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Post your imaginary "Exit Interviews" with players

Discussion in 'Houston Rockets: Game Action & Roster Moves' started by Shawndme7, May 4, 2014.

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  1. Shawndme7

    Shawndme7 Contributing Member

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    Man I'm reeling from the loss. It really hit me today. We should be ****ing getting ready to watch game 7 at 3:30 PM. Instead Im sitting here wondering wtf happened and feeling sad that the season doesn't start for another 6 months.

    So what else is there to do? Start another thread with lots of therapeutic writing. This goes along with my Shaka Smart post:

    I know there's going to be a lot of trolls that just prescribe to Harden: learn to play in the playoffs and not be a lazy b**** on D. Or for Lin: grow a brain.

    I'm going to ignore those and write up a couple things I think our staff and FO should recommend to players based on what I saw this year. I'm only going to include key players or possible rotation guys. Here goes:

    Dwight
    Analysis: I was really impressed with FT shooting down the stretch. If he can stay at near 60% next season, that will be huge. His post game which I thought wouldn't improve at his age has incrementally gotten better. In the Portland series, he even showed a mix of his power moves coming back to go with his finesse moves.

    Work on: continue to get healthier and work work on the post moves so they become more and more fluid for you. Progress is coming, it's slow but you're getting better.

    Tjones
    Analysis: What a great find by Morey, he still makes a lot of boneheaded plays on bothe nds of the floor and doesn't box out EVER--but there's clear talent there. On offense he can take his man off the dribble or work the post a bit. He's great at getting into space/via slashing--and as Bill always says, one of the best jumpshot blockers in the league.

    Work on: Play a lot of competitive summer basketball UCLA or Fonde. Get reps being the man and making decisions. Work on boxing out and not just using athleticism for rebounds. Tighten up the open 15-18 footer and those 3 pointers.

    Chandler Parsons
    Analysis: A very good if not great season for the former second round pick. He became a lot more consistent this season after the slow start. Sure there were lulls--like the late season slump, but for the most part we know the baseline of what we can expect from CP. He's great in transition, a creative finisher who sometimes misses bunnies, and a flat jumpshot that can go hot or cold. He's gotten good enough that we somehow expect more of him than we should.

    Work on: Getting stronger. I think the big reason Parson is inconsistent and misses those bunnies is because of his lack of strength. He's got the height of a sf/pf but the frame of a guard. One thing i'd be worried about him adding weight is losing his mobility. Also, refocus on defense. His early calling card was defense. Do I ever think he'll be an elite defender? No. But he can be pretty good. Aside from that just take more reps with J, it'll get progressively better.

    Harden
    Analysis: A slowish start with a lot of ISO ISO ISO, but by mid season he really started hitting his stride offensively and being a facilitator. By the end of the year--man he was cooking. He's gonna have to figure out other ways to score without getting to the line come playoff time. Defensively I'm not gonna rehash the problems. Its about effort. Even in Game 6 he made some mistakes but he still showed he can be better via effort.

    Work on: Refocusing. That loss made you mad? Stayed late in the locker room? Get yourself refocused. Commit yourself to being a better defender. Trust your teamates. You can be a superstar and a top 5 player--don't turn into that could have been.

    Patrick Beverley
    Analysis: Good season. Played his way into being one of my favorite players. Offense improved and defense was always creating problems.

    Work on: keep tightening up that shot, work on that floater. Youll always get lots of shots in this system, just keep practicing--I know you will. And get healthy.

    Omer
    Analysis: We all know about the early season--but down the stretch and especially in the playoffs--you proved your worth. I love how you go to get the ball when rebounder, and youre our best post defender on hedging the pick n roll. Offense is still ugh.

    Work on: Omer just needs to go to Starkville, Mississippi for the summer and catch bricks with Jerry Rice's family. I mean the hands are the only thing keeping him from being an elite center. Texans get him catching balls out of a JUGS. LMAO imagine that scene? Omer would be ducking and diving left and right --even on a slow setting.

    Jeremy Lin
    Analysis: despite the hate one thing I can't deny about Lin is he got better this year. He became a better shooter (albeit just a little from the field). His 3fg% went up 2%--which is pretty good. I mean remember last year when he had no left? This year he embraced the left and I feel like he might've gone left more than right.

    Work on: keep wrking on that shot. Another 1-2% would be nice. My biggest thing though is you have to work on playing at different speeds. You cant beat your man and go to the hoop at one speed (full speed) without any variance.

    Work on chopping up steps after beating your man, slowing down then bursting, moving the ball around on different planes. Your drives are too predictable for help defenders to time. keep working on your agility. You showed you can be a solid defender when you're locked in. You've proven you can still get better.

