I'm not sure if this has ever been posted here before, but its pretty interesting and funny...........especially the part about the Astros! Name game Team monikers can make one wonder I don't know why, but I'm always intrigued by sports nicknames. Why, for example, aren't there any professional teams named after dogs? Meanwhile, there are lots of bird teams. Maybe it's because if you name your team, say, the Terriers or the Hounds, when it plays poorly, all the headlines will say "GOING TO THE DOGS" and "DOGGING IT," and stuff like that. But, hey, Yale was the first real college football factory in this country, and they're the Bulldogs. That's a tough name. Absolutely, we ought to have one dog team in the pros. Or explain this to me: Virtually all the teams that have two words in their nicknames or two distinct names in one word -- such as the Redskins -- are always known by the last name. That is, the Red Wings are always the Wings, the SuperSonics are the Sonics, the 49ers are the Niners, and so forth. Why is this so? For example, why aren't the Cowboys called the Cows instead of the Boys and why aren't the Mighty Ducks called the Mightys instead of the Ducks? The new Charlotte NBA team is the Bobcats. Just you wait. It'll be called the Cats, not the Bobs. However, when teams only have one nickname and it is shortened, it's invariably called by the first syllable. The Pats, the Avs, the Cavs. The Astros are the one major exception to this rule. They are called the 'Stros. I'll let you figure out why. But see, the Devil Rays, which is two words, are called the Rays, while the Padres, one word, are not called the Res. They're called the Pads. The best contracted nicknames are the Chisox and Bosox. They're my favorites. D'Backs is a late entry, and I think I like D'Backs. But why not Diamonds? Well, Diamonds, you see, is a first name. Let's move on to letters. A's for Athletics has been around for a century and seems to work, but I've never bought into O's for Orioles or M's for Mariners. A few nicknames produce their own group nicknames. I like these. Flock for the various birds. Tribe for the Indians. Fish for the Dolphins and Marlins. Do they ever say Pack for the Timberwolves or Herd for the Rams? Rams do come in herds, don't they? How 'bout Nobility for the Royals? NOBILITY TOP FLOCK. Or Clergy for the Padres? CLERGY EDGE TRIBE. A few teams have nicknames for their nicknames. The Canadiens are the Habs, the Angels are the Halos, the hockey Rangers are the Blueshirts, the Yankees are the Bronx Bombers. I think the Cubs have the only real diminutive title: the Cubbies. That's what happens when you lose. The Ottawa Senators are called the Sens, but when Washington had their Senators, they were never the Sens. Sometimes, though, the Washington Senators were called the Nationals, because it could be shortened more affectionately to Nats -- even if that reminds you of bugs. Anyway, one year they had a slogan in Washington: "I'm crazy about the Senators, but I'm nuts about the Nats." Unfortunately, the Nats lost just as often as the Senators. No team should be allowed to take its nickname with it when it leaves town. I was so glad Cleveland kept the Browns. But then: The Utah Jazz. The Los Angeles Lakers. The Memphis Grizzlies. Nonsense. A new town, a new nickname. That should be a constitutional amendment. For perversity, though, my favorite nickname is the Atlanta Falcons. In the middle ages, when falconry was popular with the royals -- no, not the Kansas City Royals -- the falcons used for hunting were female. Male falcons were smaller, weaker and not as pretty as the females. Male falcons were so plain and scrawny, in fact, they weren't even called falcons. They were called tercels. Nowadays, each Sunday, when the Falcons of Atlanta lose another football game, I always wonder: do the players know they're named after girls?
