August 7, 2000, Sammy K. Ah yes..."America's Team." They have it all, don't they? The heir apparent, the most dominant center in history (according to Bob "Detleck Shrimpf" Costas), a sharpshooting small forward, and a cast of wily, battle-tested veterans. Well, my friends, I absolutely hate the Lakers. I would rather kiss Rosie O'Donnell than sit through a game at the Staples Center. Here is a list of 20 legitimate reasons why you too should hate "America's Team." 10) The fans- they show up 15 minutes into the second quarter, boo Eddie Jones, then claim to be the world's greatest fans. If the Lakers put out a losing squad, they'd be lucky to draw more than 8,000 per. 9) Kobe's hair-if anyone needs to have this explained, please stop reading now. 8) The Staples Center floor- it is literally painful to watch Laker home games on TV due to the mixture of glaring neon yellow and puke purple. 7) Shaquille O'Neal's intellect- this poor chap doesn't know the difference between Haiti and Hades, yet he calls himself the Big Aristotle. His ingenius response to every postgame question is "we just went out and played hard. i gotta thank my teammates." 6) Shaquille O'Neal's acting- ever seen Kazaam? Enough said. Although, that little rap number he sings with the kid sure is catchy. 5) Shaquille O'Neal's rapping- the chorus to one of his most popular and brilliant songs is "I like playing on the westside, even though I miss playing on the eastside." Sheer lyrical talent. And the funniest part is, he needs help from other rappers to come up with that. 4) Tyra Banks- Breasts? Yes indeed (CN: Serve 'em up!). Basketball? No ma'am. A typical Laker fan, Tyra once claimed that she liked Shaq because he was "good at shots." Wow. Simply stunning. 3) Ron Harper- I guess he is being rewarded for spending so many days in Cav and Clipperland, but the man is the luckiest b*stard alive. He gets to play next to MJ and Scottie one year, then after a forget-a-bull 98-99, he is starting alongside Shaq and Kobe. I have respect for the guy, but he really has no skill at all. He speaks about himself as if he is the sole reason the Lakers were able to tough it out and beat Portland, but the Lakers actually played better when Fisher was in the lineup. 2) Phil Jackson's ego- Check that....Ron Harper is the SECOND luckiest man alive. Phil gets to play alongside the legendary Knicks, then coach MJ, Scottie, Shaq, etc. However, he is so blatantly egotistical that it makes me sick. Come on, Phil, we all know that Jerry Krause's left nut could have coached the Bulls to 6 titles. Sure, you tamed Dennis Rodman, but even without your work the Bulls would have the rings. And it is such a strange coincidence that the Lakers tend to have more success when they abandon the triangle offense and just dump it in to Shaq. Perhaps Phil really isn't a genius after all. 1) John Salley- where do I begin do elaborate on my deep hatred for the Spider? First of all....why in God's name is John Salley in the NBA??????????? Give my three year old cousin a Laker uniform and some Nikes and she could crash the boards with more efficiency than Salley. And he thinks he is so incredibly funny. Look, brother, just because you bear a slight resemblance to Arsenio doesn't make you a king of comedy. Anyone who watched his little Fox Sports special knows what I'm talking about. Well, I could have easily made this list 100 items long, but my fingers are starting to hurt. http://www.onhoops.com/content/articles/Aug2000/herve.html ------------------ In order to be a success in life, you need 2 things: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
puke purple I don't think I've ever seen purple puke. "I like playing on the westside, even though I miss playing on the eastside." Heh heh.. Hey Bob, you should make that your new signature. ------------------ My dream job is to be a Houston Rockets towel-boy.
I haven't lived in L.A. for several years, so I can't claim to know much about the Forum/Staples crowds. But as someone who handed in his Laker-fan decoder ring when Eddie Jones was traded, I find it hard to believe that he was ever booed. He was such a fan favorite that the final chant in the Forum, as the Jones-less Lakers were being swept by San Antonio in the '99 playoffs, was "Ed-die! Ed-die! Ed-die!" ------------------
Damn I thought I was the only one that hated Kobe's hair. That fool has like white stuff hanging out of his hair half the time (the lint or cotton from the towels or whatever). As for Tyra, wasnt she a Knick fan? ------------------ Fun Police Says: 1. Posting in stupid threads is not FUN! 2. Spelling, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure are not FUN! 3. Stupid BBS names are not FUN! 4. Conduct yourself in a FUN way! The Fun Police are Watching. Vote for the Rockets & Have FUN or be Assimilated.
Amen, brother. ------------------ Ugh, Another Rockets off-season....I'm gonna need a keg of Pepto-Bismol.
"A typical Laker fan, Tyra once claimed that she liked Shaq because he was 'good at shots.'" ROTFLMAO!!! Allthough, maybe 'typical model' is more appropriate? Reason Number Two is the best and most accurate. The media paints this guy as a modern day George Washington... Forest Gump is more like it. ------------------ WE WILL WATCH THEM FALL... Next year
Swopa: The fact that Eddie jones WAS booed whenever he didn't have a big fan is reason enough to hate laker fans. I used to watch a lot of Lakers games and it was terrible how they treated him. Team management was even worse to the guy. But i do have to disagree with anyone who says Ron Harper has no skill. It is true that they guy is old and can't play that well all the time, but he was very important to the Lakers because he made the most IMPORTANT shots. Whenever they needed a run or needed to end the other teams' run, it was Harper to the rescue. ------------------
Ace, No its not my article, I found it while surfing and thought I would post it. ------------------ In order to be a success in life, you need 2 things: 1. Don't tell everything you know.
Good post, but all you could come up with was 10 reasons???? Man, I am closer to 10k. ------------------ HOOP-T ------------------
I realize that this comes from OnHoops, but is this your article? I'm just wondering about that. Good points, though. I can relate to all of them. ------------------ Nederland 2002 Qualifying Campaign (Damn those penalties!!!) Houston Rockets Space Center- Not just another ClutchCity.NET clone. We're that and more!