    Dmo
    Analysis: i wish you got more playing time this year. I still like your potential, but you really just gotta play a lot of competitive basketball. i wouldnt mind if you played summer league so you can dominate. Slow down in the post. You're gifted there, but you dont have to play like your heads cut off. Kepp working that jumpshot, and keep getting stronger. Work on sliding your feet better on D.

    Troy Daniels
    Analysis: Youre ready for the big time. You're an elite shooter.
    Work on:
    Work on: diversifying your game. Work on defense (you have principles via Shaka). Work on a pump fake and go to the hoop--or a pump and shoot a 20 footer (sorry Morey). Don't becoem a 1 skill guy like James Jones that just disappears cause you cant provide anything else.


    Canaan/Covington
    Work On: just keep playing and getting better. You guys will both get there.


    Casspi
    Work on: Just shoot

    Everyone else...ehhhhh


    Mchale
    Step down and cite family. You suck.
     
    #1 Shawndme7, May 4, 2014
    2 people like this.
  2. YYYY1313

    YYYY1313 Member

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    LOL, the part on McHale was classic.
     
    #2 YYYY1313, May 4, 2014
  3. PatBeverleyFan

    PatBeverleyFan Member

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    Mchale

    Less iso Harden and less sticky ball.
     
    #3 PatBeverleyFan, May 4, 2014
  4. heypartner

    heypartner Contributing Member

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    Morey talking to Harden

    Good try. Nice effort. So can I come to your white party this summer
     
    #4 heypartner, May 4, 2014
  5. Shawndme7

    Shawndme7 Contributing Member

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    LOL black beards white outfits--good contrast
     
    #5 Shawndme7, May 5, 2014
  6. d12babymamas

    d12babymamas Member

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    wow tldnr but wow nice effort!
     
    #6 d12babymamas, May 5, 2014
  7. BabySeal

    BabySeal Member

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    DMO- I let wolf unleash next season

    Chandler- Buffalo Jeans

    Harden- I promise I'll focus on defense next season

    Dwight- Harden better step up his defense

    JLin- I'll have more time for Volvo commercials this offseason

    TJones- I'll be starting a homeless shelter

    Daniels, Canaan, and Covington- We opened a taco truck in McAllen and are expecting big things because of Troy's new publicity

    Casspi- I'm going to listen to McHale's voicemail over and over this summer and reflect on this season

    Bev- Moving to Canada to receive adamantium injections

    Garcia- I'm retiring

    Hamilton- Compiling reasons the rockets should pay me to sit on the bench.

    Powell- I'm expecting to start next season.
     
    #7 BabySeal, May 5, 2014
  8. i meow a lot

    i meow a lot Member

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    tjones need to work on rebounding and defense. Don't care about offense.

    Wouldn't label Troy an elite shooter just yet...small sample size but hopefully it's true.

    Lin needs to work on his handles and decision making. Going thru traffic finding seams - not picking up his dribble that ****.
     
    #8 i meow a lot, May 5, 2014
  9. ROXTXIA

    ROXTXIA Contributing Member

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    JAMES HARDEN / DARYL MOREY EXIT INTERVIEW

    Daryl: Hey, James, good to see you. Have a seat.

    Harden: Thanks, Daryl

    Daryl: Um, after that playoff performance, you can call me "Mr. Morey". Or "Sir".

    Harden: Hunh?

    Daryl: If you want to call me Daryl you should add the honorific, "Please God". As in, "Please God Daryl, no, don't trade me for Philly's Top Five pick and capspace so you can sign someone who also plays defense and values winning more than strippers and boozing, oh Please God Daryl"? How about that? Yeah, you can call me Please God Daryl.

    Harden: (blanches) Are you serious?

    Daryl: Let's turn to the video monitor here. (click) That's you two nights before Game 1. Was this Treasures or Colorado? Because on the night AFTER that (click) you were at the other club. Yeah, getting your drink on.

    Harden: (blanches further) Oh, God...

    Daryl: That's "Please God Daryl". Let's see, here you are (click) telling Chandler and Pat to switch, strictly going against the coach's wishes. Bad enough I have to wet-nurse a bad coach. When the bad coach gets it right, you d***-slap us out of the playoffs. Oh and (click) this is you getting interviewed by SVU detectives Benson and Stabler after what Matthews and Batum did to you on th floor out there.

    Harden: Please God Daryl don't trade me to Filthadelphia....

    Daryl: How about Charlotte, then?

    Harden: I'll play defense. I'll stay away from the clubs. I'll wash your car. I'll wash your wife's car. I'll BUY a car for your wife. A GOOD car, not a Toyota.
     
