Your Dogs pet peeves about Humans!!! 1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your farts on me....not funny. 3. Yelling at me for barking..... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT! 4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?) 5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? 6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose..... stop it. 7. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet? 8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet..... dummy. 9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. 10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile. 11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home. 12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me? 13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back. 14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit. 15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist with screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!
16. Gagging me by ramming a stinking pill down my throat. Stop being such a cheapskate, and hide it in some nice chopped sirloin with gravy like the rich humans do....I'm freaking sick here!!
man, were are the dog lovers... 17. Stop telling the kids to clean their plate because there's starving children in Cambodia. Look at me!! L o o k-a t-m e!!! I'm hongray! 18. Why so surprised that I can run around sniffing your undies while you're away? That's the first trick I learned from your man. 19. You own a cool watering hole that lets you recycle fresh water for me multiple times per day, and then you tell me not to drink from it. You got serious issues, man. 20. Do you even know how hard it is to be the first joe in the neighborhood to find a dead, rotting possum, and then you ruin my glorious moment by washing the proof off me. Don't be a dick!
22. Just because I look guilty, doesn't mean the cat didn't do it! They don't have eyebrows...they can't look guilty! dayum! 23. Get off the couch? What? Haven't you ever heard the axiom, "Let sleeping dogs lie." 24. You leave me alone all day! That's equivalent to 7 days in dog years!
25. Why do you throw off my internal clock by sleeping in on weekends? Seize the Day! We are burning daylight.
