fulfilling to the ego.

Fear is so pervasive and we always seem to keep below the surface, fear of failure, embarrassment and inadequacy in the eyes of those we love and respect, fear of pain and the big one, fear of death.

I went skydiving once, once. After I was paid up and oriented I just sublimated the fear and trusted the guy who was in charge (expertise!) It was interesting and I had a great endorphin flood after, when I was driving home, but was the experience worth it compared with the possibility of dying a horrific death?

In the cost/benefit analysis I figured the balance of the fear versus enjoyment and really, skydiving tethered to an expert wasn't really very dangerous. The dudes that flip off mountains and fly 100 miles an hour right next to the rocks have way more fun but I could never get past the fear factor.

I think you have to push yourself to the edge of your comfort level but still make reasoned choices. Like maybe have 4 or 5 shots of tequila and laugh like crazy but don't drink the whole bottle and end up with a dick drawn on your face.

 

Unless you're a time-traveling abortion doctor or committing insurance fraud those sound reasonable.

 

Educate yourself and keep it up throughout your life. Pay particular attention to developing an understanding of logic, political history, and basic science. Don't watch cable news too much. Hang out with people who aren't terribly afraid of the world and who are a little bit different than you. Have fun, help others when you can, and contribute to your community. When you have a good time helping others, it gives you a good context through which to view the world.

 

This. All day.

People used to just die from diarrhea. Life used to be way more brutal. Still is for most of the world in fact.

 

What does fear mean? Losing your life? Your health? Your financial freedom? Or your pride?

I've mostly lived a planned life. First from my parents, then from my own neuroses of what the right thing was. Maybe that's a sheltered life, but I admit to having things pretty good and don't have to worry about money or health.

I will say the things I missed out on is having more fun but sometimes those things don't appeal to me in hindsight.

So the fear portion is this. What are your passions and what's holding you back? It's fairly ironic that my married friends wished they traveled more while I feel some pressure to settle. Or maybe you're too settled and are afraid if taking the next adventure.

Keep in mind though, fortunes will come and go. It may be forced add unforced. Your health and family should be at the center of your fears

Because thick and thin, they're the only things you really have.

 

It's not a fine line, it's actually a big gap; most people use the miracle of paid vacation to fill it with hobbies, travel and time with friends, a spouse or kids. You gotta stop thinking of life in grand, romantic strokes; set some goals and build some partnerships along the way. Don't let boredom or pride ruin a good situation or a clear path.