    #9 ROXTXIA, May 5, 2014
    Last edited: May 6, 2014
    2 people like this.
  10. B-Bob

    B-Bob "94-year-old self-described dreamer"

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    [​IMG]
     
    #10 B-Bob, May 5, 2014
  11. ROXTXIA

    ROXTXIA Contributing Member

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    JEREMY LIN / DARYL MOREY EXIT INTERVIEW

    Daryl: Hey, Jeremy, good to see you. Have a seat.

    Lin: Thanks, Daryl.

    Daryl: No, "Daryl" was five turnovers ago. You can call me "Mr. Morey" now. You look nervous. What's with the flop sweat?

    Lin: I saw James crying when he left his exit interview, Mr. Morey. I guess I'm, uh, you know...scared.

    Daryl: (steeples fingers on desktop) You guys really stunk it up against Portland. Stunk. Like, dumpster stunk.

    Lin: I guess we did, Mr. Morey.

    Daryl: So. Enough small talk. Let's turn to the video monitor here. Watch closely. (click) I recorded this with my cell phone on my family vacation to Hawai'i last year. This is our dog on the beach. His name's Jasper....

    Lin: Ah, he's cute....

    Daryl: Shut up. Now, here's Jasper humping a beach ball. I mean, he's humping it, he's really going to town. See that? If I were the beach ball, I'd be like, "What, you're not even gonna buy me a drink first?"

    Okay, and here we have game tape of you, Jeremy Lin (click) dribbling into the post and....wait for it! "Oops, help, I'm Jeremy Lin, there are tall guys standing in front of me, I'll get caught in midair and I'll TURN THE BALL OVER! That was game one. Here's game two. Dribble dribble into the post and you...wait for it...the suspense is killing me...TURN THE BALL OVER! Here's game three. Same thing. Game four. Same thing. Oh, wait. Here's some variety....this one's my favorite. This is you not calling a timeout and losing the ball to Mo Williams.

    Lin: I can explain, Mr. Morey....

    Daryl: Okay, keep watching the monitor. (click) Jasper humping a beach ball. (click) You dribbling into the post. (click) Jasper humping. (click) You dribbling. (click) Jasper. (click) You. Now, I can't tell the difference between the two. I can't. Do you see a difference?

    Lin: Mr. Morey....

    Daryl: Now here's ONE LAST thing for you to see. (click) Here's Jeremy Lin partying with the Trailblazers right after losing to them!!

    I mean, I'm so mad right now that I could eat and swallow and **** nails and not even feel them.

    Lin: I can explain, Mr. Morey....

    Daryl: I'm sorry, could you speak up? (pushes button on desk)

    Lin: (trap door opens under chair) AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

    Daryl: Good riddance. (sips some Gaviscon) NEXT!
     
    #11 ROXTXIA, May 6, 2014
  12. Rockness

    Rockness Member

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    Morey: Cisco, we respect you as a veteran and we know you took less money to stay with us, but didn't bring the 3 and D as much as we expected. We still respect you and the young fellas do too.

    Cicso: Thank you Daryl, I really appreciate that player option, it made me feel really appreciated. However, I am a lot more than just a veteran presence in the locker room, I'm not Mutombo. You understand cabron?

    Morey: We understand that Cicso and we do hope you exercise that player option. It's just that we need from you than the occasional 3 point celebration and D only on Durantula.

    Cicso: Call your dog Kevin to play me some more then, whokay? Zyou are telling me I could not do more than your pretty boy Chandler or precious superstar Harden who likes to watsch balls instead of playing D? Promise me playing time and make me a nice offer or I will take my talent elsewhere! (light cigar, and blow some smoke in Daryl's face)

    Morey: (Coughs) What are you saying Cicso, that we give you money on the side, you think you can bribe me?? (Laughs scoffingly) I'm Daryl Morey, puhhhlleeeeasse...

    Cisco: (leans forward) Cisco made no such statement, check the record there hombre..Cisco is just saying you need to show your appreciation. That is all (drops some ashes on pants of Daryl)

    Morey: Hah, so what you want, to be in a taco commercial or somthin..I will have your ass on a plane back to Mexico so fast..

    Cisco: I'm Puerto Rican you fat geek! Now go see what you can do in the next few weeks. I will have my agent call you when I get back from the holidays and you better have something good for me..or I will call you out to the media and out you as a racist and you will gone quicker..(sees Morey holding in his laugh, gives him the death stare!)

    Morey: (scared, gets up shaking..) alright...alright Cisco, I will talk to Leslie and Kevin and we will make sure we make it worth your while to exercise that player option okay?

    Cisco: (puts on glasses, blows smoke, puts cigar out on table next to Daryl and continues giving him the death stare until he walks out the door smiling)
     
    #12 Rockness, May 6, 2014
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